heh 17 months ago
Yeah, that makes sense. For the moment, it has faded away… so I’m not going to try and figure out if it was all purely fantasy or not. If it comes back, then hopefully I’ll be able to deal with it in a more mature way, and not project my wishes and needs onto it. Although… in the end, whether it was real or not, I feel like we made something real out of it. I mean, I know a lot of people took on their spirit person and really began to identify with them… which was pretty cool.
But yeah, no one blames you for leaving I don’t think. I don’t think anyone was upset with you for not believing either, because it was kind of a hard thing to believe! 17 months ago
Well, I am not sure how long this is going to be, or if anyone will really see it. But, last night I stayed up for hours thinking about exactly what happened to us these past couple years. I know Mai has already posted something on the subject however, I thought it might be a good idea for me to post something. In the end, I brought this whole family thing here… so I feel like I should give it some closure.
So… I guess this biggest question here is, “Was it all a lie?” I believe the answer to that is yes, and no. Better yet, I have no freaking clue. How could that be though? How can someone lie, and yet not lie? Basically, I’m pretty sure I lied to myself. See, I had just turned twelve when all of this began. I don’t even remember how I introduced it or what was going through my mind at the time, all I know is that I had this obsession with an imaginary land. There was a beautiful castle that I painted pictures of, and a forest with animals that could talk… There was the sea, which seemed to be in a state of perpetual sunset. This land was filled with sights and sounds and feelings. I could feel every leaf, smell the sea, and I could hear Sage. I could hear her speak to me and tell me I was special and important and loved. After a while the land moved out of my day dreams, and into actual dreams that I had about three times a month. I always found it interesting that I could talk to people here, and they said things that made sense. I began to believe Sage. I began to believe that maybe this place was real, and maybe I was a princess.
Eventually, of course, I brought this new found fantasy to Chatzy. Like I said, I don’t really remember what happened… except that I started talking to someone in my mind, and they answered in a way that didn’t seem like me. So, I began to repeat what they said online. Then, people believed me. They said “Yes, yes! That seems familiar! I can feel that!” These people, who actually seemed real, were accepting what I said and believing me. Some of them even claimed to feel these people, to remember things. They would tell me what they remembered and the voices would say “Yes, that is correct!” Then, my brain would fill in the memories for me.
Soon after, I began to learn how to meditate. Now, I could see things… just as I had in my dreams, only for as long as I wanted to. I would always enter on a specific path, and then I would ride toward Sage’s castle and talk to her. It felt different though; whenever I went there, I would always feel like I was on a rollercoaster just before I entered the land. I didn’t really know how to tell people how to do that, and Sage told me only I could.
Things progressed from there. We met new people (Bay, Izzy, Wolfie, Mai, May, Dina, Hope) and drama began. More and more people confirmed that they honestly felt something. More and more people began to be “attacked,” and spoken to. I wasn’t the only one experiencing this anymore. In the end though, I don’t think any of those things were what made me truly believe. It was the sense of family that I felt whenever I logged on. I mean, we fought and we bragged and we competed with one another. We threatened to leave from time to time, but in the end we almost always stayed together. To be completely truthful, I doubted the Sasstosa family on and off again. Yet, I never said anything because I was scared it would break what we had. I knew we had family, I just wasn’t always sure of how magical and mermaid-filled it truly was. Of course, as soon as I really began to doubt, someone would always come along with a new experience or someone new would talk to me.
Soon, talk began of going home. At first I was excited to lead everyone back to this perfect world. However, I always felt this nagging in the back of my brain that I couldn’t do it. On that first Halloween, I sat down and meditated and felt that roller coaster ride… and then nothing. What? What went wrong… Well, obviously I couldn’t do it. I stayed up for hours trying and trying again, until I eventually just went to sleep. Needless to say, that would probably one of the bigger disappointments in my life. Naturally, my mind came up with a reason for it.
Anyway, you can all see where this is going. I tried again the next year, I was older, and I still failed. I’m not stupid, and I know you guys aren’t either. I’m pretty sure we all figured out that there is a good chance that this isn’t as real as we thought in prior years. Then Chatzy began to break down for a number of reasons… the lack of that family feeling, the busy schedules, the disappearance of interesting conversational topics.
So… that is that. I don’t believe I lied, and yet I’m pretty sure that I did. I lied to myself, and subsequently lied to all of you. As real as it all seemed, I’m really starting to believe that it was just a fantasy in the end. Yet, I want to make it known that I really did feel everything. When Sage died, I cried. I cried for a really, really long time. It was personal. When I gave you guys bad news, and you were disappointed, I felt really bad about it afterward. I felt everything, and I know a lot of you went through the same emotional roller coaster as I did. I would say I’m sorry, except that I’m not. I mean, unless I have damaged one or some of you in a permanent way and caused you great amounts of angst and pain… then I am most certainly sorry for that. Although, I feel like we have gained a lot from this experience. I feel like it saved my life. I feel like I would be a pretty shitty person if not for The Sanctuary and the family. Hopefully, you guys at least feel some fraction of that… hopefully this has meant as much to you as it has to me. So… yeah, even if the chat breaks down and I never talk to a single one of you ever again, I want you to know that I will remember you, and that I love you, and that I am truly grateful that I was able to share this experience with you.
Comments are appreciated. 18 months ago
jussayin. The pendant was given to me by my mom, and it was given to my mom by a really wise spiritual teacher named Brugh Joy, who is no longer with us :( but yeah 2 years ago
The divine light of God is showering down upon your unibrow. 2 years ago
FINALLY. Okay Idk if you can see the labels. Buuuuuuuut basically this is my altar, and I labeled all the stuff I put on it for anyone who needs any help. so yeah :D 2 years ago
Dark side…. with the moon goddess and the white mask of Lugh :) (notice the yin-yang symbolism with the masks and table clothes) Annnd also theres my little Kokopelli man, whos balancing on his little bar and swings back and forth. Btw, in that little bowl right there, I put an apple pumpkin muffin I made as another offering :D! 2 years ago
Light side…... from the tree Im going to hang little leaf-shaped papers for things Im thankful for, theres also the dark goddess and the raven mask of Tanist. The Chalice is my newest edition to my magick stuff, and its super cool and blood red. I love it, I put apple cider as an offering in it! 2 years ago
Sooo In this basket are a TON of stuff that we harvested for our garden, and some corn that I accidently dried….. Remember my Lammas altar? Hehe… I left the corn on it… BUT NOW ITS COOL. The thing is surrounded by a few runes that represent the season too :) 2 years ago
Kay, so I took another picture and YEAH. here it is!!! :D In the comments I’m also re posting some better pictures, including one with the altar all labeled and shiz nits. 2 years ago
While I’m normally a skeptic on here, even I’ve seen the tail… and wow. I seriously don’t think anyone on here can photoshop that well, and much less devote a bunch of their time into tricking a bunch of people online. Claire hasn’t even demonstrated signs of seeking attention, she’s been very open about how she did it and is trying to help people. And furthermore, even if she is fake, the method that she’s using seems like it would work ten times better than spells anyway, and doesn’t go against anyone’s religion. I say you should put the picture back up for people to see, all of this has been very helpful to the goal :) 2 years ago
Also, you may want to try spelling “Sanctuary,” right xD (you forgot the C) AAAAAAND, Idk what to do about the actual translation of Sanctuary. Because like… you have that Y in there, and on the internet theres some alphabets that include that symbol, but there are some that don’t.
There are some that say you could use Jera as both a J and a Y.
There are also others that say you’re supposed to shorten it down to how you read it outloud, not how its spelled.
As for me, Im pretty loyal to the Divination Runes, which don’t include the Y, so idk 2 years ago
Yeah I agree with izzy, I think maybe there might need to be more. and yeah idk, like it would be super cool if we were older and stuff but I wouldn’t want to get a tattoo and then have to get it taken off because I dont know anyone from here anymore. Now that I plan on loosing contact, but should anything happen then that would be a fail. Also, it kinda depends on like…. when we meet I guess? I know from experience that people can be crazy different in real life than they are online. While luckily the three people I HAVE met in real life have been awesome… what if we run into someone from the sanc that was awesome online, but you just plain couldn’t stand them offline? I hope that never happens, but Idk I just want everyone to be committed to it, and to every single person on here, and I know that there are people that aren’t that commited (not that thats a bad thing, its just how you feel) SOOOO YEAH. We would have to meet everyone, and all make sure we were dedicated. 2 years ago
Jewel’s Sun sign is Pisces, her moon sign is Aquarius.
Mai’s Sun sign is Aquarius, her moon sign is Aquarius.
Allys Sun sign is Aquarius, her moon sign is Leo.
Tree’s Sun sign is Leo, her moon sign is Leo.
Mitsu’s Sun sign is Leo, her moon sign is Sagittarius.
Maggie’s sun sign is Sagittarius, her moon sign is Gemini.
Wolfie’s sun sign is Gemini, his moon sign is Tuarus.
My sun sign is Tuarus, my moon sign is Sagittarius.
Riah’s sun sign is Sagittarius, her moon sign is Cancer.
Izzy’s sun sign is Cancer, her moon sign is Aries.
Bay’s sun sign is Aries, her moon sign is Sagittarius.
Volde’s sun sign is Aries, her moon sign is Virgo. (it could go either way)
The phuck. 2 years ago
Yeah, also water to balance out the earth air and fire (I have absolutely no traces of water in my astrology chart whatsoever). And I have no idea yet xD 2 years ago
yeah I get what you mean with that… like it would be amazing to be a mermaid, and yet at the same time I would be really content with having a beautiful fake tail and being professional with that. I wish I had a pool to practice in :\ 2 years ago
haha yes ive tried that and you’re right its totally amazing! And that would be cool, I just… I guess I need something to put my energy into. and yeah, my god I want a Hannah Fraser tail- unfortunatly you either have to buy them from the mertailor, or make one yourself. Making on yourself is like 600 dollars, and the mertailor can either be 600 to 1000 depending on how good of quality you want. I really wanna get/make one, but at the same time, if I grow anymore Im screwed ._. so yeah Im just gunna work with my purple tail and paint it a little until I stop growing/have enough money. And yes bro, have you asked your parents yet tho? because and answer would allow my dad to start looking for hotels and places and such 2 years ago
Yeah I get what you mean. And it is interesting, but you should go with your gut… hey, maybe you could have wings here and a tail there! For me its weird… its like, speaking in terms of the “wholeness” rune, the wolf is that which I am, like its my deepest core self. So its always there, but at the same time its hard to connect with yourself. Same with the night, I generally don’t talk about my connection to the dark or night time as often (even though its my strongest connection) because its just so ME that I dont really tell the difference I guess. With mermaids, I feel like it might be my balance? Like the new shiny and yet perfect puzzle piece that completes some part of me. 2 years ago
Idk if I really want to post this or not because yeah idk I might take it down, I just need to type right now and say this and stuff.
So a few days ago, I was taking down my Lammas altar (I usually leave them up for a little while because… you know, like its better to enjoy them for a long time rather than spend so much time making it just to take it down the next day. Anyway) I had put a BUNCH of different runes out on the altar that had to do with Lammas. So as I was cleaning it up, I grabbed what I thought was all of the runes, and put them in my bag. when I came back to the altar, there was a single solitary rune, Sowelu.
Now, at first I would have sort of dismissed it, but the fact was that when I found that rune, I had been thinking about a question. I had been asking my parents about going to the Bahamas or Florida, in the hopes of getting to swim in the ocean with my tail. I had also been thinking a lot about how I could get a fake tail and maybe make mermaid swimming on of my passtimes, like Hannah Fraser. Anyway, last night I looked up the meaning of Sowelu. And it basically said that Sowelu was the rune of power, the sun, energy and so on. The book said a lot of stuff like how right now I am strong enough to make decisions and that the thing I quest for is not only within my grasp, but that I practically already have it, that I’m meant to have it. It talked about how I may be saving my energy right now and how that was wise thing to do, because I know where I need it most.
Anyway there was a lot of stuff about the rune, and if you have a rune book (not many people do but if you do) read the definition of it and yeah you’ll get what I mean.
Idk if I’m getting back into mermaids. I know one thing that differs between mers and weres for me is that wolves are always there, always made readily available, always with me. Yet when I get back really connected with them, the connection isnt insanely strong… its strong, but not horribly. With mermaids, they can go out of my mind for like a year after I push them out, but once I start to go back to the ocean its like this magnetic force pushes me to it. I don’t know, I think it satisfies some sort of thing in me that I can’t name. It reminded me of how the rune that I got was the rune of wholeness and balance. Hmmm
idk why Im really posting this, it just REALLY intrigued me and … yeah comments are appreciated. 2 years ago
While you do have a point on that….... I think something needs to be said in the fact that technically, he IS making this goal harder.
Think about it. With ANY tactic that we use on here (shifting, meditation, spells, ritual) the key thing you need is BELIEF that it will work. If you don’t believe it will work, it won’t. Now, with almost everything Lord Bearclaw posts regarding mermaids, it makes it that much harder to believe. And while he’s only stating his beliefs, they neither help people achieve the goal, and honestly, make it even harder. Because of this, just leaving it be is doing the whole goal a disservice. Hes the exact opposite of everyone on this goal, he makes it harder, and while what some of what he says may be true, it doesnt help. Therefor, he shouldnt be on here. 2 years ago
ROFLMAO. “shit theres a bad guy. Time to take my clothes off.” xD but dude thats weird, Idk what that means honestly… like im really horrible about those types of dream where theres someone you know in the dream, because its like… idk I know that every person in a dream, whether you hate them or love them, also represents a part of you or a part of your soul. But at the same time, if its a SPECIFIC person, its kind of hard to know what that means. weird dream tho bro ono 2 years ago
Guys… uh…. I didn’t really mean to target bay in her response. while the comment seems really rude to put it into context she was talking to riah when this happened, not the whole of sanc :\ just… yeah just putting that out there xD 2 years ago
haha I actually do agree with maggie in that… but I do see bays point. Heres what I think.
People our age… We do just what maggie said, and what bay pointed out. We change. We all have, like I remember WAY WAY back when, we were ALL different. I was Andromeda, and connected to different things, you know? You where different too (both bay and maggie… and hell you too suz, all of us.) I think on the surface, we change everyday. We see something that we like and we connect to it to see if its right. And yet, with all the change, some things stay the same. I’m still connected to exploring the dark, with wolves and to the change of the seasons…. theater, and to myself. But you know… one day I might wake up one person, and the next ill be someone different. One day, I’ll wear a floral dress and sunglasses and sandals, and the next day I’ll be wearing chunky bad ass boots and a leather jacket. It always changes, because nothing can ever stay exactly the same. So the way I view it…. its like a journey that we’re on together. We’re all on the same path, or our pathes are all running along side each other in a unique way that it doesnt for a lot of people. So… As long as we’re on that path, lets enjoy the scenery and explore, because if we look strait ahead and hurry through it we won’t have anything to remember. No memories.
Change is inevitable. We have to go on every curve of the path, so why not enjoy it? :)
AND THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT. 2 years ago
haha awesome possom :) don’t worry though its not a test or anything… once everyone comments and all I’ll say what it really is 2 years ago
This is random. But I want y’all to do it just cuz. So basically heres a bunch of words, and I want you guys to choose some. A couple that describe you, one thats really important to you, one that you look for in friends and one extra one that just like… calls out to you. Thats just a basic set up you dont have to do it like that but choose five :D And sorry they’re not all worded perfectly for being traits but just…... yeah just do your best.
Seeing past Deception
Giving and sacrifice
Standing up (for yourself)
Acceptance, Integration and Understanding
Embracing the Unknown 2 years ago
Wo :o This entry was so unexpected xD Idk why.
But yeah, you are right in that respect. You do have to find the RIGHT animal, not the coolest one. I really believe that mine would be a wolf… not only in my connection, but just based on the spirit of the wolf I believe its a lot like me. Medicine cards wise, the wolf is the Teacher, which also makes a lot of sense for me (and is shown on my astrology chart…. no joke, but too long to explain xD) Hell, even a Shaman who didn’t even know I liked wolves said I was “Keen like a wolf” when my mom asked him.
So yeah. but this is an interesting post, and I’d probably be willing to go back and look through other animals that could be linked with me 2 years ago