ShadeDeMonesko

1) Singing – in any form and any time. Be it in the shower or on the stage. That is the thing that I live for.
2) My Randy – he makes me happy in a way that I never thought that I am capable of and I owe everythign to him.
3) Having a goal – if I don’t see a goal, I will not bother. That is why I have a bad relationship with my work at the moment because I just sit there with no specific goal in mind.
4) Waking up and seeing that it is not raining outside.
5) Going home to Latvia – I wish I could return there permanently together with Randy.
6) Weekends.
7) Waking up before alarm clock and knowing that I still have time for an hour of sleep.
8) Watching movies.
9) Listening to music that I love – don’t need to think at all. Just ease into the melodies.

10) Waking up and feeling warm and protected.
11) Going inside after being out in the cold.
12) Snow – I never knew how much having snowy winters means to me until I came to UK and have been having a long and miserable autumn where winter is supposed to be.
13) Thunderstorms – there is something so empowering about the electical charge in the air.
14) Dancing in the summer rain.
15) Travel – Visiting new places, seeing new things and experiencing things that I have not before make life so much more worth living.
16) Overcoming a fear and doing something that I want to.
17) Being childish – sometimes everyone has to be a kid.
18) Playing videogames.
19) Trying out new recipes.

20) Going out to a nice restaurant.
21) Going out for a couple of drinks with Randy’s colleagues. They are awesome guys.
22) Decorating my home. I love making my place belong to me completely.
23) Receiving flowers or getting flowers for myself – I pretty much tend to always have flowers at home.
24) Incence sticks – looking at the smoke soothes me and they give a nice scent to the place.
25) Candles – similar to the previous one, they calm me down greatly.
26) Making cocktails – it is quite fun to try.
27) Flying – I like being in an airplane. Generally because it takes me to new places.
28) That moment when you have been ill for some time and you wake up one morning and are feeling good again.
29) Museums – they are packed with knowledge.

30) Fitting into my skinny clothes and feeling that they are just right or slightly loose.
31) Dealing with animals – They are so pure. Never will an animal betray or lie.
32) Taking a walk in a weekend – something about fresh air and the process of walking relaxes me.
33) A hot cup of coco in front of a TV screen in an autumn or winter evening.
34) Warm socks – somehow nothing signifies comfort to me as much as a pair of warm socks.
35) Creating something new – a drawing, handcraft object or anything at all really.
36) Finishing something that I have been looking forward to.
37) When someone of my loved ones admits that I have done well.
38) Reaching a personal best – Never do I feel more proud than when I break a previous record of my own.
39) Winning games – I am a very sore loser and kind of an unpleasent winner, but I am severely competitive and winning makes me feel good.

40) Hugging my cat – I know that he hates being held, but I love how his fur feels and how warm he is. And I see him so rarely too.
41) Seeing my loved ones – living away from them is quite hard for me, as I have grown used to being around them.
42) Being able to resolve a problem or giving a good advise to someone.
43) Feeling earth with my bare feet.
44) Swimming – I love the felling of weightlessness in the water.
45) Sea – When I was in Latvia, I would go fairly regularly to the seaside with my bike and just stare at the water there.
46) Reading – it is other kind of travel; to worlds of someone’s imagination.
47) Touching things – I need to be able to explore with my hands just the same as with my eyes. Sening objects feels very plesant to me.
48) Adding things to my collections – DVDs, games, CDs, game consoles, books, game or movie memorabilia, anything at all.
49) Browsing books in libraries or book shops – I absolutely love the smell of typography and the feel of a book.

50) Surprises – Just something to change the routine of life.
51) Shopping – food shopping, book shopping, game shopping, even if I don’t buy anything at all, just feels kind of nice to browse.
52) Opera theaters – I grew up in one and I feel very connected to them. Love the aura in there.
53) Napping on the couch in our flat.
54) Sweets – this one though is a double edged sword. Sweets make me happy while I am having them and then I feel guilty because I am trying to lose weight.
55) Smell of cinnamon and vanilla – something about them makes me smile.
56) The process of baking cakes and cookies.
57) Cleaning – especially if the place has been very untidy, cleaning it gives a satisfaction.
58) Being in the car with Randy – I love it how much he enjoys driving.
59) Sex.

60) Going to metal concerts – it feels nice to just let myself loose and feel the massive energy.
61) Finding double meanings for things – I find it amusing
62) Silence – No always, but sometimes I love having everything go quiet.
63) Sounds of nature – bird songs, water flow, wind in the trees…
64) Sunbathing – during the winter I freeze through and through. I need some warmth in the summer to keep me going.
65) Long, hot baths – relaxes muscles like nothing else.
66) Massages – giving and receiving.
67) Giving gifts – I just want to see the happy spark in the eyes of the receiver.
68) Learning – I need to constantly learn something or I get very bored with everything and I am not pleasant when I am bored.
69) Cartoons – I really love watching cartoons in the mornings. Somehow I can’t break that habit ever since I was just a kid and my morning routine was a bowl of cereal and a cartoon.

70) Getting a hug from Randy or holding his hand – it feels very warm and safe. Like nothing at all can happen.
71) Going to the cinema – I like a big screen and a comfortable seat.
72) Accidentally finding things that I thought I have lost.
73) Browsing internet for interesting or inspiring things.
74) Lists – weirdly I love creating lists. Even though it is not really true, the process makes me feel a bit more productive.
75) Being able to express myself in a different language – which reminds me that I should really review my German and Japanese.
76) New technology – I love exploring the new things.
77) Geocaching – it has brought me to quite a few amazing places.
78) Sunsets/sunrises – I absolutely adore the colors.
79) Fairy tales – no matter if they are in a book format or movie format, I love them.

80) Bram Stoker’s Dracula (the movie with Gary Oldman) – It really is one of those movies that I can come back to over and over again no matter how I feel or what my mood is.
81) Harry Potter – these books taught me English.
82) Star Wars – If someone sais that they don’t like Star Wars, I am perfectly sure that I have nothing to talk to them about. Which has proven to be right over and over again.
83) Occasional girly movies.
84) Sometimes just not doing anything at all can feel better than anything.
85) Meeting my two friends in Latvia – this doesn’t happen all that often, but it is very nice.
86) Observing someone, who is doing something that they feel passionate about.
87) Feeling like I am good enough – unfortunately, with my horrible self image, this doesn’t happen all that often.
88) Receiving mail – It makes me feel very happy, especially since generally I receive things that I have ordered online and really want to have.
89) Finding time to take care of myself a bit – apply a facial mask or a body scrub. Just a simple pleaseure.

90) Getting my hair done – I really like the feeling when someone is touching my hair.
91) Rollercoasters – even when I am really scared in the beginning, I love rollercoasters. They are so much fun.
92) Circus – I haven’t been to circus in forever, but I used to absolutely love it as a kid.
93) Stand up comedy – of course, not all of it, there is enough of it that is just awful, but in general I enjoy the light fun of listening to it.
94) Cats – I know that I already had a point for animals in general, but cats are my weakness. They are just amazing.
95) Horseback riding – I am not really good at it or anything, but it is a lovely feeling to be on a horse.
96) Fire – I love the tradition of bonfires in Latvia. It is amazing to sit near a fire and just stare at it. Even better when you cook some mean in it too.
97) A breeze on a stuffy summer day.
98) Working in a garden – a bit of a reconnection with the nature.
99) Hearing legends about various places – I find legends to be completely fascinating.
100) Anime and manga – I used to be a complete anime freak. Now I enjoy it a great deal, but I do other things too. 3 months ago

1) Learn the lyrics for ‘Patience’
2) Perform in the opera
3) Lose 5 kg until June (current: 68.9/goal: 65)
4) Go for runs in my lunch breaks
5) Run 10 km in an hour (current: 8.1/goal: 10)
6) Go for a walk in weekends
7) Read 10 books
8) Finish the DB course (Got a certificate with distinction)
9) Learn Patience’s aria ‘I can not tell what this love may be’ for the exam (pretty much know the text and lyrics. Now to start singing)
10) Practice the song ‘Auf Flugel des Gesanges’
11) Prepare the music history questions
12) Get through sight singing and music theory books up to and including grade 6
13) Start learning guitar with the Rocksmith game
14) Learn to play one piece of music on the piano
15) Edit my NaNoWriMo novel
16) Clean windows (0/6)
17) Try 10 new vegan recipes (6/10)
18) Not kill the plants at home
19) Book my holidays
20) Buy plane tickets to go to the exam in the end of July
21) Buy plane tickets for the end of June visit to LV
22) Get copies of operas ‘Banuta’ and ‘Uguns un Nakts’
23) Be able to recognize the music for exam
24) Practice the yoga breathing exercises
25) Get a present for Randy’s 26th birthday on 17th of May and his name day on 22nd of May
26) Figure out when we are going to Canaries and get tickets
27) Save up £1000
28) Have my annual work review (Dear god, I got a promotion and a raise!)
29) Beginning with April, have non vegan products no more than once a week (so far a complete and utter fail)
30) Finish my tattoo 3 months ago

1) “The Last Unicorn” by Peter S. Beagle
2) “Watership Down” by Richar Adams
3) “Dragonflight” by Anne McCaffrey
4) “Kushiel’s Legacy Series” by Jacqueline Carey
5) “Stardust” by Neil Gaiman
6) “A Song of Ice and Fire” by George R.R. Martin
7) “The Way of Kings” by Brandon Sanderson
8) “Mistborn” by Brandon Sanderson
9) “The Sword of Shannara Trilogy” by Terry Brooks
10) “Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell” by Susanna Clarke
11) “The Princess Bride” by William Goldman
12) “The Farseer Trilogy” by Robin Hobb
13) “The Mists of Avalon” by Marion Zimmer Bradley
14) “The Riftwar Saga”by Raymond E.Feist (3 books)1.Magician, 2.Silverthorn, 3.A Darkness at Sethanon
15) “The Crystal Cave” by Mary Steward
16) “The Dark Tower” by Stephen King
17) “The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, The Unbeliever” by Stephen Donaldson
18) “The Once and Future King” by T.H. White
19) “Wicked” by Gregory Maguire
20) “Something Wicked This Way Comes” by Ray Bradbury
21) “Going Postal” by Terry Pratchett
22) “Small Gods” by Terry Pratchett
23) “Xanth Series” by Piers Anthony
24) “Chronicles of Conan the Barbarian” by Robert E. Howard
25) “The Codex Alera” by Jim Butcher
26) “The Belgariad” by David Eddings
27) “The Sword of Truth” by Terry Goodkind
28) “The Silmarillion” by J.R.R. Tolkien
29) “The Lord of the Rings” by J.R.R. Tolkien
30) “The Kingkiller Chronicles” by Patrick Rothfuss
31) “American Gods” by Neil Gaiman
32) “Neverwhere” by Neil Gaiman
33) “The Legend of Drizzt” by R.A. Salvatore Already read
34) “Anathem” by Neal Stephenson
35) “Watchmen” by Allan Moore and Dave Gibbons
36) “The Elric Saga” by Michael Moorcock
37) “The Hyperion Cantos” by Dan Simmons
38) “The Eyre Affair” by Jasper Fforde
39) “Perdido Street Station” by China Mieville
40) “The Sandmann Series” by Neil Gaiman
41) “The Book of the New Sun” by Gene Wolfe
42) “Frankenstein” by Mary Shelley
43) “The Chronicles of Amber” by Roger Zelazny
44) “The Malazan Book of the Fallen Series” by Steve Erikson
45) “The Wheel of Time” by Robert Jordan
46) “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy
47) “The Stand” by Stephen King
48) “Sunshine” by Robin McKinley
49) “Flowers for Algernon” by Daniel Keyes
50) “I am Legend” by Richard Matheson
51) “World War Z” by Max Brooks
52) “The Time Traveller’s Wife” by Audrey Neffenegger
53) “War of the Worlds” by H.G. Wells
54) “The Clockwork Orange” by Anthony Burgess
55) “Brave new world” by Aldus Huxley
56) “The Outlander” Series by Diana Gabaldon
57) “Cat’s Cradle” by Kurt Vonnegut
58) “Slaughterhouse 5” by Kurt Vonnegut
59) “The Handmaid’s Tale” by Margaret Atwood
60) “The Neuromancer” by William Gibson
61) “The Diamond Age” by Neal Stephenson
62) “Snow Crash” by Neal Stephenson
63) “Do Androids dream of electric sheep?” by Philip K. Dick
64) “The left hand of darkness” by Ursula K. LeGuin
65) “Journey to the center of the earth” by Jules Verne
66) “20000 Leagues Under the Sea” by Jules Verne
67) “The Cryptonomicon” by Neal Stephenson
68) “2001 A space Odyssey” by Arthur C. Clarke
69) “The Martian Chronicles” by Ray Bradbury
70) “The Mars Trilogy” by Kim Stanley Robinson
71) “Starship Troopers” by Robert A. Heinlein
72) “Ender’s Game” by Orson Scott Card
73) “The Forever War” by Joe Haldeman
74) “The Thrawn Trilogy” by Timothy Zahn
75) “The Hitchhicker’s guide to teh Galaxy” by Douglas Adams
76) “Childhood’s End” by Arthur C. Clarke
77) “Contact” by Carl Sagan
78) “The Mote in God’s Eye” by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle
79) “The Culture Series” by Iain M. Banks
80) “Nineteen Eighty-Four” by George Orwell
81) “Animal Farm” by George Orwell
82) “I, Robot” by Isaac Asimov
83) “Vorkosigan Saga” by Lois McMaster Bujold
84) “The Dispossesed” by Ursula LeGuin
85) “A Canticle for Leibowitz” by Walter M. Miller Jr.
86) “Stranger in a Strange Land” by Robert A. Heinlein
87) “The time machine” by H.G. Wells
88) “Doom’s Day Book” by Connie Willis
89) “The Caves of Steel” by Isaac Asimov
90) “Lucifer’s Hammer” by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle
91) “The Martian Chronicles” by Ray Bradbury
92) “The Mars Trilogy” by Kim Stanley Robinson
93) “Space Trilogy” by C.S. Lewis
94) “Old Man’s War” by John Scalzi
95) “The Dune Chronicles” by Frank Herbert
96) “The moon is a harsh mistress” by Robert A. Heinlein
97) “Foundation Trilogy” by Isaac Asimov
98) “Ringworld” by Larry Niven
99) “A fire upon the deep” by Vernor Vinge
100) “The Ilustrated Man” by Ray Bradbury 3 months ago

I know that I should be proud already about my weight loss. I have gone under 70 kg for a bit over a week. Not only that, I was at 68.6 yesterday, which is pretty huge.

However, yesterday I broke down and went over my calorie limit. All vegan, so it was not like the pre-vegan breakdowns, where I would easy total to 4000+ kcal over a day. I racked up slightly below 2000 kcal yesterday and am feeling really guilty about it. Of course, the weight shifted up and today I am at exactly 69 again.

So today I think that I will take the under 500 kcal day, just to feel better about myself. It was planned for tomorrow, but I don’t think that it matters much if I take it right away.

Pickled cucumber and tea for breakfast. 3 months ago

This is an amazing goal for me, which is also rather certain as of now. I have been given a small role (Lady Ella) in the Gilbert and Sullivan opera Patience in the Windsor and Eaton Opera Society.

The performances are coming up very soon starting March 19. I am so excited about this :) 3 months ago

Today I weight 69.5 kg. I have finally reached a number that starts with a 6. Goodby 90s, 80s and hopefully 70s.

I have not been in 60s since I graduated school 7 years ago :) 3 months ago

I absolutely understand how you feel. I got moved to a different role in the beginning of January too and I am so frustrated with everything a great deal of time.

Hopefully it will get better for you. 3 months ago

Just 2 more movies to go and I will be done with this list. Yay! 3 months ago

Hi again. It has been a while since I wrote in here. However, I did have to share this feeling of utter joy about today’s weight in.

I am 71.8 kg as of today. Today is the first day in 6 years that my BMI has moved into the normal weight area. I can not be considered overweight anymore :3 3 months ago

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The last one from van Vogt for a while :3 8 months ago

I guess falling off my bike and scraping the skin off my arm did manage to give me a bit of a wake up jolt.

I have fallen into a terrible routine. I thought that this job that I am having will be wonderful and perfect. However, all that has happened is that I have started hating myself and postponing things that I love. I used to do sports and sing and do crafts. My music was everything to me. But now all I have is a fain memory of the dream which moves away from me with every day more.

I wake up at 6 in the morning, wash my hair, tidy up the house and water plants, learn Python programming for a while. At 8 I leave for work. From 9 to 17:30 I am at work, where I spend my time disliking people. Which is bad for customer support. At 17:30 I take my bike and go back home. I am home at 18:30 when I will eat some dinner, put on a show or a movie and lounge in a couch with my laptop while I am too mentally exhausted to even pick up a book. I’ll probabaly doze off at one point and around 23:00 I’ll move to bed and sleep.

Everything has become a routine. Music has been showed off into the background as in the evening our neighbors are home and I am unable to practice without disturbing them. It feels as if I am losing my voice. What has happened to my dream? There is just a faint memory left from it.

I want to pack my bags, take my love by his hand and leave to travel. Maybe I would be able to find myself again and forget how unhappy I feel right now with this unchanging life.

I would see things and experience and maybe write a book on happy life and…

But it is 7am in the Saturday morning. I can’t sleep longer than 6am while I am used to waking up then. We are going to see a property that I don’t think we can afford to rent in a few hours and then have a few beers with friends as every weekend.

And tomorrow afternoon I will start hating myself again, while the Monday is coming again and I will have to wake up at 6 am, wash my hair, tidy up the place… 9 months ago

What I rally like about van Vogt is that he manages to write from the position of the alien creatures. Actually, the tone of the narrative is very similar in most of his books, which is not a bad thing in particular. 9 months ago