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Recent entries from gottawonder
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gottawonderI wasn't overly girly

and I don’t recall owning much pink clothing, but I wasn’t against it.

I don’t know if I ever heard my Mom say anything about my brothers, but they would never have worn pink. I don’t know if it was because of the other kids at school, or if it was the way everything is marketed to girls by making it pink.

A nephew of mine loved dressing up in old prom dresses and doing makeup as a kid, and no one bugged him about it, but I think going to school cleared that all up.

It’s weird, because girls can wear blue, no problem.

Friends of ours have a young daughter, and I’ve noticed that she is not dressed in a particularly girly fashion, and doesn’t have dolls or girly toys. It will be interesting to see how this goes. Her Mom isn’t very girly either, so she won’t get a weird message about her Mom’s choices.

While I don’t really care a lot about gender and clothes, I do have to accept that some things would still weird me out. I would still feel a little odd about going to the bank and have a man dressed in a dress help me. Not a transvestite, just a man in a dress.

We all likely have some gender bias. 2 weeks ago

gottawonderI love mini golf.

It’s just so ridiculous! 2 weeks ago

gottawonderGood for you.

That will likely make a huge difference. 2 weeks ago

gottawonderI agree.

Being bored, and maybe feeling like you aren’t capable of making the changes to your life that will lead to feeling good can add to feelings of depression.

Living in Wyoming made me feel awful, because I really didn’t want to be there, and I felt like I had no control over my life (in many ways, I didn’t).

Moving back to Canada really changed things for me. I had a lot more freedom, and many of the big things that I knew would make me happy.

Feeling like you can make changes helps. Finding meaningful activity helps. Feeling valuable to others helps. Being physically active helps. 2 weeks ago

gottawonderThough it doesn't seem as amazing as Superman,

how about a milder form of superhero…

one who can use the powers of compassion to deal with almost any situation without violence?

Their nemesis would be some power and money-hungry person who kept doing things like enslaving a population to dig for diamonds for them, or hunt tuna to extinction, or collect pelts from rare animals to make into hand bags.

His/her powers would be the ability to motivate people to act in compassionate and active ways to help others. It’s very hard for evil to have much of an effect in a population motivated to help each other, instead of each individual trying to only promote themselves.

This person grew up in a peaceful community, isolated in the mountains from the rest of the world. This community was dedicated to peaceful, simple living, and compassion was deeply ingrained in their way of life.

All was well until an angry dictator saw their peacefulness as a threat to his regime (who thrived on destruction and fear to rule) and destroyed their village. Our hero was one of the very few to escape, hiding in the mountains with a handful of others for many years.

Nemesis: see above. Could also be the angry dictator.

Their weakness: being moved to anger, fear, or selfishness. 2 weeks ago

gottawonderI wasn't sure about the casino,

but I honestly think that it’s not such a bad thing if people do it for fun once in a while.

If you set a limit to what you spend, and just have fun with it, it’s just entertainment.

I know what you mean about priorities changing.

Right now, my husband and I should get a little more serious about saving money to build a house (we’re living on an acreage with a well-kept but ancient trailer on it) if we really want that to happen.

We’re not too frivolous, but we could do better. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderMarch 25

Today I am grateful for:

Though the lad was kind of on edge during the morning, he settled down and we went outside for a nice walk in the afternoon.

His Mom gave me a very nice compliment; they were grateful for all the effort I put into taking the boy outside and being active with him, they felt it was doing him a lot of good. It feels really good to be appreciated.

Having some time to nap when I got home, and to be outside with the horses and goats for awhile. 3 weeks ago


I read a lot, and it might be interesting to get paid to read, as long as I still got to choose the books and didn’t have a lot of pressure to read them quickly, and could choose not to finish a book if it didn’t interest me.

I don’t think you could pay me enough either be a plastic surgeon for the already lovely, or the extremely wealthy, or to be their therapist.

I think the job I do mainly right now (caring for an autistic child) strikes a good balance. It has it’s challenges (boredom, and often irritation because he likes repetitive sounds, on rare occasions he can be aggressive). I feel like I am being paid well, and the job (besides being very patient) isn’t too difficult or demeaning.

So, somewhere around a 5 or 6. I would maybe do it for free as a favor from time to time, but likely not for three full days a week. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderI often feel this way.

I do have a frivolous streak, but I have other areas where I don’t feel like spending money.

I like to eat out maybe once a week, but only if I feel like the food was really worth it. I hate spending money on a meal, only to feel like I could have made it at home for half the price.

I don’t bother with casinos, and I buy wine a few times a year.

I very much agree with using money as an investment. I don’t need a new car if mine works well. I feel that fixing it is an investment. I would feel that new windows is an investment too, and something that would improve my life a lot more than lots of fancy lunches.

I don’t necessarily feel badly when I spend money, but I feel badly if I think I’m “pissing it away”. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderMarch 24

Today I am grateful for:

Getting the tire on the truck repaired.

Spending some time in the pottery studio with my husband before he had to drive back to his work apartment.

My husband got to his apartment safely. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderAs an additional thought,

why do you think of this as a man’s expression of love?

I think of it as my right. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderI always wondered this myself.

So, my questions are: What does the word hipster conjure up in your mind?

Sort of a modern hippie.

Someone who would wear eclectic clothes, like skinny jeans before they made a comeback, and maybe some kind of statement cap like a beret, and a wool pea coat. They would only listen to indie music, would hate anything mainstream, and feel that their esthetic taste and intellectualism made them better than all of the materialistic assholes of the world who shopped at Pier 1 thinking that was culture. They liked things like Rothko paintings, poetry jams, fair trade coffee, old steel framed bikes, black framed glasses, and believed that the government was exactly like the one in 1984.

They do believe that people who do mainstream things like live in a big house and have kids and drive a van are all hopeless suckers.

Am I a hipster because I occasionally wear scarves and listen to indie music?

Maybe just a little?

Are you a proud hipster? Or a non-hipster who occasionally indulges in hipster practices? Or one of those people who hates hipsters?

I hate the rigid thinking of hipsters. They are just as rigid as fundamentalist religion people, or rigid Republicans, or small town people.

I definitely have some hipster traits. Being a vegetarian is often a hipster trait. I do try to buy a lot of whole food stuff, and natural cleaning products, and so on.

I like indie music, but I don’t hate mainstream stuff. I’ll shop at Wal-Mart too.

I might like retro things like a vinyl record player, but I don’t bother getting one. It’s still just easier to have digital music.

I do like riding my bike, and if I lived in a city I would bike everywhere, but here I pretty much have to use my car.

I do kind of believe the government is corrupt, but I also feel that there’s almost no way around that.

I don’t want to live in a commune, but I would love to own a retro style bookstore with a cat and some old couches.

When you accidentally do something hipster-y do you catch yourself?

All the time.

Why does there seem to be such a great divide between hipsters, and non-hipsters?

Hipsters are scornful, and think that only they really understand politics or ethics or good taste.

Other folks think that hipsters are just posers, and they hate being judged so harshly by hipsters for liking mainstream things. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderThe reason why I ask about conflict,

is because sometimes I wonder if I am “one of those people”.

I end up in conflict fairly regularly. When I worked at the small library a few years ago, I felt like I was often in conflict (though often petty conflict, more like disagreement) with the other librarian and/or the board members.

I seem to be the one to get very angry about dogs running loose in our area. I have called the police to deal with the owners, since at the time there was no real county animal control people, just the county police or the RCMP.

Instances: when we first moved here, one neighbour had an aggressive wolf cross dog that came after me when I went on walks, and then it came into our yard and came after our dog. I had spoken to the owner two or three times about controlling his dogs, then I got the police involved.

Another neighbour’s dogs attacked our goats. One of the dog got shot (by another neighbour who is a friend, who I called when I saw the dogs in the corral, and he came over and shot one) and again, I got the police involved and got the neighbours fined for dogs at large. When the remaining dog came into our yard later, I called the police again to issue a fine for dogs at large.

I called the police when a different neighbour started harassing us over a fence issue (we had a mutual fence line, our neighbour wanted us to build a second fence farther inside our property line, which according to the county laws he could not insist we build. You can’t tell someone they must build a fence on their property if a mutual fence line already exists). The neighbour in question basically would drive up to us and start yelling at us to build “a fucking fence on your side”, then he left a threatening phone message. I got the police to visit him and stop harassing us, or the next step would be harassment charges.

Keep in mind I only called the police after the third time he drove up to us and started yelling at us while we were working outside.

Now, I am having issues with another family over their dogs. This weekend I rode my horse past their place, and three large dogs came out onto the road. Two were acting in a potentially aggressive manner. One of the ones that was following us and barking was a Rottweiler.

My husband and I got pretty upset at the owner, and told him that it was not legal or acceptable for his dogs to come out onto the public road (by law, not just in my mind). He seemed to think it was my fault for riding past his place.

So I don’t know if I am just some kind of angry person, or if everyone really is just being an asshole. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderMy first job

was cleaning motel rooms for my sister (she and her husband owned a small motel).

That ended up setting a precedent, and it seems I always end up doing cleaning or related jobs.

I have had issues finding jobs too, and often what it takes is finding a job through a friend. Word of mouth helps a lot, and then the friend can put in a good word for you. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderAll of the things

we’ve purchased together as a married couple are in both of our names, such as our property, and our vehicles. I am listed on our accounts, and life insurance, and so on. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderIt doesn't necessarily have to be a big conflict,

it could be something as simple as a room mate who is noisy at 3am, or a co-worker who is often not doing their share of the job, that kind of thing.

I don’t necessarily mean where someone is trying to mug you, or start a fight.

However, if that’s how you see it, cool.

What’s it like, having an officer for a dad? 3 weeks ago

gottawonderMarch 23

Today I am grateful for:

Cleaning for my neighbour, and that went well. My husband came with me to help out so it went faster.

Going for a horse ride on the road (even though some big dogs came out after us, and I had to confront their owner about keeping the dogs off the public road).

A work conflict sorting itself out, though it means that the family I cleaned for said they couldn’t afford to have me clean for awhile. It does free me up to work at the library this upcoming month. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderHow do you deal with issues?

Are you the kind of person that confronts people when they are doing something that affects you in a negative way?

Or, are you a person who just lets it slide, even if it makes you feel like garbage, rather than actually talk to someone about an issue?

How does it make you feel, if you just keep “taking crap” from someone instead of confronting them?

Does it make you feel anxious to confront someone, or do you find it kind of exciting?

How often do you find yourself in conflict with others? More than once or twice a year?

Have you ever called the police on someone? If so, why, and how did it go?

Is there anyone right now that you really should be talking to, about something that is affecting you in a negative way? 3 weeks ago

gottawonderMarch 22

Today I am grateful for:

Sucking up my general foul mood this morning (I hate early starts, and today was a day off). My husband and I were helping friends move, I didn’t want to get up early, I was tired and frustrated, but I sucked it up and made the best of it because I wanted to help our friends, and to help my husband.

The move was fairly easy (they were well-organized and prepared), so it ended up being stress-free, and a good visit as well.

Really having fun with our friend’s daughter, who is now a year and a half old. I kept her busy so our friends could clean and organise, and we did a lot of communicating with growls and belly laughs. 3 weeks ago


I’ve had lots of dreams like that.

It takes me a while sometimes, to clue in and wake up. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderMarch 21

Today I am grateful for:

A good day with my husband in town, mostly just goofing off.

Watching a good movie with my husband.

Good food. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderI honestly do appreciate everyone's support.

I probably judge myself harder than anyone else does.

Maybe no one else even notices my weight, or cares.

I am often grateful for my body, and how strong it is, and my general good level of health. I do not take that for granted.

I don’t put esthetic considerations ahead of my well-being either. I would never fast, or do some stupid drastic diet/fitness regime to try and force myself to fit an unrealistic image.

I guess I just don’t want to keep gaining weight, and start to have trouble with joints, or finding clothes, and stairs. I want to look in the mirror and know that I am in good shape, and feel attractive.

I am afraid of being obese. I think I can honestly say that while happiness isn’t about being skinny, that I would be happy to be a healthy weight, which for me would likely be around 160 or 170. That seems realistic for me. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderIt's okay,

I’m not upset by any of your comments. I welcome good intentions and advice. That’s why I come here.

One thing I am not doing well enough at is being consistent. I don’t end up working hard enough, or long enough to really challenge my body, and for all of the reasons I’ve listed, I can’t seem to get there.

I can go for a walk for an hour, or lift some weights, but I guess my body is used to that and it isn’t “work”.

I have heard that once you get used to a level of activity, your body gets very efficient, and doesn’t burn calories the same way. That’s likely where I am at.

It’s also what scares me a little, because I don’t know how hard I’ll have to push to lose weight. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderWhile there are some men

that I might have been happy with, I don’t worry about it too much.

I think my husband is probably one of the best possible men I could have chosen to marry. It kind of makes it irrelevant, what other options might have existed. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderI'm curious,

when people choose to be celibate, and become nuns/join the clergy, is it really because they have had sexual abuse?

Is it always so clear cut for people who are sex workers?

I’ve heard these things said before, but so many sex workers proclaim that they are happy, healthy people (I’ve wondered…).

What’s your experience? 3 weeks ago

gottawonderI feel uncomfortable around people

who are extreme, and as has been mentioned, their personal life is sort of the main aspect of how they present themselves to the world.

I don’t have any issues with gay people, but I find that I am uncomfortable when their sexuality is the biggest part of their personality.

I don’t even feel particularly comfortable around anyone who has to be very sexual most of the time.

I have a female cousin, who used to kind of play lesbian around me, and was really sexual towards me “as a joke”. Sometimes it was fun, like if we were dancing at a club, but often I wondered what the hell was going through her mind. I suppose I didn’t help by just playing along, so that it didn’t have to become a confrontation.

So, maybe it’s just that sexuality is such a personal thing, and it’s awkward when someone makes a big statement about it. 3 weeks ago


Do you still see each other ? or, if not, do you phone, or are you still in contact at all (i keep it down to text and email, we don’t phone anymoar) ?

There is one ex that I kind of keep in touch with on Facebook. The reason why I am able to is because we didn’t have a horrible awful breakup. It was mainly distance that was an issue. So, there wasn’t anything for bad feelings between us. At the same time, he still really isn’t “part of my life” in a significant way.

I don’t keep in touch with any other exes, because it would be too weird. The breakups were bad. I don’t think you can be friends with someone if there was a brutal break up. Especially if you weren’t really friends when you dated (if that makes sense).

Have you remained friends ? good friends ? friends with benefits maybe ? just benefits, no friendship (does that exist) ? on and off lovebirds ? or are you worst enemies now perhaps ?

I have sort of tried the friends thing, or the on again off again, but that is just ways to hurt yourself. It’s best to have clear boundaries.

Remaining friends is only really possible if there are no romantic feelings left, and also no feelings of hurt or regret. I would say that it isn’t possible for 99% of exes to be real friends.

Do you have a healthy relationship to your ex/exes ? Do you feel resentment ? have feelings for them still ? like if you’re in good terms, do you get confused about your feelings or do you leave the past where it is ?

I have personally found that it is just better to move on. Even with the one ex I am friendly with, that mainly works because we really aren’t part of each other’s lives. I just don’t have any bad feelings about him. I also only friended him on Facebook many years after us dating. We were both very over each other, married, and so on.

If there were any confused feelings it wouldn’t work at all.

Do you spy on their whereabouts every once in a while/obsessively (personally, the less i know, the better, i just pretend we live in parallel universes and live my life) ? or are you the one running from them maybe ?

I have googled exes, and that’s about it. These days, I would rather not know. I’m happier allowing the past to be the past.

Do you get jealous ? Do you talk about your love life to each other ? Are you/would you be happy about them having someone else ? Do you maybe know their new partner and even get along with them, drink beer and go shopping ?

The ex that I talk to on Facebook is a great person. I’m happy for him. He’s married, and has kids, and has the job he always wanted. What makes that possible is that I am happy with my life, and with my husband.

I really don’t have anything to do with him face to face. I don’t really think that would be that weird, I think my husband would like him. I just don’t see the point.

I would never try to be friends with any of my other exes.

Do you keep their stuff, hang on to memories ? or burn everything while chanting “hail Satan” ? What do you think i should have for lunch ?

I’ve kept some stuff, but only if I have positive memories that make me smile. I got rid of all the stuffed animals and such that one guy gave me, because there was no way I could be happy looking at them. I felt that all of those gifts were lies, because he couldn’t have been sincere. I burned all the love notes from him too. That break up was so bad it made me question the validity of the whole relationship.

I kept pictures from a different relationship, because I was okay remembering those parts of my life. They didn’t make me feel badly. I felt that what we had was sincere, for most of the time we were together.

I did have one ex try to reach me through Facebook and I didn’t friend him, because I knew I couldn’t just be friends without bringing up all of my old conflicted feelings. There was no way I could do that to my husband, because he knows it wouldn’t be possible for me to just be friends with this person.

Basically, the moment you struggle with the idea of whether or not you could just be friends, you know you can’t be.

The only time it works is when you almost don’t care that you used to date, and it wouldn’t matter to you one way or another if you saw them again or not. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderMarch 20

Today I am grateful for:

A good day with the lad.

A good riding lesson.

My husband is home. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderIf it makes you feel better,

most Canadians can’t deal with heat. 3 weeks ago

gottawonderI always feel so badly

for new immigrants to Canada from places like India and Africa.

They are already wearing heavy clothes and it’s only September. They are wearing all the clothes they have.

Then, you try to tell them it won’t be enough. They have to go buy a serious parka, and serious boots, long underwear, and so on. They just get this blank look, like “Nothing could ever get as cold as that”.

Then, true winter hits and they really cannot believe this is happening to them. They can’t dress warmly enough. They’re cold to the bone. Then, they can’t believe that it’s going to last for FIVE MONTHS at that cold.

After a few years, they’ve finally made it when, after a really cold snap, it goes up to maybe -10C and there they are with the rest of us, saying “hey, it’s pretty nice out today!” 3 weeks ago

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