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Loves her tortoise!

Recent entries from gottawonder
Pages: 1 2 3 5 7 8 9 245 246

gottawonderJune 26

Today I am grateful for:

Getting to sleep in with my sweetie.

My husband and I helped put in a huge window, with the person I’ve been doing some work for.

Watching some Game of Thrones. Wow. 1 month ago

gottawonderI offer a fun song about men and women communicating... 1 month ago

gottawonderYou're telling me

that somewhere out there, someone has a few caged coyotes, and they are wearing little harnesses that have a urine cup with a hose, that drains into a bottle outside the cage, and someone goes around collecting the urine…my head just popped. 1 month ago

gottawonderJune 25

Today I am grateful for:

Getting the lawn mowed. With that out of the way, I shouldn’t have to do it while my husband is home. More time for other things.

A good riding lesson. The other person left a little early, and the instructor spent some time with me, just focusing on one issue that’s been plaguing me.

Good socializing with the instructor after the lesson. 1 month ago

gottawonderBy "fixing",

I didn’t mean something like a light bulb, because if I do need help with that, I just ask.

I’m not sure why you feel that my personal experience with my husband (and other men) is invalid.

I have had men feel overwhelmed if I start talking about complex feelings, or having mixed feelings about a decision, my husband DOES seem to respond by offering advice. He thinks I’m talking to him because I want a solution.

Sometimes I do want help, sometimes I know that I just want commiseration. Or a hug.

Sometimes, if I talk about the same thing over and over, his reaction is to tune out. He doesn’t want to hear any more about all of my complex emotions. Yep. Just tired of me bitchin.

Women can get tired of people bitching too.

I don’t know that men are always shut off about their emotions, but from what I’ve observed, men seem to be more about DOING something about an issue, and if they can’t do something about it, they just accept it (not necessarily happily). They don’t necessarily experience the same emotions as women in all situations.

Or, they feel those things, but don’t necessarily see a point in talking about them, because they’ve either done something about it, or they can’t do anything about it.

My husband often feels that his job sucks, but he needs the money, so he accepts that he CHOOSES to keep going to his job, so that’s his way of seeing things.

I know that when I talk about things, he sees it from the point of view of “so what can you do about it?” Often, the reality is, if I CHOOSE not to do anything about it, and then that is actually the end of it in my husband’s mind.

At this point, feel free to jump all over me and tell me how men don’t really see this way, and I really don’t know anything, and so on.

I’m just sharing what I’ve experienced, and that isn’t a universal truth by any means.

When I hear a person talking to me about their complex emotions, there’s times when I kind of feel like “she must be expecting me to do something, or offer advice, or why else would she be telling me all of this?”

It almost sounds to me like you didn’t really WANT people to offer their own experiences, but to mirror your feelings.

I do think that sometimes, we have to tell people, not just men, that we don’t expect them to fix our problems, but to just let us vent.

No, it isn’t always up to the woman to make men comfortable, but try to think about what it is you expect from the man when you begin talking to him. If all you want is to vent, why is it wrong to say that?

However, if we DO need them to act somehow, then that needs to be clear too.

As far as dusting, I’m not sure that men see it as unmanly, they just don’t give a shit about dust. Then, if you tell a man to dust, because you think he should, he just gets upset because someone is trying to dictate something to him, and he doesn’t give a shit about dust, so how did it become his problem?

As a cleaner, I’ve met some men who are very tidy, and some who could live amongst rotting bacon rinds until they died, and it wasn’t so much about manliness, it was about whether or not they gave a shit about cleaning.

I’ve met women who didn’t give a shit either.

Anyway, I’m not sure what you really wanted. Did you want help, or just a chance to vent? Or people just sharing their own experiences? 1 month ago

gottawonderI try

to be clear with my husband, because it is easy to end up saying things like your conversation about eating.

I can see his face light up when I can answer a question with a yes or no.

I do fall into situations though, where I have complicated and mixed feelings, and that isn’t easy to explain.

Sometimes I do let him know that he doesn’t have to help me solve the problem, just listen, and that helps.

Sometimes, when I know there is no real answer to my issues, or I already know I’m unwilling to put the effort into fixing something, I try not to make a bigger issue out of it.

Such as my weight. I am not hideous, but I would love to lose about 30 pounds. I seem to have a metabolism that would allow me to live on salad and still not lose weight. I am pretty active, have lots of muscle, and I don’t eat that much really. Not much garbage. I am eating much less over all than I did 15 years ago, when lunch might be a foot long sub, and supper might be pizza.

However, I am unwilling to do whatever heinously restrictive diet/medieval torture regime it would take to lose the weight. So, I try not to whine about it a lot, and instead focus on eating healthy food, staying active, and looking as good as I can.

When I do have an issue where I want to express mixed feelings, I often say that. “I have some really conflicting feelings about this.” Or “there really is no good, perfect solution here, but I suppose I have to do something”, or “it sucks when you just have to accept a situation like this and it never feels right”.

I just acknowledge the conflict, and try to accept an imperfect outcome.

The other good phrase: “it’s not your fault that this sucks” while expressing mixed feelings. I think it’s important to clarify that it isn’t your partner’s fault (or responsibility to fix it or deal with it) when you just want to vent. Otherwise, men often feel like they are supposed to do something, and it’s good to let them off the hook. 1 month ago

gottawonderI have no idea.

I like smart, and funny, and capable, someone kind, mentally sound, likes animals, open-minded.

As to physical, I don’t seem to have a pattern. I can be attracted to skinny rock star types, or big hunky cowboy types, or weird little geeky guys. Furry guys, smooth guys, dark, ginger, whatever.

Basically, I just have an immediate reaction to someone. It’s always been that way. I don’t always have a relationship with someone based on that, but I’ve never had a relationship with someone where I DIDN’T have an immediate attraction to them.

Generally how it goes, is something about them intrigues me, and then I find out if the inside intrigues me also.

I have found some men physically attractive only to have that fizzle after talking to them, and some men that I have found VERY attractive wouldn’t look like much to most people.

I suppose one thing that’s a good indicator, is kind of “clever monkey” eyes. Think of how a lot of very funny, smart men have warm, alert, twinkling eyes that don’t seem to miss anything. 1 month ago


It’s summer, and everything is green and lovely.

For this moment anyways, the animals and my loved ones are well.

My body feels healthy, and my mind is in a good state. 1 month ago

gottawonderI'm not really planning to emulate him in any way

but I recently discovered Tim Minchin, and I really admire his musical ability, his wit, and his expressiveness. 1 month ago

gottawonderJune 24

Today I am grateful for:

A few more work hours.

My healthy body.

All of the entertainment one finds on the internet. How wonderful to have so much at one’s fingertips. 1 month ago

gottawonderYou might be able to learn more about the drug

and it’s potential side effects by going online, or, finding a 1-800 number from the company online that will answer your questions.

I’m a little surprised that your doctor didn’t talk to you about side effects, or that the drug didn’t come with an insert discussing the drug.

You could also try talking to your pharmacist. 1 month ago

gottawonderJune 23

Today I am grateful for:

A fairly lazy day.

Time to be with the animals, and appreciate the heat, the trees, the grass, etc.

So happy to live in the country. 1 month ago

gottawonderThe tortoise

might nibble on something out of curiosity. He also might try to climb you, or start humping you (he’s a male, and he loves to hump duffle bags and….bean bag chairs). He also might pee next to you (not house breakable AT ALL).

Thus…one does not sleep on the floor in our house. 1 month ago


is the bomb-diggity. 1 month ago

gottawonderI guess I should be watching "The Walking Dead"

for all of my zombie queries.

Very good use of graphics to illustrate coyote ineptitude. 1 month ago

gottawonderWonderful response!

I hadn’t thought of doing something like reinventing a sport.

I think it would be fun to have more Shetland pony races, with monkeys riding them.

I would influence clothing lines so that all clothes were for fat women, and there would be nothing for skinny women to wear. Screw you, skinny women!

I would get them to remake serious dramatic movies with people with speech impediments.

I would support the church of they Flying Spaghetti Monster, and help them build churches in every city. That might take a while.

I would support ugly art

because we can’t all be Monet.

I would buy all of the North American car companies and use all of those patents they are sitting on to actually develop efficient gas engines, solar engines, electric (Yes, there are some, but I’m sure other, better patents exist).

I would actually buy Area 51 and do everything in my power to make it look like an actual alien storage/research facility, and then let all the crazies in.

There’s so much a person could do with unlimited funds! 1 month ago

gottawonderJune 22

Today I am grateful for:

Having a lovely day of not being dirty and sweating and weeping with effort over some manual labor task.

Finding some lovely things.

I set up the huge water tank (originally a large stock tank the size of a small pool) for the water turtles, and they seem so very happy in it. I always feel guilty that their indoor tank (a small stock tank) is not really enough for a creature meant to have a whole lake to swim in. This is obviously not a lake, but they can actually swim freely in it. 1 month ago

gottawonderIf you had literally endless money like Oprah,

how much of an asshole would you become? 1 month ago

gottawonderUnresolved questions about zombies.

I’ve never really been satisfied with the whole zombie thing. A lot of things are unexplained. Maybe you know more than I do…

Why do zombies only eat human brains?

Does it make sense that they only eat brains, but keep making more zombie? In the movies, there are literally millions of zombies, and only five people left. Why don’t the zombies die of starvation?

Zombies decompose, right? Then why don’t they fall apart after a few days? Why do they continue to be a threat after a week? Why doesn’t everyone who survives the initial infection just hole up in a bomb shelter for a week, until all the zombies are too rotten to chase them?

If they are undead, why do they need to eat at all?

Do zombies still have a metabolism? Are they warm? Do they poop?

Would they freeze solid, just like a dead chicken, in the winter time?

Would they rot faster in Florida?

Why don’t coyotes eat them?

Do zombies eventually die? Of what?

How do you kill a zombie?

I’ve seen some movies where if the arm falls off, it still moves around. If zombies decay, but the individual bits are still animated, would they eventually become piles of slush that are still sort of alive?

If their jaw falls off, how can they eat brains?

What do they do in their spare time, like when they’ve just feasted on brains, and they have a few hours before they need more? 1 month ago

gottawonderIt doesn't show

anywhere to start the test. 1 month ago

gottawonderI think this is why

I wouldn’t want to end up with too expensive looking a lifestyle.

I would want to drive a nice car, but nothing out of the ordinary. Nice clothes, but likely still just nice Levis and such most of the time.

I wouldn’t want to end up putting myself in the position to only associate with other uber-rich people.

Is it even possible to remain friends with the same people and family, unless you give them tons of money, and then is that not going to make the power thing dominant in the relationship?

I figure it would suck in that respect, because every time you visited family, and someone was having money troubles, you’d be expected to make it go away. You could even give each of them five million dollars (endless wealth, remember) and some of them would STILL end up broke in a year or two.

How could you have money, and still be friends with average folks? 1 month ago

gottawonderYou're right on the money...

I would likely hire some people to clean. I’ve cleaned for myself, and every other person in the world damn near, and it would be nice to have someone to clean for me.

I would pay them a ridiculous amount of money, and hug them every day, and do my very best never to do gross things like vomit in my wastebasket or mix food and dishes with my clothes on the floor.

I would also still clean up after my animal messes. 1 month ago

gottawonderJune 21

Today I am grateful for:

Cleaning for my neighbour.

A good pasture ride on one of my mares.

A gorgeous, actually hot day. 1 month ago

gottawonderIf I had more or less endless money,

I would spend it like a mofo. Not necessarily on douchebag things like a 50,000 dollar purse or a ginormous yacht, but I would spend it.

Likely to buy a big huge piece of property, fill it with animals, and have an indoor arena.

Yes, there would be animal rescue going on, and helping people (I’ve always wanted to do all kinds of animal therapy with people) and conservation of wildlife and habitat.

I would travel, not necessarily in super fancy places, but nice places. I would love to do camping adventures all over, and horse riding trips.

I would likely buy a boat, but likely something like a wonderful sail boat, maybe one my husband got to help build. 1 month ago

gottawonderFunny, you don't have to live in a third world country

to have elements of the third world.

There are lots of slums and welfare motels and such here in Canada, and lots of just plain poor folks who live in terrible housing.

I wouldn’t likely want to sleep there. 1 month ago

gottawonderI feel so good

on the yoga mat sometimes, that I have an awful time getting up and going to bed. I am afraid to sleep on the floor, though, because of our gigantic 50 pound tortoise.

I don’t feel any pain from sleeping on the mat either, though I don’t think I could sleep on the bare floor with a sleeping bag. On carpet, yes.

I think I could sleep just fine in a tent with a sleeping bag, if I could just spread out enough. 1 month ago

gottawonderDennis Leary.

I was reading a bit out of a book of his, and was pretty taken back by a couple of paragraphs about women.

I always thought he was pretty ironic, that most of his asshole act was just to bring to light how awful people can be, and that HE wasn’t like that.

Now I’m not so sure.

He made some statements about basically women should stay home if they have kids, or go hard and pursue their career all the way (the way a man would). So, women would be in that terrible position of have kids, or a career, but not both. He made it sound like the world shouldn’t be expected to change, so that work could be more flexible to allow women to have families and still do something else with their lives.

He said he was open to women working and getting equal pay….but made it clear that he thought women couldn’t do the work a man could….because we handle stress differently..and cry.

He made it clear that if a woman couldn’t handle the cut-throat world, and the way that men harass each other (what a jerk, men don’t sexually harass each other and make fun of their period, or call them sugar tits, or hate them if they’re ugly or call them sluts if they’re beautiful) they should just go home.

Basically, he just felt they should take their crying, sensitive, menstruating asses home, or do jobs that they are suited to doing, like being nurses or teachers. You know, jobs that are good “woman” jobs.


I wonder if it has ever crossed his mind, ever, that he is describing that narrow asshole world of straight, able-bodied, Christian, privileged white men. That world that lets almost no one else in, unless they act like a straight, able-bodied, Christian privileged white man.

I wonder if it has ever crossed his mind that that hard-core, dog-eat dog world doesn’t have to be that way. It doesn’t have to be competitive, it could be collaborative. Inclusive. It could use teams, not just individuals.

Or, that women can be strong, intelligent, and competitive.

I just think that the world needs to find a place for everyone, and society (or maybe just Dennis Leary) needs to change it’s view of what success is, so that it isn’t about destroying or dominating everyone else.

Maybe it IS wrong to call your co-workers “sugar tits”, and then hate them for crying or hate them for demanding respect.

I also feel kind of sorry for Leary, because obviously his own identity is somehow wrapped up in his limited view of what being a man, and being a woman is. If he feels so insecure about women just going out and doing whatever they want with their lives, he must have almost no sense of who he is without a rigid role. Maybe he is really shaky on being a man in the first place, and is scared shitless of not having a really clear definition laid out for him.

It’s all sad, really. Sad that anyone feels like they have the right to tell people to just put up with “everyone in the work world” being insensitive and cut-throat. Sad that someone is put out that they can’t “joke around” freely with people (or, to call them racist, sexist things and treat them as second-class citizens that should never have real jobs).

If there’s any justice, he’ll come back as a woman. Maybe a black or Asian woman, with a disability, maybe a lesbian. 1 month ago

gottawonderThis bothers me all the time.

I know most people feel like this, at one time or another.

I don’t think anyone sees a loved one with poor health and thinks “he totally deserves this”.

I also feel deep sorrow when I see animals on the road. To me it is a great injustice that animals don’t seem to figure out the road/car thing, and that sometimes people don’t even try NOT to hit them. Or, in the case of domestic animals like cats, that their owners didn’t keep them indoors.

Although one could say that death is the fairest thing in the world, because every living thing will also die, I don’t think anyone feels that way.

Maybe this is just one of those universal things. We all have to die, yet we all want to live forever. We will all see loved ones suffer, yet we want to spare them.

I’m just sorry this kind of thing has to happen to anyone. 1 month ago

gottawonderWhile I agree with you,

I don’t know that it is quite fair to use Jessica’s issues as a reason for her to foresee something happening between those kids.

Maybe she sees this girl as a daughter, and cannot see past that. She maybe can’t imagine “siblings” having sex. Perhaps she always wanted a daughter, or she sees nothing but innocence, and doesn’t want to lump her own experiences in with the kids.

Maybe she’s kind of hoping they’ll fall in love, because she likes the girl, and wouldn’t mind them being together, and kind of romanticises their youthful happiness.

Either way, I do agree with you that she shouldn’t be sleeping over, or at the very least she shouldn’t be in the same room with him.

If they are wrestling, my personal remembrance of wrestling with boys at that age was that it was basically a way of being physical with them. A precursor to being sexual.

I agree that if they had sex and she got pregnant, it would be less than optimal.

However, from what I understand of some damaged people (like my sisters), part of them WANTS things like this to happen, because then it keeps everyone from leaving. The kids would likely end up living with her longer. She would get to be a grandma. She could get all of the things she wants, and still look like a saint for letting them live with her.

If you are in a position, you might have better luck talking to the girl’s parents, though they seem to approve too.

Can you talk to the girl about what might happen?

Long story short, you can disapprove, you can be unhappy, but if everyone else is determined to let this happen, then it will happen whether you’re unhappy or not.

Not your circus, not your monkeys (I’ve been wanting to use that one). 1 month ago

gottawonderJune 20

Today I am grateful for:

A nice shift at the library. It gave me the chance to see a few acquaintances.

A good phone conversation with my husband. We were funny and silly tonight.

An afternoon of doing NOTHING. 1 month ago

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