olivep

I am not keen on taking my current bike. I’m seriously considering buying a new but very cheap road bike when i get to france. I’ve been told i can buy something for about 150 euros (though i can’t see anything like that on the internet) from a shop called decathlon. This bike will enable me to go faster and more easily than my mountain bike. And being new i shouldn’t have any mechanical worries, though i don’t know how much weight the back wheel can stand. That’s my only concern. I will look into it here at a local bike shop.

my friend who’s been to paris a few times told me to book my eiffel tower tickets in advance. I supposed i should do this for other sites too to avoid the big long queues. 2 weeks ago

I meditated 1 hour and 30 minutes. All of it hard. Just as well there were others with because i wouldn’t have done it for that long otherwise. My concentration wasn’t great but that’s ok. I think just making myself sit through what i don’t want to is worthwhile. But it would be much more worthwhile if i could do it without having others present. 3 weeks ago

That didn’t go so great. but it was worth doing anyway.

I got bored and just wanted to give in at 14 minutes. So i said to myself i will try to say here five minutes longer. I guess i didn’t try hard enough becuase i got up at 16 minutes.

At a certain point, when i got bored in particular i felt like turning my mind to the breath and being more assiduous about observing but there’s nothing much interesting to observe.

My mind went to the goings on with the meditation organisation i’m working on. The meeting we’ve got planned and i also remembered what i was supposed to do today but forgot about.

I thought about some people.

And i remembered that Q had said on the retreat that nothing that comes to our mind is random or without significance, i think he said that. I guess i struggle to find the significance of some thoughts. I should ask him more about this. 3 weeks ago

So i haven’t been doing any daily meditation for a while now. Today i’m just going to try a new experiment.

I’m going to just try sitting doing nothing for one hour. I am not even going to worry too much about focussing my concentration. I am just going to sit still in and be. Whether or not i let thoughts go or engage with them, i am not bothered but i am interested to practice observation though in a somewhat relaxed manner.

All this is about restarting and getting a meditation practice going. I”m having trouble with anything that requires discipline at hte moment.

i know that sitting still for one hour will be hard. 3 weeks ago

Ok so i fell of the wagon and now i’m having another go. I motivated myself by thinking about my imminent trip.

So today i’ve done about an hours work in the garden and then i went for a walk 1 hour 20 minutes. And got some blisters which does not bode well for tomorrow.

Foodwise has been good so far today but as i got up late today its a longtime before the day is over.

My plan is to try to be active all day, in the garden, staying off the internet until evening. And if possible go for an hour long walk each morning and each evening or at least once a day.

Food wise i’m sticking to my usual healthy diet ideas. I’ve just had dinner. I had 1 cup pasta with 1/2 cup spag bol. A slice of goats fetta. I haven’t got any vegies in the fridge so none tonight. I’ll have some fruit later. 4 weeks ago

Yesterday i spoke to someone who’s done it around here. He said i can get a season ticket for $100 and then do as many jumps as i like for only $10 each. I think that sounds like a good deal. He seemed to like this more than skydiving too.

I’m leaning towards this option now. We have a bungee jump near here. 1 month ago

As above. 1 month ago

Just completed our first weekend retreat. I invited my old teacher to lead it and got a good number of people along, though two didn’t show up. Still it was a success as everyone enjoyed it and i was happy with my efforts to keep everyone well fed and comfortable and happy. And even financially we came out on top. 1 month ago

Make real ones. Online friends are not real friends until you meet them. And often then people stop being friends. 1 month ago

On wednesday night we had 9 people along.
On the previous wednesday we had 8 people.
Most of them are coming regularly now.

This weekend we are holding a retreat for 11 people plus me and the teacher. I”m doing all the cooking and organising. 1 month ago

I wasn’t nice to day when i wanted to go see a movie. I got pissed off that all the movies at the cinema were for children or not very intelligent adults. I made it plain to the girl behind the counter that i was pissed off. She took it well. So then i had to complain about the new website. She disagreed with me, though it was better but said that other people had also complained.

But then i was nice to the waitresses at the restaurant i went to and i enjoyed speaking in french to the waitress who’s english wasn’t so great. 1 month ago

I have all these things and more to do before i go. I am going to try to do one or more of these things per day. I need to keep all the jobs easy at the moment because i am being very lazy and don’t want it all to be a big panic and messy at the end.

1. Find old passport DONE a) apply for renewal when form arrives

2. Open up new bankaccount DONE,
2a get my income going into that account.

4. read this lovely travel guide by ina someone about france and take notes on sites worth seeing in the places i’m going. Try to read 1-2 chapters per day.

5. book camping ground in paris.

6 contact bk agani before leaving to see if we are going to meet up.

7. fix my tent, buy tent sealer.

8. find bike shop in paris where i can go to buy tyre repair kit and other stuff i need.

9. get bike box and pack up bike.

10. make sure there is nothing outstanding on my credit card.

11. fix up duck house so they are safe
12 buy supplies of duck food

13 buy more supplies of cat food

14. rainproof van

15. mow the lawn and clean up my pad and van

16. get things sorted iwth Lenore and the group so they can keep going while i’m away

17. pay all the rental or put someone in charge of the money.
17a open new bank account for organisation and transfer the money thats left in the old one.

18. organise annual meeting for our org.

20. clean out my area in dad’s place.

Things done in preparation that i feel good about.

1 opened bank account which will enable me to get cash out whilst in france.
2. bought some tights that should be suitable for me to ride in whilst in france.
3. Noted my bank account is quite healthy at the moment and feel ok about how this is going to work out, though i still have a few big expenses to cover.
4. booked car into mechanic next wednesday
5. phoned council to tell them i will pay remainder of rates early next month.
19. get car checked over so that its ok for jane. repairs if necessary. BOOKED CAR INTO MECHANIC FOR NEXT WEDNESDAY. DONE

3. get bike out of shed and check the chain for rust DONE1 month ago

Its great to read about someone overcoming their fear of swimming. Swimming is such a lovely exercise and its also life saving.

Its a tragedy that so many people don’t learn when they are young and fearless.

Yesterday i forgot it was zumba day and so i didn’t go. I had been not feeling like a walk on the beach without the dog to motivate me and the rain.

In the end i did some zumba to youtube. Probably about 20 minutes. 1 month ago

I met with the president of the seniors on Monday. It went quite well. I’m struggling with my interest at the moment and issues about having different views on spiritual matters. 1 month ago

I’ve been exercising ever day still except yesterday when i was both feeling crap and didn’t have afternoon time. I had to go out.

but today i’m going walking with the dog.

I’ve definiltey noticed an improvement in my fitness. On Tuesday this week i was able to do 3 times the hill walk and felt better at the end of it than last week when i did it twice. I also noticed an improvement in fitness at zumba last friday. So this is great news for me. I”m reluctant to start running yet becuase my weight is still high and i don’t want to damage my knees. So the hill walks are a good alternative.

My weight today is down to 79.8 so that’ amount to a loss almost 4kg in two weeks. I’m very happy wiht my weight loss program so far. 1 month ago

Though as i was really tired from so few hours of sleep last night, my whole walk wasn’t very far. I chose the shorter beach. I suppose i only ran for about 5 minutes which is fairly pathetic.

I hope to start running this week. Although, i am not keen on doing a lot of running whilst still carrying so much extra weight. Its not good for the joints. 2 months ago

Thank God i’ve got to take our dog for a walk otherwise today i would probably skip it. I am so tired. I stayed up all night playing stupid games online and got about 3 hours sleep. I’m a wreck.

I’ve found something else to be addicted to.

But i will go for a walk on the beach and enjoy it. in about 50 minutes time. 2 months ago

No one deserves to be depressed.

The problem is you have no evidence that its the acupuncture that has made the difference. It could be your expectation of it helping that made the difference.

A little bit of annoyance is not depression either. Depression is a mood that lingers for weeks and colours your whole world outlook.

If you find your bleak outlook that has been hanging about for ages lifting, then you may have more reason to feel optimistic but it still isn’t proof or evidence of anything really.

It could be that your decision to get acupuncture was the start of your mood lifting. I say that because whenever i go to see my gp when i’ve been in stuck in depression, my mood starts to lift. When that happens, i figure something might have shifted when i made the appointment.

But anyway you’ve tried so congrats for having a go.

Walk on the beach with the dog. I’m really enjoying doing this though i should be doing more. I’ve started doing some meditation down there and next time i should remember my timer so that i make sure i do enough.

I’ve joined a website so i can food log. I do’nt really need to do that but i sort of like to. Today food has been:

bfast – 1 cup cornflakes with milk no sugar; coffee w full cream milk
lunch – 100g pasta with 2 spoons tomato sauce and a bit of parmesan cheese.
2 pairs
several cups of coffee throughout the day with milk
1 glass white win
dinner will be packet indian dinner of jaipur veges and rice. A carrot.
Maybe later an orange if i feel like it.

I’m not in a cooking mode so i have to find reasonable foods that are easy to prepare. 2 months ago

I’m interested in the question of free will. Buddhism teaches we don’t have a self or soul. I’m good with that. I don’t know quite how that ties in with free will but i’ve come round to the view that we don’t have free will. (Bruce Hood and Sam Harris – flesh the arguments that i tend to go along with).

Anyway lately i read a buddhist and philosopher on the subject and he argued that we have free will if we are not being coerced by others to do things. but when i read his piece i realised that this was freedom, not free will.

I realised this because while there is no one else forcing me to do this or that, i feel forced to do this or that regardless of what i would prefer to do. I feel the compulsion coming from within. Its about our inner desires and some of htem at least i think are dictated by our hormones or other chemicals. While condition and genetics also play a role.

So i’ve realised that the way to over come the desires that seem to control us is to try to trigger the switch to the side we want it on eg off or on. Its not easy and we may have to give in many times before internal conditions change and we are in control again.

I’ve just been through this with food. I’ve just had the hunger switch flicked to off and am now dieting easily and exercising daily. I couldn’t do it before a certain incident.

So they key idea here is to hold uppermost in your mind all the time what you really want. And then you will be ready when conditions change. Also you may be able to take small steps in the right direction that will lead to better conditions.

This may not convince anyone out there but its mainly a note for myself. If i had to i could probably make a better case of it. 2 months ago

I worked this out some time ago but i’ve not really been able to get on top of it. Recently i felt the consequences. 2 months ago

I got over someone after 20 years of holding onto that special feeling about them. What caused this feeling to end was when they made contact with after all these years but only to catch up. He was still with the woman he’d left me for and wasn’t interested in anything romantic. I got so terribly upset by the whole thing. Finally i was able to get angry with him and let him go. Now i don’t know if i would want to see him again even if i had the chance. I don’t think i’d feel good about it.

If you can get angry with him for hurting you and treating you badly, then you would be able to let him go. That works for me.

But also i’ve got into buddhism in the last couple of years and they teach a lot about letting go attachments. They call it clinging. And when you understand how much pain it can cause you and that its pointless to cling like this, then its easier to let go. You can choose to let go. Its only by holding that wanting feeling that you continue to cling.

Don’t put your album together until you have been able to let this guy go. Then you will be able to look at the pictures and not feel that pain in your heart. 2 months ago

Today i got an invitation to host a meditation at our carnival. There is an opportunity for publicity and fund raising. that’s good.

I’m starting to feel better about everything. 2 months ago

I’m heading off in a few minutes. I also took the dog for a short walk on the beach.

My weight was even down to 80.6kg this morning. My regime is working. And i’m not doing that much exercise to be honest. Not given how lazy my day is. 2 months ago

I had a phone call today from a woman who wanted to join in our retreat. Now i officially have enough people to make it worthwhile. That is five people both days and one person for one day. Plus me and the retreat leader.

The last one came from a poster i got someone else to put up out of town so i’m happy about that. 2 months ago

Done it again. Pat’s self on back

My legs were stiff today. I wonder if that’s from the walk on tuesday. It can’t be due to yesterday.

I’ve posting my efforts on facebook and people are keeping tabs on me which is good. 2 months ago

Yes this morning i weighed 81.8 so that’s almost 2kg in one week. I’m pretty happy with that.

My diet is like this (and i think i can stick with this sort of amount for quite some time).

breakfast
coffee w full cream milk
1 cup cornflakes with almost one cup of low fat milk

Lunch could
a baked bean sandwich on wholegrain bread. no butter
Or if i’m in the city, some sushi

I’ll drink coffee and milk throughout the day.

might have a glass of wine late afternoon or with dinner

dinner
fresh ravioli type pasta. serve size based on recommended on the packet.
serve with a few spoons of pasta sauce out of the jar
a grating (not too much) of parmesan cheese
I’ve been eating this meal a lot.

I also made a low calorie fish soup which i’ve been having lately too.

And i’ve got some fresh vegies which i eat as a side dish without dressing or cooking eg carrots, spinach greens, cucumber.

So this regime is not terribly high in veggies but its all i can do to be satisfied with my food at the moment. I’m not in a cooking phase so i am just eating whats easy but relatively healthy at the moment. 2 months ago

Well another wet season has arrived (quite late this year) and i still haven’t finished my kitchen. I dont’ feel in any hurry at hte moment. No one is complaining. Though of course when my sister gets here i might regret it. I might get more motivated then too. I hope so. 2 months ago