forgotmyhead

and blogs and the like, but I feel it’s really important for me to do, especially as a freelancer (can I call myself that yet? something I’m working on). I want and need to be noticed for my skills, and I want and need to build a following to support me and pass along my name. But I also need it to be completely seperate from my personal life, and my personal online presence – one reason I am paying money for a professional email – because I am totally not comfortable with putting it all out there and I think that’s okay. 3 months ago

I’m generally working towards a goal, am wonderfully lucky to have G supporting me (in every way, really O.o), and while I’m not totally cool with it, there’s really no way around it right now. I’m pulling my weight in housecleaning and such, hopefully. But, I don’t feel completely lost anymore, just a little useless… 3 months ago

adding:

- make that darn pair of pants
- get to the bottom of my repair pile 3 months ago

I’m a perfectionist, it makes me not want to do things until it becomes dire because I always feel I don’t have the “right things” or the “right skills”...I need to practice drawing, it’s really a hindrance in my confidence especially because of the career I want to have, but making the first mark on paper is always really scary because it looks so awful. Going to work on just doing things! And then maybe it’ll lead to less procrastination. 5 months ago

to “clean the house for at least 20 minutes every day”

I’ve been reading a blog called Unfck Your Habitat (lots of swears! be warned. I happen to like it, but others may not), and one thing she emphasizes is not the marathon clean, which is what I do, so I put it off because I always think it’s going to take me four hours. But if I just tidy and clean at least 20 mins a day, before bed (hey, instead of computer-ing after dinner, I should probably clean – integrated goal setting!) it’s more sustainable, I’ll end up with a cleaner house, and build good habits.

If you want to check out UfYH: http://unfuckyourhabitat.tumblr.com/ 5 months ago

In my effort to get better sleep, I’ve cut myself off of things containing caffeine after dinner and with that I think video games and computer too – I get way too distracted with games and general internet and don’t realize how late it’s getting! Internet addiction. O.o

So – this won’t control my time wasting on the computer during the day, but at least I won’t be on it at all hours of the night. 5 months ago

i’m a halfway decent cook just coming from practice and cooking for myself but most of the food i make is pretty simple (steamed veggies, pan fried/broiled meats, soup, sushi, Things On Rice)

but some things just gotta be like mom’s…like:

-salsa
-jam
-red curry
-braised pork
-mango pudding
-red bean soup
-various “asian broth”s
-creamed corn soup

and also my dad’s recipe for (christmas) steamed eggs <3 10 months ago

Well, I should have known that running away from my life (at it’s core I know that’s what this is) for 3 months doesn’t mean I can run away from myself. Everytime I think about what’s going to happen when I get home I stress myself out. Because I have no job lined up, the film industry is kind of confusing, and I will probably be broke. I’m trying really hard NOT to spend all the money my parents gave me for graduation while I’m here, and barring any unforeseen events I should have enough for about 3 months when I get home but otherwise…>.<

But, I think the path I want to take is getting a little clearer; I have a list of things I want to do when I get home, and I did know that I wouldn’t magically have fantastical job when I graduated and that I am going to have to put in many months of unpaid work. I guess that’s what your twenties are for right? Right? 10 months ago

I want to say recently, but really it’s been a long time, I’ve had this feeling of numbness lingering over everything in my life. It comes in varying degrees, but it’s always there dulling not only the pain but the joy. I find myself wondering why other people are so happy, or find something so intriguing or beautiful or fun. Why can’t I see it?

The amount I participate in my community, IRL and on the web, is in direct correlation to how long I’ve been feeling this way – I used to post daily, post poems and prose, express my feelings but I rarely do anymore. What I let out is “surface” stuff, new hair, educational and potentially professional stuff, things I like. The content I consume is still the same, and I feel find commenting on other people’s things but only if I know them, and so often I will type something out only to close the page before pressing send.

I’ve been shielding myself with schoolwork and humour for so long now that it’s become second nature, and I feel like something is missing. I find myself starting to write about or consume something serious but my eyes dart off to somewhere else, avoiding it completely. I don’t feel like feeling, I don’t feel like doing much of anything these days, even my thoughts for the past month and a half that I’ve been travelling and spending lengthy amounts of time alone, have been so superficial because it’s hard to think about the hard stuff.

So, after reading through my small amount of thank yous, I think I have to thank my younger self. I spend so much time cringing at all the things I used to do, so young and naive (and I guess still this way just plus a couple years and a university degree) but at least I felt, at least I attempted to coherently process my life, and at least I wasn’t scared to share it. Thank you, younger self, for writing all these things that I can go back and read (and sometimes cringe at but also smile and tear up). 10 months ago

Well, after graduating in June…and feeling pretty good about my final year (and final collection) and graduating with honours (...whut? how did that happen?) while I’m not sure if I really did this, I’m pretty sure I didn’t beat myself up over every mistake, did pretty much what I wanted and what I had time for. I definitely feels miles away from 2nd year when I made this goal I distinctly remember being told more than once by classmates that I didn’t know at the time that they really liked that I stood up for myself that one time in Illustration class and if that’s not validation, I don’t know what is. 10 months ago

and my Mandarin is getting better every day but it’s still pretty pathetic. I’ve been trying to study a little here and there but it’s tiring and I’m lazy. Hmm, maybe there’s another goal to be added to the list here… 10 months ago

which is important because i have issues falling asleep at bedtime…

i am coveting this wake up light/clock: http://www.philips.ca/c/light-therapy/usb-playback-and-dusk-simulation-hf3485_60/prd/en/

if only i had money to see if it actually helps… 14 months ago

- clean and put away my pattern/sewing supplies
- take a good look at my wardrobe and make over/donate what I don’t wear
- draft a pattern for leggings actually long enough for my legs and make a couple pairs
- copy g’s pants into a pattern and make a couple pairs
- plan my upcoming trip
- make a couple dresses
- give the house a good scrub
- repaint the bathroom and hallway
- fix the kitchen walls and repaint…and put stuff back without holes
- attempt to install google chrome OS on my netbook 14 months ago

Thank you so, SO much for the past 10 months of support, cheerleading and grounding advice. I wish I wasn’t too awkward to write this to you for real, because you have been such a wonderful teacher and I really look up to and respect you! I can’t even explain how crappy the guidance I’ve received in the past has been, since it has either been non-existant or otherwise not at all helpful. Some of this is due to the fact that I prefer to be independent and solve problems on my own, but each week at my outfit critiques you always found something constructive to say and I really do appreciate that! You have this amazingly calm and collected demeanor and it’s something that extends away from yourself, and it helped to calm me down and collect my own thoughts. I can’t thank you enough for all the help you’ve given me, I know it was your job, but you’ve gone above and beyond while at the same time doing your Masters and I’m sure a million other things, and that’s something really special. You’re a wonderful teacher, and our program needs more of that. I hope the faculty offers you a permanent place. 14 months ago

I am so happy! Well, except for that I didn’t make it into the top 25 as chosen by “the curator” (I have no idea who this person is). But, oh well. I’m happy with it, I’ve gotten tonnes of great feedback and my judging went super well on Friday. And I’m done!

I even got my act together and made myself a real website and got myself a real email account. Crazy, right?

Please take a look and tell me what you think! My collection is on the front page but you can see individual shots in the tab “The Elements of Wit”

www.samantharice.ca 15 months ago

As part of my thesis project I have to give a presentation about my collection to a panel of experts from the fashion industry (well, costume probably since i’m doing a costume collection). We had our rehearsals on Thursday, and I had so much anxiety about it…I felt it even just thinking about writing down what I was going to say. It was horrible! So I put it off until the night before until I absolutely had to do it, and then practiced in front of G twice before I left for school, and you know what? It wasn’t actually that bad when it was my turn. I was nervous, but I remembered to breathe and I got through it without trembling too much. I did look down at my notes a too much, and spoke too quietly (I thought I was pretty loud! Apparently not) but my usual “ums” and “ahs” were barely there. So, practice helps and I’ll have to practice some more before my real jury presentation the second week of March. Wish me luck! 16 months ago

I’m getting so tired of this. It’s my last semester of my degree and I’m feeling quite a lot of ennui and all I want to do is travel. I don’t want to do my assignments! T_T 16 months ago

I’ve even got G on the lookout for things to give away/return/donate and we’ve started a facebook group with our friends for a book swap. We’ve been filling a box and bag slowly to take to goodwill, not as much stuff as I’d like but it’s hard for us to part with things. We’re packrats! I did a big clean of my work areas but I still need to go through and see what I can do without. 16 months ago

that led to a website that led to the past two hours (that I really don’t have time to be using for this) spent reading articles about engagements and the “pre-engaged state” (what? that’s a thing? I guess it describes G and I)...The book was “A Practical Wedding” by Meg Keene and a review of it showed up in my google reader from notmartha and since G’s sister is getting married next year I clicked around the blog for a while to make sure it was worth sending to her…and poof! Two hours T_T Byebye two hours, I miss you. But it was an interesting read, I’ve never been one to spend much time thinking about my “dream wedding”, sure once in a while I think “oh, that might be nice” since it just seems inevitable at this point. Sleepy ramblings…gotta get back to this project :S 17 months ago

it wasn’t a very large box, but I put some kitchen stuff we don’t use it in. And a dress that I haven’t worn since grade 9. And I marked the first day of my reading week as “decluttering day” and asked G if he would help. And I’m going to go take it to goodwill tomorrow. :) 17 months ago

currently revolves around my collection. I guess you could call it my “thesis”, it’s the giant last project of my fashion design degree, and it really does involve a giant amount of work. I really wanted to have something to show for myself, I know I have a lot of skills and I’m really good at what I’m doing, but sometimes I wonder why I’m doing so much…and if it’s really worth it!

Basically we have to do 5 outfits as a mini-collection that will hopefully show the fashion show in April. They can be anything, but you have to be able to back it up with research. We have to do all the process work, from consumer analysis to technicals and pattern drafting, costing, sample sewing, sourcing, style books, production analysis etc…the only thing you can get contracted out are the final garments but I am much too anal to let anyone else touch my work. And of course, I enjoy making my life difficult so I chose to do costume (well, I do want to go into costuming) so all of the production/research assignments are extra difficult since they’re very retail oriented. And I have 22 pieces I have to make O.o I spend a lot of time awake these days.

I have to tell myself this is worth it, but I’m really worried that when it’s all done I’m going to hate everything like I’ve hated pretty much everything else I’ve ever made. I know “you’re your own worst critic” but it still worries me. Well, I’m more than halfway there so I just have to keep going! 17 months ago

This post showed up in my feed this week and G agreed to help me do this starting on Monday. I think I need to suggest this general list also, but right now my biggest issue is the kitchen. We cook often, so it’s always dirty and it drives me nuts! 17 months ago