control my temper

Why when I get upset do I shout? How do I think that will help? It does not. It stems from being ‘too sensitive’, why does it bother me what people say? Why does it bother me if my b/f spends most of his time on the computer? Why can’t I just do my own thing? He can. Why can’t I take a deep breath, just forget what he says/does and just… be happy. It’d be so much better. I need to pay attention and work at these things, they don’t come naturally. Things that don’t come naturally are really hard, I know. It’s not even that I’m lazy. I don’t know what it is. Why is it so easy for others? I wouldn’t want to be apathetic either though. I tried today, AT LEAST, I didn’t drink, because I know that would have made me more upset the mood I was in. I played music, at least for a bit that helped, but not enough unfortunately, plus I really shouldn’t need to play it so loud. I do that as a feeble attempt to express myself, but it’s not like people are really listening, besides I guess I could’ve just played the music quieter but sang along (I sang along anyway). I was going to try exercise to help my temper/relax me/endorphins or whatever… but the dance mat wasn’t working, or the TV wasn’t working… but I’d already been upset/angry before then. I think I was tired too, but I thought I got enough sleep, I’m not always tired. Ugh, I’m sorry, I guess I wish it was easier… it doesn’t help me, it doesn’t help anyone, or anything. Actually, it makes things worse, but it controls me, in a way.

printed some pages off the net, about controlling anger, asked me to read it, highlight bits I thought would be useful, and then take the pages home, read it, and really try and pay attention to it. Also he said if I feel myself getting angry, to try and calm down, and if I do write what I did that helped, or if I don’t what I did instead and how I could have done it differently. I really do understand that getting angry doesn’t help anything, but it seems it’s just been my reaction to sometimes get out of control, unfortunately. If I could just breathe deeply, try and explain calmy how I’m feeling, not let things bother me so much, walk away and listen to music, I even thought of trying to express my anger creatively somehow (that could be good with sadness as well). Humour might be good too. I do want to try, possibly this ties in with my ‘be less sensitive’ goal as well, and that can affect not just anger but sad feelings as well. Also to realize that I can’t change that things will be annoying/upsetting, but to try and deal with things better?

doesn’t solve anything.