stop thinking about suicide

i feel like shit i have not cut for over a month and for me thats great but yesterday it all started going down hill and today things have just gone from bad to worse and i did it i cut the top of my arm to bits and i feel like crap for doing it but i have suicidal thoughts again and the cutting didnt get rid of the pain this time but i had to stop because it was really bad but i just want it over i cant keep fighting anymore not when i dont see a point in doing so and even tho i am cant get myself to talk inside i am screaming so load it deafens me im so very lost today …...................

i am really wanting to kill myself right now i have written out the letters to people i want to explain to and i have written what i want to happen when i am dead. i have it all planed i have been saving the pills i can get for months now and i have a nice bottle of vodca ready now all i need is an empty house and a hot bath i have looked around and found that it is easier to do it in the bath. but even saying this all i can feel is hate towards myself i am disgusting and stupid and bad and putried i deseve to die i need to die i can not take this pain and hurt anymore i cant handle it i want it all to just end i just want some peace…...... i know that i am weak but i dont care anymore i quit

why do i want to kill myself?
would they all be better off with out me?
would anyone even care or give a shit?
would i go to hell?
would that hell be better then the hell im in now?

i have nobody!
i have hurt everyone that has loved me!
i am a bad stupid waste of space!
i need to just end this bit of crap that is my life!

im sorry to everyone….
i was never ment to do what i did….
just remember the good not the bad….

and please know that i did love you all no matter what i said or did to make you think other wise xxxx