dispel the myth that mental illness is something to be ashamed of

I haven’t been around for awhile I know. That’s because I was in the hospital for my mental illness. Almost everyone in my Unit 30 total including me, Were ashamed of their mental illness. (Not me) I tried to show them that it’s an illness like any other, yet they couldn’t see it. Maybe because they were in crisis like I was. Maybe when they are stable again they will remember some of the things I said. I even said it to the staff and they looked at me like I had 3 heads or something. We have a long ways to go in this fight.

So many people need to be made aware…I am proud to be bipolar. It is a challege everyday yet I survive another day, When I am depressed and when I am manic I don’t want to go to sleep I am afraid I will miss something of importance on 43things or something. I don’t watch tv or the news…too much of a bummer. Don’t get me wrong there are 2 tv’s in my house and I belong to netflix. If the tv is on I will watch it, but I don’t go out of my way to turn the tv on. I find I tend to get overstimulated when it is on. So I listen to music.

I found out this week that I also have SAD. That explains a lot. When I am Depressed and suicidal I just want to sit in a dark and quiet room. I love the darkness. But when I am manic I love the bright lights and lots of noise. Oh well. WHat can I do? Just keep taking my medicine and hope for the best. I slept all day yesterday because The dr. Upped all my dosages once again. But I am feeling better. So I guess I will take the sleep and feeling better, right.

And I thought to myself…My Gawd these people are higher functioning than I am. And they definitely have nothing to be ashamed of. I am proud to be counted anoung their ranks. Although my mental illness isn’t as severe as some of theirs and then some of them had down’s syndrome. Yet they were amazing.

I notice that no matter where you (collectively) go people look down on the mentally challenged. There has got to be a way to change this. I tell people I am bipolar. It changes a lot of peoples attitude about me. I don’t understand why. I’m the same person I was 15 minutes ago before I told you. I just can’t understand what changes. I guess maybe because I grew up around mentally challenged people I have a different outlook than other people. I don’t keep my mental illness a secret. why should I? diabetics don’t keep their illness a secret. I don’t want people’s pity or to be treated differently. I just don’t want to have to keep it hidden.

...I am proud of it. Truly I am. I tell people I am Bipolar. I know what you are thinking, It’s for attention. No it really isn’t. And it isn’t to excuse my behaviour either. I accept complete responsiblity for my behaviour. I just think people need to get used to hearing that people have mental illnesses. Just like other people have hypertension, or cancer or any other illness. people need to be pulled out of their comfort zones. They Need to be made aware that Lots of people suffer from depression. So many of our Young people are killing themselves. My Godson committed suicide in Feburary, because no one wanted to listen. I was unaware how dire the situation was. I myself have attempted suicide 6 times. People need to wake up…They really do. By My Godson, Scotten, Dying I will never take another attempt on my life. I saw first hand how many lives it effects and the devastaion it leaves behind. I could never do that to my family and friends.

If I were diabetic or had a heart condition you wouldn’look at me any differently. But since I am Bipolar I am made to feel
ashamed. I don’t think so. being bipolar is kind of awesome actually. I get to feel all these different emotions in a matter of minutes/hours that you will never feel in your whole life time. If you aren’t Bipolar you can’t even begin to understand what I am talking about. And the Manic phases are the best. You feel like you can do anything, I do mean ANYTHING. I have never done drugs so I can’t compare it to drugs, However I have heard it said that Drug highs don’t even compare to Manic highs. SO please just let us live our lives, DOn’t make feel ashamed for something we can’t help anymore than you can help you poor vision, or your heart disease. And FOr the love of peter please don’t pity us.