let go

He had his baby. I’m not sure whether I want to laugh, cry, or just be jealous. Probably all three. What a blessing from God she is. What a pain in my heart.

Still working on it. I’ve been working on this almost a year. Hopefully I’ll get there one day. Maybe this time will be the last time. I hope so. I’m tired of getting hurt. It’s the same hurt everytime.

How many times have I broken up with Brandon now? 10? 20? I can’t keep doing this to myself. It hurts too much.

...with this letting go thing. This is my 7th entry about it.

I’ve had to let go of a few bad relationships. Letting go of Brandon has been the most difficult, especially since he’s making an effort to keep in contact and saying all the right things.

Not only is it difficult letting go of a first love®, I’m also grieving the loss of my “fantasy man” as I’m beginning to accept that he doesn’t exist. What a disappointment.

I’m a love addict. I continue the cycle of bad relationships, despite the fact I know they’re bad. I need to let go. I need to let go, let myself go through the withdrawls, and grieve. I hope I can do it soon.

...but finding out that he has a pregnant girlfriend has devestated me. Why tell your exgirlfriend first? I don’t get it. We’ve only been broken up 6 months, and his girl is 3 months pregnant. Seems a little fast for me. I’m still getting over him. It sucks. It’s pain all over again. I need to cut ties now, or I’ll get stuck babysitting.

Because he’s no good for me. You’ve got to stay away from people who belittle your ambitions, right?
He doesn’t make me happy. I should be happpy.

Nope. Still hurts. I was sitting back on Friday evening thinking, yep, I’m having a great night and he’s probably sitting at home alone on his birthday. HA. Nope. He had a surprise party. All the years I tried to organize a surprise party and it never happened…grrr. Now, he has one. Of course I wouldn’t be invited, I’m the ex. Still. Hurts. When will I be over him? I wish he didn’t exist…

The battle continues. I’m dying to call him because it’s his birthday, but I know I shouldn’t. Why do I still love/miss him? I guess you really never get over your first…everything.

of him.