Someone still somehow thinking I’m not a strange spiritual weirdo who has completely lost the last small fraction of her mind that was still remaining? No worries, I’m sure this entry will push even those that are now unsure about my sanity and on the edge way over it. :D
I don’t even know what to say anymore – how could I possibly put into words how cheerful, happy, peaceful, grateful and alive I feel? This past month has been the best month of my life by far. But the feeling is difficult to put into words because everything that I used to describe as ‘happiness’ feels very superficial and fleeting compared to how I feel now. Actually it isn’t even a feeling, but rather a way of being. I’ve never been as intensively alive as I’m now.
I’ve had an abundance of wonderful things happen, but listing them wouldn’t tell how I feel, and I feel that they aren’t the cause, but perhaps the result, of being in a constant flow of cheerful, luminous, loving energies. Waves of such powerful joy go through me that I can’t help but to smile all the time. I’d want to wrap everyone I see in the streets in unconditional love, acceptance and hugs. (Those that I know I can fortunately actually wrap in those and hug them endlessly. :D)
One of the most incredible experiences of my life has been energy healing. It’s the kind of a thing most people haven’t heard of, and those that have usually think it must be nonsense (or have gone to an energy healer that isn’t very good at what he does), but when you experience it directly, perhaps especially as a giver, it is a very real, changing, powerful experience.
I started to notice this skill appearing during the time I was having life-threatening heart problems, probably because I wasn’t much in the ego during that time but simply present in the moment in deep acceptance of what was, and now I’ve been consciously developing these skills with teachers that have gone further on this path and are a lot more skilled than I am. It’s an amazing feeling to go into meditation, in a way step aside as a person and a personality, and let this powerful, healing, unconditionally loving energy flow through me into the person I touch with my hands.
I don’t feel like myself when I do this and couldn’t take any real credit for these skills. Of course I’ve put a lot of effort into inner growth and consciously chosen this path, but still as a person who has a name and a life history I couldn’t heal anyone; I can only step aside as a person and let healing come through me. Nowadays the feeling of not being here as a personality often remains otherwise as well, and instead of me there’s an unconditionally loving, accepting, soft, feminine, motherly energy in my place, that, curiously enough, actually is clearly more me than my personality ever was. This energy feels very individual, but it isn’t personal in the same way as who I am as a person is and I can’t take real credit for it.
May has truly been the best month of my life. Not that I still don’t have ways to go, but it suddenly hit me today that I’ve become the person I once dreamed I could be. I don’t know how far I’ll go on this path to become a healer, but so far I’ve never felt more in the right place at the right time as I do now.
Thank you, Life, for everything. 5 hours ago