- and actually enjoyed it. (Would have enjoyed it more if I hadn’t been wearing jeans and I’d had my ipod.)
So maybe when I get paid I will sign up for a gym membership. 2 years ago
10 years after introducing 43 Things to the world, we have decided we have met our last goal: completing the incredible experience that has been 43 Things. Please join us in giving one last cheer to all the folks who have shared their goals with the world, as well as all the people who have worked at The Robot Co-op to build this incredible website. We won a Webby Award, published a book, and brought happiness to a lot of people.
Starting today, 43 Things users can export their goals and entries from the site. Starting August 15, we will make the site “read only”. 43 Things users will still be able to view the site and export their content, but we won’t be taking any new content from users. We hope to leave the site up for folks to see and download their content until the end of the year. Ending on New Year’s Eve takes us full circle.
It has been a long ride (one of our original goals was to "build a company that lasts at least 2 years” - we beat that one!) While we wish the site could live on, it has suffered from a number of challenges - changes in how people use the site, the advertising industry, and how search engines view the site. We wish the outcome was different – but we’ve always been realistic about when our goals are met and when they aren't.
As of today, you will be able to download your goals and entries. See more about that on the FAQ page. Thanks for 10 great years of goal-setting and achieving.
- The Robots.
- and actually enjoyed it. (Would have enjoyed it more if I hadn’t been wearing jeans and I’d had my ipod.)
So maybe when I get paid I will sign up for a gym membership. 2 years ago
“If you want to be happy for an evening, buy a bottle of wine; for a week, slaughter a pig; if you want to be happy throughout your life, enjoy your work.”
- Chinese saying 2 years ago
So I was told that this district ‘wants’ to hire me, but they ‘can’t’ because I ‘bomb’ the job interviews. So they keep hiring people who are from somewhere else & have never worked for them before. Sounds like an excuse to me.
I figure that if they wanted to hire me, they would hire me. I’ve been working for them for 2 years, so obviously I suck as far as they can tell. [ I’m keeping in mind that the people who hire are not the people I am directly working with, so they don’t really have a clue what goes on anyway. ]
Sooo, I was all pissed off for a week or two, thinking, “I don’t need to suck up to you jerks anyway, I guess my time here is done, unless I want to keep working part time for the rest of my life.” (Except that I have no money so I can’t afford to move in the next 6 months)
But then I was talking to my roommate, who said “I can tell you are a good teacher and you like your job because every time you come home from work, you are enthusiastic about the day. And even if it was a bad day, you laugh and say I’m glad that’s over with!”
So, yeah. I enjoy my job. I don’t enjoy waiting around to see if I’ll be working today/ tomorrow, and I don’t enjoy not knowing if I can pay off my credit card and debts each month. I certainly don’t enjoy the politics of applying for jobs when there is no way I’ll get them because they don’t even post a position until they’ve already chosen who they want to hire.
But when I’m actually working, it’s great.
So – I guess my bad attitude and stubbornness about the completely whacked hiring process is self-sabotage, because I do really like my job. Sigh, I just have to force myself to jump though these bloody hoops. (Why does that make me feel so defeated?) 2 years ago
Last night I went with my ex-boyfriend to a jazz club, and it was amazing. I really enjoyed myself. He commented that this is who I am (going to such events), and cited the following example: when we lived together I was nearly broke, had no income and was living off a student loan that barely covered my tuition.
Despite my finances, the things that I chose to spend money on were: symphony tickets, tickets to an outdoor concert for a band most people hadn’t heard of, Cirque du Soleil (of course I could only manage about one event every 5 months).
His comment made me aware of how much I value these experiences, even if I don’t have them often. I talked about how much I liked jazz clubs – when I had a decent income and lived in Japan, there was a cool little jazz club found, but I only went there 2 or 3 times in 2 years, because I had a hard time finding someone who wanted to go with me. Also, I realized that I like going out dancing, but I never do. I haven’t gone to a club in 4 years. And when I did go to clubs, I went to the places my friends liked, that played top 40 radio pop or hiphop. What do *I like to dance to? Trance.
I’m pretty sure one of my friends who is immigrating to Canada this winter likes trance too. Unfortunately he will live in Montreal. My ex boyfriend said he like trance but I’m not sure if he would dance to it. 2 years ago
I need to let go and allow people to help me. That’s what my ex-boyfriend says. He says I don’t need to be as independent as I am, and it could actually be the factor that is causing some of my problems – too independent / standoffish / not connecting with people.
I never (or rarely) tell people what I want, even if I clearly know what I want.
And one reason that I really do need to let people help me is that my own (usually impressive) problem-solving skills are very low these days, especially brainstorming possible solutions and making ingenious mental connections between seemingly unlike challenges and opportunities.
OK I know that sentence may not be very clear, but I get it.
So, the gist is: I need to give up a bit of this self-control thing I have going on where I feel like I have to do everything on my own. I need to communicate what my needs are, and allow others to guide, influence, and assist me. Select others, not random people off the street. But I DO have an extensive network of people that I could get in touch with and reconnect with. I have been a lazy ‘friend’ in the past few years.
My ex also said that I am very self-defeating. 2 years ago
I helped my friend out today by being her yoga student for a teaching evaluation she was getting. In the feedback, the supervisor told my friend “you have to modify differently, she is uber-flexible, but weak” (meaning me).
I thought that was amusing, but true. Especially my arms – strong as cooked spaghetti!
I also learned that I am nearly double-jointed, so I have to learn not to lock my elbows or knees. I hadn’t realized I do that, so I will have to become more aware of it.
It was actually an interesting process. My yoga positions were being ‘criticised’ by two people, but I got some useful feedback out of it. There were a couple other things I became aware of too.
I already knew I was ‘weak’ though, ha ha! 2 years ago
I want to be with someone who makes me feel safe. And today I am realizing that if I am to feel safe with someone, he needs to be reliable (i.e, do what he says he’s going to do).
This guy C, gives me a sense of safety, but unfortunately I may be mistaken, because he is proving himself to be unreliable. 2 years ago
BUUUUT I think the guy is rather competitive (he just won a tournament against 40 ppl last weekend), so hopefully my complete ineptness won’t frustrate him too much. I am more than willing to laugh at myself though.
So hopefully it’s fun. At least I warned him in advance that I have never played before. I think golf takes a long time, and there’s a 40 minute commute, and we’ll probably stay in that town for dinner, so I will be with him for a long time, which is a bit intimidating. Let’s call it a stress-test!
Saw some huckleberry bushes on my walk last night, and stood there eating until I was full :-) Nice excuse to stop exercising, ha ha! 3 years ago
Do you feel comfortable being vulnerable sometimes?
No, it makes me very very uncomfortable, and I would typically do anything to avoid it.
With that being said, I have just begun to work on this, in the last couple weeks. No mega progress yet, and I expect it to be a long slow process (35 years so far of “Whatever, I don’t care anyway”-ness to undo). But it’s nice to think that maybe I could develop comfort with being vulnerable.
What makes you feel vulnerable?
Umm, I am very much a logic-oriented person, so I can explain myself, personal things, challenges, issues (as I understand them) to another thinker, and they will usually get it. But I explain it logically, and they understand it logically.
The problem arises when I try to relate something personal to a feely person, because of the types of questions they ask, and me not really having the answers, or not knowing myself in that way to be able to answer honestly, even when I would like to.
It’s like I am trying to explain something very complex in Arabic to an Egyptian (after having only taken a 2 month introductory course in their language, 10 years ago…) It’s difficult to find the right words, and even after much effort I’m not sure if I really said what I thought I said, or something completely nonsensical.
(ha ha, and based on the length of this reply, obviously I am NOT very articulate when explaining such things, even in my own language!)
In summary: Explaining how I feel about anything stresses me out, because I am more aware of what I think about things. 3 years ago
that I was seeking.
For many months now, I have known something was very very wrong, but I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it. (See entries below) I could come up with plenty of symptoms and things that were going badly: I was depressed, my job wasn’t going anywhere, my life wasn’t going anywhere and my “relationship” was a non-starter (more trouble than it was worth, for both parties).
I felt like I was wasting my time, waiting for something unspecified, unknown, unable to just take action and make some kind of progress. So, I began to get stressed out about work (they keep giving me compliments about the work I do, but it hasn’t translated into anything permanent). And I began to think about leaving here and just moving on to any random place where I could at least make progress with work/career.
But over the past month, I have slowly begun to realize (aided by one or two frank conversations) that the problem is INTERNAL. I already had the sense that a change of location wouldn’t really make much difference, but it would at least distract me from all the other (unrealized) shit that was wrong.
However, when one person (who is more intuitive than I am, at least about myself) looked me straight in the eye and said, “So, what’s this really about?” and I complained about my job, and various other things,and then he just kept looking at me and repeated “No, what’s this REALLY about?” And then I felt like a worm on a hook…
And, to summarize a long conversation, I realized that I am really ready for a significant relationship, and I even know who I want it with, BUT my emotional unavailability is a HUGE STUMBLING BLOCK. And I don’t really know how to fix it, but I do know that it is going to take a helluva lot of time and a helluva lot of effort. I have been aware that I am emotionally unavailable for a long long time, but it kinda worked for me before, or certainly never bothered me, and I did my best not to screw over or mislead other people. But I’ve been like this my whole life and so it’s my normal.
So, I have a lot of work to do. That’s the mind shift.
I just wish I were a little more clear on where to take things from here… 3 years ago
Wait, what exactly do I like to do?
Someone I recently met asked me this question, and I really didn’t know how to answer. I’ve never really been a ‘hobby’ person, nor a ‘sport’ person.
So, now I have to think about what I like to do (step one) and then go do more of it (step two).
I like to:
See live music
Walk while listening to music (ha, it’s a 2-in-1!)
Look for stuff (beach glass, mushrooms, crab, berries)
Cook (but only when it’s MY idea!)
Drink (but only when I’m with at least one person I know really well, preferably in a small group I know well, but with other ‘unknowns’ around too)
Tell people stuff (I can act like a know-it-all sometimes)
Hang out with my niece Mina and do art or outdoor stuff
Garden (well, container-gardening, because I rent)
I’m sure I’ll think of more things… (I mean I’m limiting this list to things I would do with other people, because the point of this exercise is to be able to develop a conversation and hopefully friendship based on things I like to do, right?) 3 years ago
I think I may even have a tennis racket around somewhere in a dusty old attic. Not that I ever really played before…
(Of course, I don’t necessarily know anyone ELSE who has a tennis racket, which may be a slight glitch.) 3 years ago
for a two-year-old! :-p
Thanks for the comment. Today’s list was just going to be the errands at the top of the list, then I got ambitious with the latter things, so… yeah. Saving the hardest til the last. (But I consider those ones “weekend goals” not just Friday goals.)
I might have to break the harder ones down into sub-goals. I’ve already put off replying to Ken’s email for 5 days, so I guess that should be priority #1. 3 years ago
I have most of the ingredients at home, which makes it pretty cheap. Just need ground beef, hoisin, water chestnuts.
Lettuce wraps – quite possibly the perfect summer food! I just wish my roommates weren’t such sissies about spiciness, because the contrast of hot chilis and the cool lettuce is what really makes lettuce rolls pop!
I am also going to use this goal to keep a list of interesting recipes I have made from internet recipes in the past. (My bookmarks list is getting too extreme!) 3 years ago
I have been thinking too much lately (again), but so far it isn’t leading me to a downward spiral. Maybe that is partly due to 2 people I have been talking with lately who have been able to participate in that thinking process. They have provided separate, but complimentary insights. One person I barely know, and the other I have known for years, though mostly at a distance.
Still, I really appreciate the depth and challenge they provide. (Damn, I really do wish I could meet some women who I could relate to so easily).
I’m getting closer to being able to/ motivated to meditate, but I know I’m not quite ready for that yet. Still have too many swirly thought patterns to sort out first.
Just getting some ‘unimportant’ things done which are easily put off, yet they take on an importance because thoughts that I ‘should do’ them are distracting me.
This is mostly related to getting physical space better organized, decluttering, getting little tasks off my list, planning my summer trip so that I can get all the necessities out of the way and still have some time for just having fun. 3 years ago
Renew car insurance Check mail Get groceries for Asian Lettuce Wraps Take bottles back to bottle depot
Stretch 10 minutes
Reply to Ken’s email, which will require a lot of thought
Call Loopy this weekend
Dig up old resume to apply for post office part time job
Finish (this session of) organizing papers.
*Redefine the problem. (Words are important to me, so I need to spend some time on summarizing/defining this problem accurately, with my newly gained insight.) 3 years ago
in my trial run, then I will try to make some for my brother (his birthday is late this week, and he has kids, so they will think it’s cool). 3 years ago
I have fileted a halibut (didn’t catch it though), caught some crab (didn’t kill them or clean them though), and gutted and baked a salmon (friend gave it to me).
Next up: more crab, maybe an octopus, more fish. 3 years ago
I have the info on how to do this in one of my email inboxes. Just have to dig it up and read through, etc. for starters.3 years ago
Today I am going to tidy up my living space. This will involve the usual laundry, etc. as well as shifting furniture and putting some things in storage.
And to make it fun, I will listen to a podcast as I go. 3 years ago
I have not had much success at making bread in the past, but I’m willing to try again. http://www.43things.com/things/view/4481790/make-bread-alligators 3 years ago
From what I have read online today, it looks like I actually might be better off next year if I do not work (very part time) this summer.
Because if I work and earn only a hundred dollars or so in a week, those weeks will be ‘worked’ weeks at a very low income and will reduce my EI payouts considerably for the entire next year.
That seems dumb. I guess I should phone and find out during the week. I’d rather work a bit than not. I don’t want to be completely bored for the next two months! 3 years ago
Got the symbol, location, and rough sketch. Here it is.
(Inspired by a group of 6-year-olds down the street who nabbed me for face painting this afternoon.) 3 years ago
Stagnation is a definite problem for me. I simply cannot handle it, it drives me bonkers to feel like I’m not making any progress, don’t have direction and purpose.
I believe that it a big part of why I was (am?) depressed for the past year or two.
However, at this point I am trying to reflect and figure out what lessons I can glean from this experience.
Part of the problem is that I see things as stagnation/ wasting time/ just spinning my wheels, but in reality it might just be lack of patience on my part. Or unrealistic expectations, fear of failure and avoidance, etc., lack of commitment (until I am committed TO first)...
At other times, when I had run out of ideas or inspiration, I have pursued work (or education) at the expense of any kind of personal/ romantic/social life. Since my mind is again tending to go in that direction (I guess it’s an odd sort of ‘escapism’?), I need to remain aware that – all the other times I have done something similar – it has not really solved the underlying problem (whatever that is!?).
I do not feel social, I stay home most of the time. I don’t have any good friends here anymore. Or even activity partners, really. Except one of my roommates, but I don’t want to hang out with him too often or people might think we are a couple (small town), and I think he might be interested in me, so – no. Otherwise, I have a few acquaintances, but that’s it. Other than this guy I used to sleep with, but you know what? When I think on it, he’s actually more of an acquaintance than a friend as well. Sure he’d be offended if I told him that, but it’s still true. He doesn’t know me any better than anyone else does around here, he just thinks he does – or more accurately he already knows me as well as he wants to, which is not very well at all.
Anyway, I don’t go out because I don’t want to show up to events alone and be all awkward standing by myself, not talking to anyone. 3 years ago