Christine119

Happy birthday!! 2 days ago

people who open doors for me (and others). They don’t have to; they want to, out of the goodness of their hearts. I was carrying two big boxes today and was glad someone was there to open both doors for me. 1 week ago

Nice list; you are so organized. 1 week ago

the most adorable little cactus ever. I want one!
nice and clear sink area, ahhh. looking good. 1 week ago

I know it’s hard. Remember that no one has the approval of everyone—not even the most famous celebrities (think about it). Also know that what the laughing people are putting out is a reflection of their own ignorance and insecurities inside of themselves, and not because of you (including the teachers). You sound like a good kid and that is so valuable in society! This will get you far, after you have left grade school. I would say—tell your parent/guardian what is going on. This behavior, especially from your teachers is unacceptable. You deserve to be respected, as their student, and the teacher can even set the example for how other kids treat you. Have your parent go in and talk to them. It can get the teacher on your side. 1 week ago

Sometimes, asking is all it takes.

I know I talk about my mom in just about every post, and I do love her, but growing up with her example of hating people and therefor never wanting to ask people about things motivates me to ask about things. especially now that I’m on my own. I’m not talking about being rude or pushing for things I don’t deserve. I mean just asking about things in general. queries. Queries can lead to awesome things I don’t expect, if I just ask… :) For example, I got the internet company to come do construction for faster internet… no one else on this street had asked, for 7 years. I did. I asked one company and they said no, so I asked another. They came. just by asking! Well, I asked and I pursued. I’m so proud of myself. I am taking steps to be a more active voice in life, little by little.

I told my dad about it because I’m proud of myself and he is trying to act like they came out just at random. No! One day he is encouraging me to ask for things and be bold, but when I do, sometimes he pretends not to recognize it. I don’t even think he realizes he does this… Oh, dad.

On one hand, he hates “strong women” (he was abused as a child by a “strong woman”, so he misjudges all of them now), but on the other, he actually wants his daughter to be a strong woman for survival. Well, dad, which one is it? I don’t think he even knows, so I’m trying to be done with looking for approval through my parents. At the same time, I want them to see and be proud of me. I’m not going to shrivel up like my mom and hide forever. not a chance (well, there is a chance, because she was my example for so long, so I’m trying very hard to combat it). Keep in mind that I don’t ever tell this stuff to my parents. I’m just a daughter venting about her parents where they can’t see and don’t need to see.

From now on, I’m going to recognize and celebrate when I stand up for something, even if they won’t recognize it. be my own cheerleader… (that sounds like the loneliest thing in the world lol! but I don’t care what it sounds like. Someone has to encourage me, even if it’s just me :)).

I am a late bloomer, so I keep looking to my parents for approval, but I want to stop that. Good idea for a new goal.

I am my own woman. They will not always see the good or agree with me, but that’s just fine, because I will. 1 week ago

I padded my meal with no-salt-added corn this morning. I only ate 1/3 of the salty freezer meal that typically I’d eat in whole.

269 mg breakfast

compared to 730 mg of the whole salty meal I’d usually eat

I shaved off 461 mg!

I’ll have to go back to trying home cooking when I heal all the way. These premade meals are so bad about salt. I looked at my small breakfast biscuit label and shook my head. It does not need that much salt to taste good to me.

I won’t get my meals below 140 mg, because I do like some salt, but they certainly won’t be 730. Goodness… 1 week ago

I was just dreaming of a soda today lol, Thank you for the encouragement. helps me stay on track ! :) 1 week ago

I could go on and on about what I feel inside about my mom’s lack of teaching me basic social skills. My favorite aunt was my favorite because she got me involved and feeling confident… the very opposite of what my mom did. Unfortunately, I rarely saw that aunt to pick up more encouragement. My mom took the easiest path possible in being a mother and my dad did not see it (he was always at work and stressed and just happy to be home at the end of the day). I don’t want my kid to have to flounder for a source of teaching, like I did. She slapped a label on me (shy) and left me alone, never even attempting to show me to what do or say, and always doing the speaking for me. I’m not saying I wasn’t shy at times, but I certainly was capable of being a little leader when she was not around. I shriveled around her, living up to the label she put on me. I thought mom knew best. She hated talking to people, so “I did too”.
/vent

History will not repeat. I am adamant about this. I will not push; I will be involved.

I’m not even sure I will have a kid, but I am sure that this will happen if I do. 1 week ago

I was reminded today when I saw a bunny stopping at an oil spot on the cement (maybe it thought it was water at first glance. The bunny did not drink it, no worries.) 1 week ago

I sent her mother’s day gift with my dad to give to her. She called and said she felt horrible about not being here for me. I am glad she could recognize it. 2 weeks ago

That’s so funny! 2 weeks ago

I’ve been talking a little more freely with people, not giving myself much time to think about it, just saying what I am actually thinking in the moment. usually a question or observation the other person can probably relate to (or give an opinion on). spontaneous talk. not all the time. no way. but more often. I’m finding that the more people I make myself have to talk to, the less I care about how I appear/sound/whatever. so… repetition is the key for me? We’ll see. I know for a FACT that if I stop, it just reverts…
I have to keep finding more and more things to do to make myself talk to people. no hermititis allowed.

One big challenge is hanging out with my guy’s best friend. This is always a challenge. He’s loud and crass sometimes, which makes me think that might some day be directed toward me if he’s had one too many beers. It brings me back to the fear of the bully calling me a name when I was little. Last time, I told my guy to go have a guy’s night as an excuse for me not to go, but he really wanted me to go. I have to retrain my brain that it does not matter what this guy thinks or says and I can’t take it personally if he ever says anything off-color. I can stand up for myself, but not take it personally. He approves of me, and I’d even say he REALLY approves of me, but what if he didn’t? It should not matter. Be who I am with reckless abandon. 2 weeks ago

without. yay 2 weeks ago

Every time I see you update, I picture a little piggy walking intently along all those miles… :) (your avatar) 2 weeks ago

still going. Updating this helps me. 3 weeks ago

short for zinfandel, a wine 3 weeks ago

Yom is part of the name of some Jewish feast days, like Yom Kippur. 3 weeks ago

done 3 weeks ago

breakfasts:
✺ sausage and eggs on sesame seed bun, fruit
✺ bacon and eggs (2 with turquoise capped mrs dash in it) sandwich on sesame seed bun + fruit
✺ bacon, egg, waffle, fruit
✺ bacon, egg, pancake, fruit
✺ sausage biscuit w/cheese, fruit

Dinners:
✺ Tomato parmesan noodles, andouille sausage/italian meatballs, and creamed corn
✺ chicken alfredo, garlic bread, sweet peas
✺ steak w peppers and onions, creamed corn,
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✺ Sundays: pinto beans with added onions, canned mustard greens, breakfast sausage with added onions 3 weeks ago

Thank you for the cheers. This is going well. I was very scared, but I did it and now healing. 3 weeks ago

I’ve been playing with to-do list length…

Structure can make me very happy, or very sad.

I can easily go nuts writing very long lists for each day. I am finding that the smaller the list, the better. Do the blinds really have to be dusted EVERY day? No. Heck no. overkill. Sure, it sounds like common sense, but I forget it sometimes, as I excitedly write the lists.

I’m finding that JUST ENOUGH structure brings me the most happiness. Things do NOT have to be perfect.

No guilt about not being perfect, anymore. My guy will be just as happy to see me when the couch has a day’s worth of fur on it as he would with no fur on it. 3 weeks ago

I am going to check that out. I see they even have an upcycling group. Thank ya! :) 3 weeks ago