oncekel

Stumbling thru life from a childhood lacking direction or common sense discussion from any nearby adult, into flailing thru young adulthood, able to just barely grasp a clue abt how to get an education to take me in a general direction I might enjoy & life with. Plowing thru day to day requirements of work, sleep, work, sleep, build a foundation of a life, get a place to live, build up friendships, work, sleep, work, sleep, hit and miss with the opposite sex, one or two ‘real’ relationships, work, sleep, work, sleep, family shit & good stuff, work, sleep, recognize & fight off inner demons, have my heart ripped right the fuck out of my body suddenly and permanently just weeks away from joining up with a wife & child, work, fuckin work, work more, sleep when possible, work.

So, years go by. MIddle age approaches. Lessons learned, view expands of self & others, & realizations of more lessons needed to learn. Wisdom acquired thru experience, reflection on experience, work, sleep, work, sleep…

Does it all just lead to getting even older, a gradual shift from having to work to retiring & being able to have more choice of daily activities, work or interests, a different phase of life, not being ‘out there’ in the mad rush rat race, but having, finally, the experience & wisdom you sure as hell could have used back when you were in the middle of all that & having to make important decisions amid chaos.

So what the hell good is the wisdom thus acquired? In old age, most of it applies to past life stages, not the here & now of the older years. Younger people don’t want to hear it – and they probably shouldn’t bother since your experience & what you gained from it was created inside you, your unique needs, & who can say if it’d do anyone else any good anyway. As the body wears down & the pace of life must be slowed, no matter how active the brain still is, a phase of reflective pondering seems to be what people tell me sets in in one’s life.

More learning from the past? More details on self-awareness, more focus & ability to work on one’s fears, weaknesses, strengths, inner snags? WHAT GOOD WILL IT DO THEN? What’s the friggin’ point then?

Maybe it’s because I haven’t reached that reflective, wise, pondering thought stage of life, but I’m not sure what good it does. Okay, if a soul passes thru this life & moves on, I guess a process of facing oneself, dealing w/the inner bullshit, coming to some sort of inner peace before moving thru the death portal into the next stage – yeah, that’d make sense. And that’d provide a good reason for having these bodies slow down & wear out, forcing us to stop our manic activities & stop & think abt things.

Otherwise, there just ain’t no point to nothin’ 11 months ago

tooo much stress this week
biggest item – waiting for word on brother’s scheduled hearing & possible trial date. maniacal lying scum who filed false charges were fighting having some vital documentation blocked from use. hope the judge realizes exactly why – because it would unveil their maniacal lies!! hopefully, common sense will take the day.
also:shit, nevermind. stuff that can’t be fixed doesn’t deserve to be ranted about.
maybe i’ll review a few of those meditative yoga positions and try to find the zone of peace and serenity… 14 months ago

dump all he knows & holds familiar, grab a select choice of belongings & whatever cash he can gather & just go live on a beach for the rest of his life without big regrets later? (or house-sit in a friend’s house on the beach for a couple of years, anyway?)

Sounds so good. The fact that I’m twisting into a pretzel over the decision leads me to think that I’m not quite the easy vagabond I dream of being.

Oh, it can be so tempting to chuck it all & peel out sometimes. Do people actually do that successfully – like I mean without ending up homeless & also miserable when they get old?

Yeah, I could use a good dog’s company right about now. Cats are fine – all animals are great, but a dog is better suited for this kind of situation, is all. 17 months ago

but the photo of Woody Allen wasn’t posted at the very start was it?? 17 months ago

living are 2 cat brothers. I’m very near to adopting another dog. A smaller one this time. It’s just strange not having a dog around. 17 months ago

mostly I really do carry mine around in my head so I can slip into it any time, any place, any chair, etc. Maybe someday I’ll have a study just like Sherlock Holmes or someone – paneled walls, small fireplace, great looking bookcases, & comfortable leather chairs. No opium, though, of course. :D That’d be easier to acquire than a private little valley in a mountain range where I can ban all other humanoids & their noises. 17 months ago

goes for me, too 17 months ago

Mildly sick feeling – I get quiet & just get on with the job.

If I’m really sick, I withdraw & don’t want to interact with anybody, just want to zone out into my sick-time altered state of consciousness until I’m well again. I’ve been told that as a patient I’m “no fun at all” for someone who likes to play doctor. 17 months ago

I know I’m coming in really late on this thread. I haven’t been checking in at 43T much at all, but I did today & wanted to add a big pile of my own encouragement here. I know a little about family & depression & baggage & health problems, and I also know you’ve (Poetry Man) had a heck of a difficult series of experiences the past few years. I’m sure, though, that you’ve got a ton of skills & perceptions & abilities & stuff to create & express & to share, so you definitely rate all the encouragement available. 17 months ago

picture is better – whichever one fits best, you are the close-up shot, starring in your own life. Those other people are down there in the background.

Okay, to be totally accurate in some weird way, each of your family members & acquaintances would also be in their own picture with themselves in the close-up shot & you’d be one of the people in the street below, a background character in their life – but I know you get the idea!! 17 months ago

The common sense, reality of dissertation-life advice above all sounds good.

When you describe your family’s reactions & the people they know & all, it’s like you’re posting from inside a cave with them all & no one in there is used to viewing things from the outside or even from another cave’s point of view.

If you’ve been in there with them, it can be hard to keep your own perspective, even when you know that they don’t know your world at all as well as you do.

YOU are the one who is starring in your life & all those people will fade more & more into the distance as you continue on (see picture).

You don’t owe them a detailed, confessional-style explanation for anything. I like the simple, sensible stuff the others have written. It’s too bad your parents jumped the gun before anything was finalized – not your fault. 17 months ago

I sort of use an imaginary world to help me relax at night. I’ve used it for several years for that reason. An unspoiled area inaccessible to people in general, populated by a small-ish group of like-minded, good people, animals, and a nice climate. I have a small, comfortable home there, a couple of good neighbors, and I do a walk through, breathing deeply & letting my guard down whenever I need to un-tense myself. 18 months ago

manage to keep being yourself, you’ll never feel “old” inside, you’ll just feel like “you.” That’s the best way to be, whatever age you find yourself at. 18 months ago

pushing thru the approval process cannot be good, or natural

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robbie-gennet/donald-rumsfeld-and-the-s_b_805581.html 18 months ago

a bunch of Cary Grant movies. That guy was the personification – but he wasn’t stuffy about it. 18 months ago

keep some significant distance. Have your guy be there w/you on Sunday, but after expressing sympathy, let your guy be the one involved in the major conversation – you could even excuse yourself & have someplace to go or make a call or whatever.

I know it’s a rough time for Frankie, but it might not be great for either of you if you let the past become the present again. Y

ou can be respectful & kind toward his grief while still setting or keeping the boundaries you learned are best for you. 18 months ago

not pleasant at all 18 months ago

naw… 19 months ago

I guess that’s safer than opening a window. Interesting that I’d never seen one before – now that I’ve said that, I’ll probably notice them in every freakin’ photo I see, including all our old family photos! 19 months ago

invisibility or teleportation.

Time travel & flying would be great, but not as useful in everyday life. 19 months ago

are your fingerprints in the system? Not yet

what color combination do you like best? Brown & creamy tan, or black, brown, & tan, or sky blue w/bright light green

would you help an illegal person? help them do what? There are many things I’d help them with, but I’d think twice abt doing something I could be arrested for

why/why not? they are human beings

do you iron your clothes? Mostly I take them out of the dryer before they get wrinkled, but w/ some materials, I have to.19 months ago

Do you tip your hair dresser/barber? Yes

If you order food for pick up do you tip the waiter/waitress that answered the phone? No. It often isn’t a waiter/waitress who answers, & people go off shift, etc. Just answering the phone? No tip

What percent of your check do you find an acceptable tip for you waiter/waitress? Barely acceptable for mediocre service=the old 10%. Acceptable tip for pretty good service=15% Great service=20% on up

Do you tip a delivery person when they drop off pizza or food?Why or why not? Yes. They run their asses off, usually have to use their own cars, and it isn’t always easy delivering food on time

Is there any things you tip for? 19 months ago

an old-fashioned movie theater with comfortable seats, a big screen, great lobby treats, and I’d only show older movies that I really like or think are extra worthwhile. 19 months ago

my mind to function as clearly and effectivley (and calmly) as possible 19 months ago

This photo shows a sticker or emblem of some sort in the window that I saw in several photos of London buildings from around 1900. It reminds me of a modern hazardous materials symbol.

What is it? 19 months ago

with all the animals, I figured Smithfield must figure into somehow, but I salute & thank you for your research skills!! 20 months ago

be interesting to see photos of all the flatiron-shaped buildings from around the world that have been taken over time. 20 months ago

What building and/or streets are shown in this 1877 etching?

Thanks!! 20 months ago

i mention the friend whose g’grandfather fought in an Iowa union cavalry unit that ended up having to stick around after the Civil War ended to maintain order in Texas under the command of George Armstrong Custer, who treated them so badly and was such a self-centered prick (who took his wife with him) that the Iowa state legislature (I think it was them) filed formal complaints to Wash. DC about the unprecedented abuses of his command, including inflicting illegal punishments on the soldiers for minor infractions.

I’d never heard of this chapter in Custer’s history. Interesting reading. Glad I wasn’t stuck in summertime Texas standing at attention without water or food for hours while he & his wife did a bit of bird shooting. 20 months ago