Ignore when others talk about you, do what’s fun for you and wear clothes that are comfortable, not what’s in fashion.
This is a hard one because it is such a personal perception. I really think most of what we think other people are meaning and saying about us is totally off base. We assume the worst from others and the best from ourselves. So here are some basic things I assume.
1. Odds are, the other person isn’t even paying attention. People by nature are self-centered. If they notice that my hair is looking funky today, it probably floated in and out again in less time than it takes to blink.
2. I love my steak medium, My sister loves it well done and my son thinks we are nuts becuase we are willing to eat steak. Everyone has different tastes. I personally don’t find Brad Pitt to be attractive. I am pretty sure that in some locations that statement might get me shot. The taste that I am concerned with pleasing is my own. If I like those shoes, then I am going to where them, period.
3. If someone is rude or blantantly mean to me, I assume they are having a bad day. Maybe their dog just died or their mom has been diganoised with cancer. Even if it is just that they stubbed their toe just a moment ago, maybe their dad use to call them clumsy all the time as a kid and that is currently playing back in their minds.
No matter what you do there are people who suck. Whether they suck the fun out of the room or they are fake and talk about people behind their backs they exist and their is jack you can do about it other than this. Be nice to them. IF they want to gossip, let them, don’t agree or disagree. If they want to complain, let them. IF they look at you and want you to participate, do, but in a good way. Ex: “Wow, I am so sorry you had such a bad experience with Rose yesterday, normally Rose is so helpful, maybe she was just having a bad day, the weather was kinda bad maybe it got to her. I wouldn’t worry though, I am sure she will be back to herself in no time.” or flip it to “I didn’t think Janet’s dress was that bad. But did you see J-Lo’s at the golden globes? Wow I could never have the guts to where something like that.” First ex-points out # 3 to the gossiper and you haven’t said anything negative and ex# 2 falls under # 2 and I am pretty positive J-Lo doesn’t give a rats poop what anybody’s opinion of her clothes is. By being friendly and non-threatening to these types, you negate their power when it comes to you. Talking about you will drop from their arsenal.
If you can just try and remember these, it will kick out about 90% of the negative talk in your head. Then you can focus on all the crap that happened as a kid that is floating in your head. HA!!
Be true to yourself. I wish I could tell you that being comfortable in your own skin could happen overnight, but it can’t. The main thing that helps me be completely comfortable in my skin is remembering that God made me who I am, and that there is a purpose for me. The way I am and who I am will serve a purpose, help someone else, and so many other things. I am the way I am because that’s how He made me and wants me to be. That may be a very generic answer, but it really does help me sometimes. Also, I know it’s easier said than done to just believe.
Also, stick close to those who make you feel most like yourself. No matter who they are, stay by them and be with them as often as possible. Whoever makes you comfortable, whoever makes you forget about your faults while your with them, whoever makes you feel totally unjudged, stick with them. The more you feel their acceptance of the person you are, the more comfortable you will begin to feel. Soon, you’ll begin feeling comfortable around others too. I hope this has helped in some way, and I wish you the best of luck!
Alesia says "Tuesday afternoons are for Handmade Memories."
As an empath, part of my problem with needing the approval of others used to be that I couldn’t stay rooted in my own perceptions. I kept trying to sense or track what those others were thinking or feeling about me. My “vision” would try to find out what I looked like from someone else’s eyes, if that makes any sense.
It was only when I started making a serious, conscious effort to stop that, to stay centered in my truth, that I began to win any victories in this particular battle. I told myself to stay rooted behind my own eyes—that MY perspective on any given event was just as valuable as anyone else’s.
I also reminded myself that I was the only person who possibly could get any given experience from my perspective, and if I was trying to “get it” from someone else’s, that I was really dishonoring myself, the other person, and the experience in a big way.
This has given me a much more authentic way to believe in myself, to value my own opinion of myself above anyone else’s. In this way, I don’t have to invalidate what anyone else thinks in order to feel secure—I just have to remember that what I think is, ultimately, more important.
That is how I feel too. I’m a very empathetic person by nature, and I am constantly trying to see myself through someone else’s eyes.
I don’t think I was able to clearly identify this until I read your entry just now.
I need to stop being so preoccupied with “what I think what someone else thinks of me…” it’s usually inaccurate and only adds to the insecurity.
I’m going to try and make a conscious effort to stop.
Thank you for making me realize this!