Being confident requires being mindful of the fact that everyone is unique, and therefore special, and therefore equal. People differ in terms of wealth, health, information, skills and connections but they are of equal worth due to their uniqueness.

Our sense of self arises as a result of the activity of the brain. The self may seem like an entity but it is rather like a flowing river – an ever changing process.

Once you realise the true nature of the self you will no longer feel self-conscious. I recommend:

‘Consciousness : An Introduction’ – Susan Blackmore
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/019515343X/qid=1149227295/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-1250812-0728866?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

‘Mapping the Mind’ – Rita Carter
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0520224612/qid=1149227693/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/002-1250812-0728866?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

Also, recommend the free and confidential Candle Life Coaching:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CandleLifeCoaching

Like most things, acquiring confidence requires practice. You can do it if you keep at it.

All the best,
Sazib
http://www.CanWithCandle.org

Confidence is yours to own. Sometimes we have things happen to us that shake our confidence. I like the comments from Sazib, they are true. I would also add that confidence comes when that negative self talk goes… Confidence comes when what people think of you no longer matters. What is important is what you think or you!

If you are connected to your “source” (could be higher consciousness, God, allah, Creator, Higher Power or whatever you believe in) PLease don’t misunderstand me, I am not a religous person, but one that believes there is something much bigger than me at work in the universe. Being connected with this is to trust that you have a purpose and that not only are you equal enough, but divine and unique!

After my serious illness was cured, I really struggled with confidence. My hair had fallen out, I had gained weight and my skin did not have a health glow. I felt ashamed that I had been sick for so long and that I looked awful. What really helped me was reading “You can heal your life” by Louise L Hay. I was reminded of the amazing journey I took to become healthy, the courage it took to become well and the committment I made to LIVE! I found this book to be inspirational, as it is filled with wonderful affirmations that helped me attract a better more accurate sense of self. I would also encourage you to meditate as it is really calming and rejuvenating.

There are so many good books and programs out there, if you seek you will find one that works for you. I wholeheartedly agree with Sazib that confidence is something you must practice. So spend time with those you are comfortable with but remember to take risks and spend time with those you are not, you are worth the effort!

Best regards to your divine self

~ABG

When you approach people, or they approach you, remember that they have to do the same things you do from day to day, that is, eat, sleep, brush their teeth, and so forth.

You will become more aware that anybody could be self conscious, but it’s not just about you any more, is it?

You basically just have to fool yourself. Don’t be afraid of the unknown. Don’t be afraid to show people who you are. Start small with things you know you do well and include people in it. Sharing who you are with friends and family is a good start to realizeing you can be you and do it well.

I don’t know if that helps at all but thats how I did it. Everyone has to figure it out for yourself.

All I have to say is bravo for wanting to change yourself for the better. 3 big thumbs up!!

DON’T LET yourself miss a chance to meet someone- DON’T LET yourself look away from their EYES.

You’re the ONLY one who will make this happen.

Practice. You think I’m kidding?

Confidence, for me, is a result and not the goal. The goal for me is to constantly seek out new ways to push myself out of my comfort zone and take more risks in my life. When I start with small risks and do one at a time, I build my confidence to take a larger risk the next time. Soon after, I’m risking all over the place and have confidence to take me into life situations that I once avoided.

I think what many people have said is a good platform, but when I see you and your overall goals, I think confidence is different for you. I see you already have the confidence, your beautiful, you have the charisma working for you even when you don’t think, looking at your picture I can sense your a warm person. Instead I see you being weighted down by things, i.e. body appearance (lose weight, lose 20 lbs, get in shape), find true love, and stop caring what others think. All three of these pull your confidence down. As for your body, I think your best goal is to get in shape, your body is yours, accept it, love it. And when you get in shape you will lose fat, but you will build muscle, and muscle weighs 2x as much as fat, so don’t be discouraged. I think you should get confidence in your looks before anything else, men respond to confidence, don’t matter what you look like(Plus by the looks, you have red hair, there is a cult of men who would die for your attention). As for true love, if you live the UNFULFILLED fairy tale, it can drag your confidence down, be content to know that love is always in the working even if its not here in this moment. As for stop caring about what others think, that isn’t going to happen so long as you measure your development to other people standards (aka lose weight, I am sure you didn’t think that by yourself, I am sure the world/others influence that one). You need to measure your development by your thoughts/feelings, and the test is simple: Does this feel good for me, and does it help me in my future? It might sound selfish, but you have to start thinking about the self, more than the others, so in many ways it is selfish…...and finally to answer your last part, to meet others eyes, and not be self conscious, make it a game, and the game is to stare them down. Two ways to determine someone’s strength, first by the hand shake, the second is eye contact. I look in the eyes, and when I know they break eye contact I am the one in control in a sense. Much like men are told that eye contact by woman is important, we are told to stare back as confidence, and if we break then its a subconscious message. So my advice is win the subconscious battle (keep eye contact) and you will win the conscious one.

Be at peace with yourself. There are a million ways to go about this. The one thing I found was the book The Power of Now.

I have more confidence than ever (amoung other things) and what I used to see as confidence in some other people is really a mask that covers a flaw.

Others really do have a peace and I can tell that they really have true happieness. Confidence is a byproduct of peace.