How I did it: im just going to write what i wrote in my journal:
Friday night (march 13, 2010) was a LIFE appreiciation dinner at CLC. Afterward, me briana, maddie, emilie and skyler went to main st. I didn't wanna pay for the movie so me and skyler didn't go. instead, we walked to the crowne plaza, and i said "HEY! perfect time and tide, let's jump off of the pier!" He got excited and so we walked up the pier a ways and took our clothes off and hid them under the bench. Then we climbed up onto the railing and jumped *with dramatic emphasis* into the black bitter sea. Swimming in was exciting. When i got to shore, my body was tingling everywhere from the cold cold water. After that, we snuck into the hot tub at the C street apartments. ..
at first it was fun, but then we started to get really quiet. this is long after me and skyler weren't dating. We were looking at eachothers hands, not talking, for what seemed like 15 minutes. He was all shaky and he started breathing sort of heavy/irregualrly. (which is not unusual for him... he becomes winded easily it seems). I was curled up, holding my knees to my chest. This was most because i felt naked. He put his lips to my forehead for a minute and then kissed me there over and over and over. Then i leaned into his chest and said "this isn't helping you skyler" i tried to say other things like "lets not get confused" but he didn't reply to anything, he just stayed really quiet. i just decided to stop talking. I loved that we were in water. Eventually I looked at his face, something i had been avoiding. He looked so small and sad and hopeless :( so i put my hand into the water and started to trace his face and eyes and chin with my hand. I then, and this is what i probably shouldn't have done, put my hand back in the water and touched his lips. Then i kissed him, his face was all salty from the ocean. Then he kissed me back. Then kissed my face all over, then my collar, and me again. I said hey we should put our clothes back on". So we did, and we walked and talked back to century 10. He was talking as gentle and shy as a little boy. He was quiet the rest of the night, he told me to keep this between the two of us. He's trying to not talk about his personal life in public as much. Apparently. We talked a lot on the way back and made firm, our grounds again. We're not anything but friends. He said "but comfortable friends don't kiss" and i said haha "yes they do." I told him i won't use him in that sort of friend with benefits way. What's the reward in that? I don't get how people are so tempted to use people they aren't attracted to or are passionate about. Ive never really seen sky like that. Anyway, it's one of those nights that i'll put in my pocket. I can imagine people telling me that was not the right thing to do. i can't explain why but , yes it was. We didn't really get to tell each other what we felt, because my break up with him was so abrupt. Now we're done. And it makes sense to both of us, if not to anyone else. Read how I did it… 3 years ago
How I did it: i told him finally. It went so well. As well as it could have. But i was so worried and anxious and ugh just feeling terrible for the last few days thinking about it. It was ripping me around way more than i ever thought something like this would. i always thought that movies make such a big deal out of young (teen)relationships, and how they tear people (even the people like me who are not wanting a relationship) up inside.