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nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.

Please don't take lack of response or reciprocation personally!



Recent entries from nicolasc will be out of th...
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nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.It's almost more

culturally based than geographically based. Though even in the north and south you could divide it into valley, foothill/mountain, desert, coast as far as culture. But generally speaking, the cultures in northern and southern California are very different. The north tends to be more politically liberal and the south tends to be more politically conservative, they each have their own forms of coolness and their own forms of elitism, etc. People in the north tend to think of people in the south as superficial, materialistic, shallow, botox-and-silicone-infused, and not particularly bright, and people in the south tend to think of people in the north as elitist hypocrite liberals with a superiority complex that do snobby things like drink kombucha, own every Apple product known to man, and pretentiously spout Rousseau and Chomsky. There is a bit of truth to both and not complete truth to either.

That’s my take, anyway. 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.I had this conversation

with my family recently. They felt that, culturally, San Luis Obispo was about the cutoff. That’s where the culture starts to become more SoCal (if you’re driving south). 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.Week 1, Day 2 - Kitchen

I actually did one more upper cabinet last night, then did the remaining 2 upper cabinets tonight. I procrastinated a LOT because I am pretty tired…but I spent longer procrastinating than the job actually took. I found a lot of things to either donate or put in storage. (Plastic Halloween goblets, anyone?)

Tomorrow I hope to do one set of drawers, possibly two. I also have to do my “regular” household chores, as I am behind on those.

I’m not sure whether or not I’ll take down and dust all of the vases and other glassware on the top of the cabinets, since I just did that a few months ago. Maybe that will be a separate project.6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.Until you go running...

...then not so “bully,” LOL! 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.I didn't watch the video,

so I apologize if this is off-topic, but I don’t like porn in general due to the HIGH percentage of people who are exploited/abused/trafficked/manipulated/controlled in order to create it. How can anyone derive pleasure from viewing images that were most likely made at the expense of someone suffering from addiction, emotional issues, mental illness, fallout from sexual abuse, etc.? I just don’t find it arousing AT ALL, because I can’t get that thought out of my head that I am witnessing someone’s abuse.

Yes, I know there are people who do it gladly and willingly, but that is a relatively small percentage. The vast majority are not participating with true willingness, or some say they are but are actually either in self-destruction mode or are being manipulated in some way.

And yes, I do think exploiters are filthy. I’m not talking about the “actors,” but the people who are using them for their own profit. I don’t think religious conversion is the answer (though it has helped some people cope), but eliminating the market for it. Whether that will ever happen is another matter. 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.Feel better!

The bugs going around are nasty! 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.I don't follow the logic

of the first part of her essay. I 100% agree with what she says about “boys will be boys.” Men are too often excused from their culpability in rapes or harrassment with “well she was wearing…/acting like…” Papa Nic, ZH, TripleB, Mr. Peabody, my martial arts brothers…NONE of them would think “hey, I think I’ll rape her!” if they saw a half-dressed or drunk or whatever girl. I mean, if she were being provocative they might misread signals, but like the author said – any man can see when it’s not consensual or when someone is too incapacitated to consent and they can stop themselves.

Having said that, I prefer to dress more modestly, generally speaking, just because I prefer eye contact and I don’t like the feeling if being leered at… 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.Ps...

Interesting how the graphs show that the incidence of narcissism has increased over the years (at least in undergrad respondents)...that is consistent with other studies and articles I’ve read about how college aged kids think more and more that they are inherently worthy of status and accolades, and can’t fathom that they would have to work to earn those things…! 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.I think

like others said, the questions are worded so that it could almost depend on your mood. It’s certainly not going to diagnose a person. There were a couple on there that I could have gone the other way on, or thought it would depend on the situation (especially leadership questions – I’ve been a good leader in some cases, reluctant or not the best choice in others, but I’m not driven to be one, nor necessarily think I make a better one than others), so it depends how you interpret the questions. Plus, a real narcissist is manipulative by nature, and might not answer the questions honestly anyway…

I’ve had plenty of first-hand experiences with narcissists, and from what I know of you, you don’t strike me as one! 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.You

are killin’ me… 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.Sounds

like a good one! 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.Yes,

how can that be possible? You are so modest about your fluffiness! 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.Week 1, Day 1 - Kitchen

I know it’s really the 3rd day of Week 1, but it’s my first day working on the project…

So far on the list, I cleaned out the fridge, wiped down the inside, and reorganized everything. I cleaned out two upper cabinets, discarded old food and medicine, wiped the inside of the cupboards and the cupboard doors, and reorganized the contents.

It all looks so good so far! The rest of the kitchen is a mess, since as I go along I have been finding things I want to put in cupboards I haven’t cleaned yet, etc.

I may do one more cabinet tonight, but otherwise…more tomorrow! 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.3 out of 40

Here are my results.6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.VERY glad

you are feeling better and that you took action to get support. Cheer cheer cheer – I hope you continue to make progress in feeling well! 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.As the mother of a son,

I do have sympathy for your position. Seeing things through my son’s eyes, I can see that females can be genuinely confusing for men. It’s expected that men be the ones to make the first overture, but then women get all pissy about someone giving them attention. They may even interpret non-romantically-based conversation initiated by a man as a “hit.” And it’s all for the reasons qglas mentioned – from our perspective, we have been “ambushed” so many time in what we think is just friendly conversation. Or even just blatantly leered at, catcalled, etc. Many men do seem to think it’s their birthright to invade our space, make us uncomfortable, tell us to “smile,” or whatever the heck they feel like. It’s tiring. So it’s hard for us to separate the wheat from the chaff, if that makes sense. Often, too, the male gets all pissy if we make it clear that we have no romantic interest, as if they were doing us a favor and we just looked a gift horse in the mouth or something.

I think the whole male-female dance thing is just confusing sometimes. (Or, I should say, pursuer/pursued…I’m sure this applies to same sex wooing, too…!)

This is what qglas is referring to. It’s a “nice guy” phenomenon that hits pretty close to home for a lot of women. At the same time, I stand by my earlier comments that there are a lot of nice guys out there that honestly do not get a second look from a woman. That was in response to Anne’s question related to “where are the nice single guys.” Yes, there are genuinely nice single guys out there. And what you said also has truth to it. I think the same thing applies to women – there are a lot of quality women out there that would be great relationship partners, but they don’t get much attention, either.

PHEW! ;-) 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.LOL!

I think he deserved that. ;-)

Oh, that is horrible about your back. I remember doing that once after a move (lifting lots of heavy boxes improperly), and boy, you sure do find out how much you use your back without realizing it!

I hope it heals soon! 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.I'm eating a ton,

and keeping it clean. Was up late the past two nights, but also slept late in the morning. I’m taking a few days off work – hoping for a week, but might not be able to manage a whole week. I am so behind on everything because I’ve been sick for so long now and trying not to overexert myself. Plus I don’t have energy and get winded easily.

TripleB came over (first time in about 2 weeks – he was sick, too, though he’s already over his bug), saw all of my masses of dirty laundry separated into piles, and said, “Gee, guess you have a little laundry to do!” I said, “Do you see a maid in this house? If I’m sick, it doesn’t get done.” Smartass.

Thanks for checking in, tikini! 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.I

agree. 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.Cute

photo! 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.I think you're both right,

it’s just that you’ve had very different experiences. I think in general, Bryn, what you’re saying is very true for many people. Sometimes people do need meds, even just temporarily, to pull them out of the bottom so they can even begin to deal with their problems. Or even just very regular, intensive counseling.

Fluffy kitty and her non-emu partner have recently had some not-so-great experiences, so I think that is why you see things differently. But, Fluff, I do thing xmyheart should get some kind of outside support if things are at the point where suicide is being contemplated.6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.::shrug::

I seem to find them. I know a lot of guys who don’t suck that are single, the thing is that most women wouldn’t give them a second look because they just don’t happen to fit with what the women want, or at least don’t appear to fit what the women want on the surface. Some of them just don’t generate much interest from females, even though they are great guys, great humans, and would be very sweet to their partner in a relationship. :-) 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.What clover said.

Really, please seek help. It is devastating for the people left behind. I lost two friends to suicide just in the last year. And my understanding is that most survivors of failed suicide attempts said that their last thought when as they falling, pulling the trigger, or whatever, was that this was a horrible mistake they had made. Get help so that you realize before you go through with it that this is a mistake.

As for me, yes, I have been depressed once or twice enough to seriously think about it. Once when I was about 20 I called suicide hotline and they helped. Later when I was older, I called true friends and saw a counselor.6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.As an aside...

...I know a few people who started on the road to obesity after childhood molestation. Whatever the psychology behind it – punishing yourself, self-soothing, making yourself heavy to try and avoid sexual attention – my understanding is that is a fairly common byproduct. It makes me sad to think that people who fall in that category are victimized twice – first by their abusers, then by people who offer them condemnation, blame, and ridicule instead of compassion and healthy contact.6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.Yep.

Some. ;-D 6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.LOL!

no kidding!

Some still suck at this age! X-D6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.Amici

1. how many times in your childhood were you the “new” kid? Well, before school age, a lot, because my dad was in the military. After school age, only twice.
2. how many times in adulthood were you the “new” one? Several times. Mostly switching jobs, but also the “new” one at martial arts schools, churches, and other groups.
3. do you have a close-knit group of friends and how long have you been friends / known them? do you welcome new comers? eject new comers? I am not a pack animal, as a friend of mine tells me. I am a lone wolf. Meaning, I have many close friends, but our relationships are built one-to-one, rather than as a “pack.” Most of my close friends have little to no connection with each other. A few do, especially friendships from childhood. I welcome newcomers to my circle of acquaintances readily. I do not welcome people into my “inner circle” readily.

4. how do you know when you finally trust people / really believe that you are friends? It takes a while, because I have had “friends” that seem so friendly, but once they gain my trust, they use it to their advantage. So I have to see over the long term that you are a solid, real, are-who-you-present-yourself-to-be kind of person.

5. have you ever been rejected from a clique you did not want to be in? Yes, and it is hilarious because they honestly thought I cared, and went through all these hoops to exclude me from stuff. These were adults, mind you. I knew what was going on, so it was just very funny that they had this idea that I gave a crap. I was kind of embarrassed for them. Really. I don’t want to be friends with you people. Hard to believe, I know….

6. how many friends do you have ? I can’t count them. And there are different degrees of friendship, so…6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.Animales

What are your feelings on keeping multiples of pets? Do you have, or have you had, many pets at once? It’s fine. I’ve had two dogs at the same time in the past, I’ve mostly had 2-3 cats. Right now I have one outdoor cat, plus a cat that I “share” with a neighbor.

What do you feel is your limit? My personal limit? Right now it’s 1-2 cats, no dogs, because I don’t have the time or money to care for more. I really want a dog, but a) dogs need someone around, they really need companionship, and I work too much, and b) my cats are very skittish, one of them doesn’t even let me touch him, so I would never traumatize them by introducing a dog into the territory. Generally speaking, I think the rule for multiple pets is the same as the rule for multiple wives – you don’t take on more than you can equally and adequately provide for materially and emotionally. ;-)6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.Yes.

Almost exclusively by other girls. In junior high it was “sometimes,” at my first high school it was “never,” and at my second high school it was “constant.” Always by the girls that the rest of the community (including teachers) would say were “nice, decent, from a ‘good’ family” and at my second high school they would have been additionally categorized as “good Christian girls who go to our church.”So of course I was seen by those same community members as “suspicious, from one of ‘those’ families, an outsider” and “doesn’t attend our church, therefore must attend an inferior church or even more likely, be gasp an atheist.” (Which I’m not, though it’s still irrelevant to my quality of character either way.) In their minds I would have brought it all on myself just for who I was.

Boys only rarely bullied me, but I was usually able to deal with them better. Once I verbally slammed a boy who said something to me about my very developed chest, after he had already been teasing me the day before for the same thing, and the adult who overheard it yelled at me…6 months ago


nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot.I think what it boils down to is

1. what other people look like (or what they choose to wear) is no one else’s business;
2. there is more to a person than what they look like;
3. you can’t make assumptions about what is going on with someone either physically, emotionally, or spiritually based on appearances;
4. external validation of a person’s beauty shold be not be given importance – what counts is what you feel about yourself, and hopefully by extension if you feel good about yourself you will take care of your health.

And on to the questions…

What feelings do you have about how fat the general population in North America is becoming? I think our overall health is in decline, and the obesity is just an extension of that. Like you said, people are more sedentary nowadays, plus people have such rushed lives that neither get enough sleep and they eat a lot of convenience foods, both of which throw your hormones and metabolism out of whack. I think a lot of Americans also have depression, stress, and anxiety, which exacerbates the problem.

Should we promote that “beauty comes in all sizes” and we should “embrace our curves”? Yes, while at the same time promoting good health and also not throwing thin people under the bus in an effort to make curvy/heavy people feel better about themselves. “All sizes” means tall, short, thin, fat, straight, curvy, having all limbs, missing limbs, etc.

Should people who are morbidly obese be considered handicapped, and be allowed to modify their work spaces or work from home, or collect disability or be able to sue businesses like buses or airlines for not having seats big enough for them? I think it is more complicated than that. People are obese for different reasons. Some might be more valid reasons for being considered disabled than others. There is also the possibility of temporary disability for people who might be in treatment for health or emotional issues.

Is it really helping kids to tell them that their weight is fine, and adjust ideas of body image to include obesity as an okay thing? I think the main thing we need to teach kids is physical, mental, and emotional health skills. I don’t think we should promote that obese is something to be yippy-skippy about, but kids shouldn’t equate obesity with being worthless as a person or worthy of ridicule. That is the message sent by society currently.

Is self-esteem building useful vs. looking at weight realistically? I don’t necessarily think the two are mutually exclusive.6 months ago


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