I didn’t know it was her, I loved her, and then I CHOSED to stay with her all my life.

I didn’t know. I took a chance. And it’s been 18 years now. I think around year 15 was when I realized it was forever ;)

Perseverance will pay off, too. There will be plenty of times when you think that you made a mistake. It will pass.

When you know, you know. There’s no clearer answer than that. When it’s the one, there’s just no question in your mind that it’s the right thing.

I also did not know. It’s easy for men. I was happier than I’d ever been in my life. I could see that continuing. I’m taking one year at a time. That’s how you stay together for the rest of your life. See my website www.Dargens.com

Long story…
I’d been dating my wife for about 10 months, maybe 11. I was on a business trip to New York, at a pizza and dance with my friend. My friend is not smooth with the ladies (I’m not smooth, but compared to my friend, I might as well be Mystery from the Pick Up Artist). We were talking over a beer and some pizza (NY has the best… chicken parm pizza is worthwhile). I forget the question, but I remember talking and having this “V8 moment” (I wonder if this is a relevant cultural reference… might be dated… PS I hate V8). At any rate, while I was jabbering on (from reading this, you can imagine), I was thinking to myself that I didn’t want to be without my wife (only she obviously wasn’t my wife at the time). I was thinking that I was wishing she could be there. Not because I was horny or my friend was being boring, but because I wanted to share something with her. Everything with her.

I proposed about a month later, but it was there that I knew.

You make a choice, that’s how you know. There’s no magic formula and you don’t count on feelings. You look at that person and DECIDE if they are someone you are willing to invest in and spend the rest of your life with, regardless of emotions and things that could go wrong – and you work through those things when they happen because you chose that person and not because it feels good.

When you argue to a point where both of you have forgotten the original disagreement, shrug your shoulders and decide to go out for ice cream, it’s love.

I knew she was the one when she first laughed at my farts.

Mostly, it’s because we are similar enough to hold meaningful conversations, yet different enough to keep things interesting.

By the way, we’ve now got our first kiddo on the way and I’m uber excited! :)

In my case, my husband and I had been dating, going to school, and doing everything together for four or five years by the time we got married. We had fights every once in a while, but we also had so much trust in each other and so much in common that I was sure marriage would work for us.

It might sound like a joke… Don’t marry someone you can live with. Marry someone you can’t live without.

If my wife is away from me more than a day, it feels strange. After four days, I really feel like a part of me is missing.

Apart from this rather emotional explanation: She supports me, helps me with my work (even though she doesn’t know a lot about programming) and I am a better man because of her.

And love is good :-) But being friends also helps…

Don’t worry, I won’t say “I just knew!!” :)

Honestly, at first I wasn’t even thinking of him that way. He was just a really good friend. Not that we weren’t intimate and dating, but I just loved being around him.

Over time I realized just how comfortable and at ease I was with him. I have NEVER had to lie to him about ANYTHING about myself or in my past. He accepts me exactly how I am. And I completely trust him, which is so rare for women because we are so paranoid. But I never felt like he was ever hiding anything from me (except when he snuck out to buy my ring of course!) or that he acted differently around me than he did around his friends.

After a few years it became obvious to both of us that we were very well matched, genuinely liked each other, really loved each other, and wanted to try out forever. The idea of “forever” doesn’t scare me with him. Sure it is daunting, but I don’t feel panicked or unsure. The thought of “forever” with him makes me laugh cause I think of all the funny things he is gonna say over the years and how nice it will be to make him happy and be there for him. .. and I can’t wait to see what he looks like bald and as a smart-mouthed old man! lol

I am sure we are gonna have some major fights over the years, but we know each other well enough to work through it. He knows my flaws and loves me because of them, not in spite of them lol. I think we are are gonna be okay! :)

..... okay i have NO IDEA if i just answered your question because I really started babbling…. I hope that helped?? lol

after having horrible relationships in the past, you learn what to look for in a person. when i met my spouse, he was everthing that i wanted and needed. i knew he was the one because it was if every mistake i had made in the past had lead me to him.

The person you marry has to first be your best friend, and you have to be able to enjoy each others company and be able to go anywhere together and have a good time. Your partner in life is the person you can be dropped into the middle of a desert with and you two can provide the needs of the other.

Get married for the right reason’s. Not because you think it’s the right time, or the right thing to do, or people are expecting you to. It has to be a decision from your heart where you know that this is the person that makes my world turn and I can’t imagine having anyone else in my life to wake up next to everyday while on this earth.

Oh and everything everyone else said…lol

oh and besides all the lovey-dovey stuff, we both share the same financial goals, he is responsible with money, his family isn’t completely insane :) , he has a circle of friends that all have things going for them (no losers lurking around trying to mooch), and we both have very similar (but not exact) life goals (kids, etc.)

Being in love is GREAT. But being able to actually function with a person on a “business” level is vital. Lots of arranged marriages with zero love have lasted a lifetime because they were well-matched unions with tons of familial support. And lots of “love” matches have failed miserably because of extended family and money issues.

Never forget that!!

(I am not saying you need money to be happy or find a mate. But even if you are okay with the idea of living meager and humble, you better make sure your spouse feels the same way!!!!)

Ok. So far you’ve gotten a bag of mixed responses. This is good. I dated my wife for 8 or 9 months. Then sitting there watching tv I looked at her and said, “Hey, you realize I’m not going anywhere soon. Right?” She simply responded “I know. You know I’m not going either, right?” We both looked at each other and I said “Well lets get married.” She accepted and we just celebrated our 4th anniversary a few weeks ago. We also have a 3 yr old little girl and I can tell you there are definitely rough times in all marriages. You should look at your partner as someone you can rely on and the two of you should compliment each other’s faults. I’m very technical and my wife is very creative. My daughter is benefiting from our differences a lot. The other aspect you want to look at is how each of you handle situations. From looking at what you’ve done so far you seem the type who is ready to get up and go at a moments notice and that you enjoy being out all over the world and experiencing the cultural diversity out there. If your partner is the exact opposite and does not want to or even like to travel you will ultimately resent this aspect. When you two are apart for a day or more you should get that excited feeling to talk to them on the phone and that sense of relief when they get home that their trip was safe. Another major issue with our younger generation is understanding the requirement of having trust in each other. If you don’t trust your partner then there is a great disconnect that will not be overlooked. If you doubt their intentions constantly or assume they are sneaking around doing bad things behind your back then, you will have problems. If you think this person is the one you want to be with for the rest of your life then you need to fully understand the vows that you will be reading and both of you need to be prepared to take them to heart. Through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, in hard times and not so hard times. Vows are there to allow you to verbally express what should have been implied to each other through actions and such prior to standing there speaking them to each other. I know this is a long post but, I feel that those of my generation (I’m 24) don’t have a true understanding of a lifelong commitment and dedication. Also make sure you two are on the same page when it comes to your future and stance on having kids. So many marriages change drastically after children are born and if you both are on the same page it helps to spread the work load of raising them and also working to provide for your whole family. Also one last thing. Communication is another big factor. If you two don’t communicate then you will eventually drift apart and will have gotten married just to waste money on a divorce. That’s just my $.02 Hopefully it helps you.

I knew because I had never felt so completely comfortable and happy with a person in my whole life! And then we both knew it was for real when we had to spend 2 weeks apart at Christmas and we were completely miserable not seeing each other. After that we started planning the wedding. :) As cliche as it sounds, “you just know” when somebody is the right one! There will be no question about it in your mind.