stop picking my skin

This summer was a test to see if I could avoid picking my skin even when I had idle time and was at home in the US where picking became a habit in the first place. I sort of passed. I did pick a bit because I was bored and at night it was such a natural thing to do because I’ve ALWAYS picked at my face in front of the mirror in my parents’ bathroom, so it was hard not to do this summer. But I did control it. I stopped myself and didn’t let myself go into a total trance to where I marked up my face. When I returned to the UK in August I thought, right. I’m doing well. I think I can scratch this goal off my list now. I was PICK FREE until recently. I’ve had a brief relapse. I’m not too upset about it, because the progress I’ve made in a year has been amazing. I don’t pick nearly as much as I used to. I’m at a point now where I don’t pick just to pick anymore. I only pick if there is really really something there. The problem is that lately my face has broken out something terrible, worse than it has in a year. So the temptation has been way stronger and I’ve been making my face look worse by messing with things. So I have to stop. And the thing is, I know I can do it. All of you who are out there feeling hopeless—don’t! It just takes time. I’m going backwards right now but I’m in a good enough place now that I can stop myself from going too far. I’m stopping it where it is now so I can get back to the good place and have clear, beautiful skin by next week.

I’m not giving in. I’m too strong now.

I joined this site almost exactly one year ago, and it has made a tremendous difference for me. I think I’m almost to a point where I can say “WORTH DOING” and sign off…key word being almost. I’ve been through therapy (I CANNOT recommend it enough…getting to the roots of my problem has helped me more than anything I’ve done), I’ve done my charts and set my goals. I’ve started taking good care of my skin (by doing less to it, not more) and I’ve started to take better care of (and love) myself. Whereas I used to spend hours in the mirror in lala land, picking away, I’m now super conscious of when I lean in, and when I pick there is actually something there, although I occasionally can start searching for barely there spots. But the thing is, I stop myself now, whereas before, I couldn’t. I was powerless. I have regained control over my fingers and my face is much better for it.

The true test will be this summer. I was able to keep from picking in my new apartment in England, away from familiar things, living with a roommate and around a boyfriend who made sure to point out if I wasn’t following my goals and kept me on my toes. Now I’m home, in the States. Back to the same environment where this whole thing started (well, different house now, but it’s still my parents’ home). I always seem to have my biggest battles against picking when I’m home on breaks. I have lots of time on my hands, a lot of time people are at work and I’m home alone, they have to go to bed early and I can stay up (late night picking is SO hard to resist…the more tired, the harder to fight it…) and so on. It will be a challenge. The test will be to see if I can make it through the summer without relapsing. If I can, I’m going to consider myself “healed” and I’ll be done with this goal. It’s going to be hard, but I really think I can do it. I picked a little my first two day back here, and I let myself do it, partly because I knew I was going to make this promise to myself and it was kind of a “last chance” to do it. That’s cheating, I know. But I WAS able to stop myself. The voice in my head that says, “You’re going to regret that in the morning” is much louder than ever before, and I actually listen to it and follow its directions.

So here I go. Two months at home. Let’s see if I can keep this up. If I can keep from doing it here, I’ve truly kicked the habit for good.

Wish me luck!

I looked in the mirror this morning, just after waking up, and realized my skin is gorgeous. Over the past few months my picking has sharply declined, and the difference is amazing. I have a few reddish spots along my hairline on one side, where I picked a bit yesterday while watching TV. Normally I’d want to get closer to the mirror and see if I can “fix” those places (but just make them worse), but instead I thought to myself, “No way. You’ll just make it worse. Leave them alone.” It wasn’t even hard to do. I just walked away. I think my brain is really starting to be retrained, and I’m slowly rewiring it to think like everyone else in the world does: it’s just a spot, leave it alone and it will go away. I feel so strong and healthy. I look back at the last three years and I realize that every struggle, and every time I fell, and the nights that I cried uncontrollably and couldn’t stop—they all had to happen. They had to happen to get me to this point. I’m at a point where I am feeling free from this “demon”. I know I’m still going to be tempted, and it’s not gone, but what a difference from before. Hang in there guys. The road is bumpy, but if you stick to it, you’ll get there.

I saw this video on youtube.com and wanted to share it with you guys. It helps me realize that perfect skin is often just an illusion.

Dove – Evolution of Beauty

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JWXFzDHaAU

You all should watch this video. I saw way too much of myself in this. :/

...and anyone else who is feeling discouraged. I’ve been on this site for almost a year now, and I’ve been consciously trying to quit picking for almost 3, and I am just now able to say that I’m taking control of my life back from this damn picking demon. PLEASE PLEASE, everyone, be PATIENT with yourself! If you’re like me, then this habit started years and years ago and is now a deeply engrained behavior. You can’t make a time limit for yourself, you can’t beat yourself up about it. There WILL be times when it will seem IMPOSSIBLE that you will ever have a grip. BUT IT WILL COME! For me it’s taken 3 years, and I’m not there yet! But I’m way better than before. There were times when I hated myself because my face was pink and splotchy from my last pick fest and I felt so ugly and miserable that I thought about hurting myself more. THOSE DAYS SUCK, but you can’t let that feeling of despair control you. I found anger to be a great motivator. Instead of feeling sad, I got angry. I was angry at my picking, and it motivated me to want to stop it. I felt like it was a real, living enemy, and I had to attack it.

Sadness and anger will come, but what you really need to feel is LOVE for yourself, and to be gentle with yourself, and to include family and friends in helping you solve this problem. The deeper issues that make you pick need to be addressed, otherwise the problem won’t fully go away. Calendars and stars and silly putty and saying no outloud are ALL wonderful strategies to help you quit, but the underlying reasons for our picking MUST be dealt with if we want to be fully healed.

Friends, please don’t be so hard on yourselves. THREE YEARS of battling—and I’m still not there. YOU WILL PROGRESS, though, if you just keep trying! I hope this is helpful to someone out there. You all deserve to be happy and free!

I keep telling myself that making progress is something to celebrate, even if I’m not fully successful in reaching this goal yet. In the last year I’ve become much more patient when it comes to solving this problem with skin picking. I’ve been able to look back and see, that in one year, I’ve come a long way. So for all of you who are feeling discouraged, don’t! You will move forward if you try, and eventually you will feel like you have more control over your picking.

Right now I feel under control. Even though I’ve picked this week WAY more than I have in a long time, and I have scabs on my face, I feel good. Why? Because I can see that what used to be a daily habit is now something I fall into only when I’m feeling weak and tired and when my face breaks out during PMS. That’s progress!!! Not to mention that the whole time I was picking this week, I thought to myself, “I could stop. I’ve done it before. I could stop right now and not do this.” And sometimes I did stop. THings like the calendar system (which I’m not using at the moment) and the strong weeks when I’ve been able to say no have helped to strengthen me because I saw that I CAN DO THIS. I’ve done it for a week, so I can do it for life! I just need more time to break the cycle, to retrain my brain, and I’ll be there!

YOU ALL CAN GET HERE, too, if you’re not already. But be PATIENT with yourself. LOVE yourself. The darkest times for me were the hardest part. The worse I felt about myself, the more I picked. DON’T give in to that. Take care of yourself. See yourself as worth it, and stop hurting yourself. I’m not 100% better, but improving the way I see myself has made a huge difference.

It will take time, guys, but I see it up ahead (at least, today I do!). For anyone who hasn’t been there yet, go to stoppickingonme.com and read up. Rereading that site reinspires me every time. You all inspire me too! Keep up the good work, and don’t give up!!!

I haven’t been on this site in WEEKS! No internet at home makes it hard to keep up. Not a lot of time at work to do these kinds of things!

I was doing really well for a few weeks, the calendar things worked GREAT….until I reached my first reward. Then, little by little I stopped trying. I think it was cuz I felt like I didn’t need to try so hard anymore, since it was more under control (and my face looked GREAT!) But what I’ve learned in the last few weeks is that I must stay vigilant. This isn’t dying easily, and it’s going to take more than 21 stickers to wipe it out. So I had a really bad pick binge the other day and it inspired me to start being strong again. So starting today, a new calendar, and new start, and more hard work!

By the way, I just want to say that as I was catching up on all the last weeks’ entries that I missed, I couldn’t help but think how amazing you all are! We’re all at different stages, and different days bring varying highs and lows amongst us, but we are all here and working towards defeating this “demon” and I just want to say thanks. I couldn’t do this without you all!

I have been fighting for so long over my clogged pores. The urge to get the white stuff (or whatever) out of my pores – to make me cleaner – has been very strong. I have always had to fight with the question of whether or not to pick, but picking has always won out because I did not like the idea of anything unnatural in my pores. I have changed my view lately though and tried to not think of my clogged pores as something unnatural, but as something natural that I just pay way too much attention to. I have been working to accept my clogged pores instead of fighting them. Especially because fighting them never seemed to work since they ALWAYS came back.

So during this change to realizing that my clogged pores are natural and I should simply leave them be, my face has cleared up a bit. And as I look at myself in the mirror I barely even recognize myself. I have been so used to having a scab, zit, or red spot to focus on. I don’t think I ever really looked at my face as a whole. Now that I am looking at my face, I see the scars that I have created over the years and it makes me sad. It also keeps me from wanting to pick because it was picking that caused that damage in the first place.

I have been using some samples of mineral makeup and I really like it! It is light on my skin but still evens out the imperfections!

Good luck everyone!

Thanks derface for bringing up all these patterns, it has really made us think!

I have noticed that I have this need to fix things. So when my face has a zit, I need to fix it. I do this by picking. Then I realize what I have done and want to fix that, so I squeeze a little more. The irony of the whole thing is that the best thing to do is NOTHING, just wait and let my skin take care of it. Unfortunately sitting and waiting for something to take care of itself is one of the hardest things for me to do! ::sigh::