Regarding my last post…oh the irony! Never mind.

I’ve just realised, while commenting on another 43er’s goal, that I can understand men to a certain extent if I’m not romantically involved with them. For example, I totally understand my dad – he’s incredibly insecure, but he masks it with bravado, arrogance and boosts his ego by sleeping around with lots of women (luckily he has a steady girlfriend now, who is lovely, so thankfully promiscuity isn’t an issue at the moment). My male friends aren’t hard to figure out either – there was only one difficult bloke and it turned out that he transfers his issues onto others and then blames them for it (not very nice, but hey). The guy I am in love with (I don’t call him my ex but that is effectively what he is for the benefit of anyone reading this) though, I cannot understand for the life of me. Seriously, I have no idea where to begin with him at all (I shall continue this point on goal 1). Basically, when I’m in love with a guy, there seem to be infinite possiblities to explain their behaviour but I can’t seem to decide on the definite answer, and then the actual answer turns out to be the one I thought it couldn’t possibly be (and usually the one I was hoping for). For example, one time (at band camp!! Only joking :P) he was away in Cardiff for a few days and didn’t text me that much or anything, so naturally I thought he didn’t care about me and wasn’t bothered as to how I was doing or whatever. Anyway, a week or so later, I was teasing him about how he never texts me and joking that I bet he didn’t think about me at all while he was away (which is what I believed), and it turned out that he’d had nightmares about me cheating on him when he was in Cardiff and he’d been worried sick. I think he just doesn’t show his emotion that much, but to be honest that’s not very helpful!

God, it’s ridiculously obvious with my guy friends, why can’t it be that way with guys I love too??

There’s been no breakup, I just thought this was relevant to how I generally feel at the moment:

“What am I gonna do when the best part of me is always you?

What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re okay?

I’m falling to pieces, yeah

I’m falling to pieces…”

The thing is, you have to hear the pain and heartache in Danny O’Donoghue’s voice when he sings this song for it to truly make sense, but hey.

do not understand men…why is my ex speaking to me to tell me about his wonderful new life with his wonderful new gf and their wonderful new found happiness? i really, really don’t care. if i did care, it would only be because i want the same things as him.

i don’t get guys. all my friends tell me that i’m beautiful and intelligent and whatever else, so hundreds of guys are after me and i shouldn’t have a low self-esteem. well, where are they then?!? i don’t understand…why do they keep insisting on all this when clearly i am unattractive for whatever reason? also i am apparently a crazy insecure young girl who needs professional help, which is personally why i think guys don’t go for me.

it just doesn’t make any sense. i’ve tried everything. i’ve tried being calm, being relaxed, flirting, wearing loads of makeup, wearing hardly any makeup at all, being talkative, being nice and kind and attentive and NOTHING WORKS!! none of the guys i like EVER EVER EVER like me back. ever. and i don’t even act desperate, i mean they’ve never guessed that i like them or anything.

and another thing, why is it always the ugly and boring guys that do fancy me, when such a miracle occurs once in a blue moon? i mean, is that all i’m worth? no intention of being arrogant here, beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all.

just…could someone please help me?

I do NOT understand men. I really really don’t. Why do they sporadically text and when they’ve texted you back after 3 hours of suspense they fail to write more than about 5 words? Why is it that when you ask if it is ok to call them via text they don’t text you back? Why is it that when you’ve met their friends with them and have officially become their girlfriend, they think it is acceptable not to contact you properly for 5 days? Why do they not wish you good luck for important competitions that you’ve been talking about for the past 3 weeks? Why do they tell everyone but YOU that they had a fantastic time with you on fri night?

WHY???

I met on Yahoo 360 back in January, before I was even on 43things. At that time she had just met a man through MySpace and had started dating him. I was kind of suspicious when she told me he didn’t have a home phone that he could call her on, as he only had it hooked up to the computer, and only had a “pay-as-you-go” cell phone, so they couldn’t talk on the phone very much, just e-mail and IM. I mentioned my suspicions to her, and she thought about them, but decided they were unwarranted and that she needed to trust someone.

Over three months later I just talked to her and GUESS WHAT? His WIFE IM’d her on Friday night and wanted to know how long my friend had been messing around (my words, not hers) with her husband! AS you can imagine, she is DEVASTATED!!! AND afraid to trust again!!!

to work on this goal any longer!!!

I AM SO CONFUSED!!!!!!!!

thanks for listening…I just needed to vent!

not understand…accept. IM OVER IT! Im living life day by day and as i cross confusion in my path…ill tackle it as it comes..

What is it about them that makes me (and alot of other women) lose it? I mean, seriously! One only has to exhale and im a shivvering wreck. They have this sensuality, this sexuality…ahhhhh! God, and im not kidding, the more Itallian they look, the more i like them.

I lived in Italy and go there several times a year (work and family) and I know the types well (often they are steriotyped as greesy, slimy men) and I like alot of those types!

I need answers! There must be a vaccine!

when I spoke up and mentioned that I started my career in my organisation 16yrs ago. A handsome young man from out of town took note and as I was passing by him to leave the room he stopped me and said I look nowhere near old enough to have 16yrs work experience. He was seated, so I laid my hand on his shoulder, gave a big grin and said “Why, that’s a compliment, isn’t it? Thanks!” and gave him a gentle squeeze. A little later we struck up a conversation about the conference topics, then suddenly out of the blue, he asked me if I was married. Today I returned to the conference and one of his buddies asked for my business card and told me the guys were hoping that I would have shown them around my city last night after the conference. Now, I don’t know if I was too forward with him or if he and his buddies were imagining that I was a “good-time girl..” When I stopped to talk to two of his friends they both put their arms around me…I never met these people before…Because these guys are part of my organisation, I decided to immediately tone it down…that’s all I need now is a reputation as a good-time girl. All this attention from a little shoulder squeeze!