Beat my depression

the pain in my head.. i can feel the beat of the pain in my head..
the feeling like pressed inside my chest.. it’s so painful everytime i breathe..

i think my life is in my dream when i’m sleeping.
and that when i’m awake, this is just a dream.
somehow it feels good just to sleep for a long time. i hope i don’t have to be awake.
cause when i’m awake, all it ever show me is boredom, worry, fear, restlessness, hatred, emptyness.
please let me sleep without have to be awake again. isn’t it be a beautiful death ?

ps : i know i’ll be awake again tomorrow cause i’ve tried it many times but it just feel good to say that and believe it and then sleep.

all these years i’ve been struggling with my depression, and the more i tried not to admit it, tried to convinced myself that i’m okay, the more suffer i do. and then i found this article from www.allaboutdepression.com and join this 43 things ‘beat my depression’. i think i’ve taken the first step that is to ‘admit’ it. may be i should try to discipline myself to meditate so i can control my mind to not drowned in negative thoughts, negative thinking about myself, peoples, the world.

• Sadness, anxiety, or “empty” feelings
• Decreased energy, fatigue, being “slowed down”
• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
• Insomnia, oversleeping, or waking much earlier than usual
• Loss of weight or appetite, or overeating and weight gain
• Feelings of hopelessness and pessimism
• Feelings of helplessness, guilt, and worthlessness
• Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
• Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or remembering
• Restlessness, irritability or excessive crying
• Chronic aches and pains or physical problems that do not respond to treatment