stop picking my skin

Being the only “moon-face” in the family, I am now pregnant (which is a miracle) and suddenly my skin is getting so much better (2nd miracle). I havent had a breakout in 4 mths. whats more is that even the scars are healing and I’m not oily face anymore. Even the zits on my back have gone. My hubby can’t stop touching my face. he loves it. he says its so soft now. Sometimes at work, my fingers automaticcaly go up to my face as if to squeeze a zit and I realize i dont have any to squeeze. sometimes i miss the squeezing so i squeeze my hubbys ;-) I know it wont last forever and as soon as i deliver i’m sure its gonna be little miss zit face and never ending oily face again…sigh… guess i’ll just enjoy what time i have left…

So…I was good for about 2.5 days. Then I gave in! Now, why did I have to go and do that?? I don’t hate myself for it, but I’m sad because the start of the new year was my big motivator, and now, what will it be? I’ve already had like, 2 pickfests in the last week.

I guess I’ll start with my star chart again. My skin needs some TLC, for sure…

Fortunately, I figured out that my recent breakout was due to my cycle, so that was kind of reassuring. I just hope my skin gets better as the month wears on.

Thanks, all of you, for putting up with my ups and downs… (big sigh)

This is, of course, my big New Year’s resolution – I’m sure many of you have made it yours too.

I feel like I have new strength for 2007. So far, so good – 1.5 days of no picking. 363.5 days to go!! :-D

I feel good about it so far, and I keep telling myself, “I have stopped picking. I’m not a picker anymore!” We’ll see if that helps!

Anyway, good luck to all of you. I believe in you, and I know you can conquer this!!

With some renewed encouragement from this site (thank you elemy and Stephanie), I’ve been good today – no intentional picks yet, and it’s almost 4pm. If I can make it to bedtime, I’ll have 3 stars – and I’ll do a little dance!! Ha ha!! :)

I printed a bunch of motivational phrases to tape to my bathroom mirror. I wonder what my hubby will think. :)

Here are some of them, in case you want to know. :)

No More Picking!
ZERO TOLERANCE
I’m a quitter! :)
I accept myself.
Flaws are normal!
focus on others

I decided to include that last one – i.e., being more concerned about others than I am about myself. I probably won’t ever master that, but trying to focus on other people (instead of on myself) will help me realize that no one else is thinking about my skin – only about their own struggles and heartaches. (Ouch.)

So, my parents came to visit me for Christmas, and my sister was also there. Her acne has gotten pretty bad, and she talked to them about how much it upsets her.

Well, my dad brought it up to me to see if I had any solution (?), and I told him how she and I make our skin worse by picking – habitually, sometimes for 10 minutes at a time, etc. (I tried to tone it down some so he would freak out less. If I had told him how it really is – picking for 30 or more minutes, sometimes drawing blood, etc. – he would have crapped his pants.)

He was a little freaked out and more than a little confused – never heard of anything like that before. But he had heard of cutting and asked, with much concern in his voice, if I had heard of that. I told him that yes, I’d heard of it, and that they’re actually sort of related. I think that scared him. :-\

(When I told my mom a few months ago what I do and that it’s called dermatillomania, she was like, “I don’t think you have that.” Okay… Um…)

Well, at least he knows what’s going on. He knows we’re not perfect, and maybe even a little screwed up. That’s okay – he needs to know that!! :)

Anyway, I’m gearing up for the new year – for my resolution of not picking anymore – by trying to pick less and less so it’s not so jarring for me to stop completely. Only a few days left for building my resolve…

(hugs to you all)

Well, I definitely have PCOS, as I mentioned in my last post (a month ago!), which is likely the cause of my acne despite EVERYTHING I try to do for it, since PCOS puts more testosterone in my body than should be there. Even during the time that I didn’t pick (16 days – wow!), my skin didn’t get that much better. :(

Ever since I broke my 16-day run, I’ve had tons of pickfests, just letting myself get out of control. Then I wash and wash, then hot and cold compresses, then slather in ointments or whatever. This habit requires so much upkeep!! Yeesh.

So, lately, I’ve improved my diet – lots of natural food and very few sugars (I’ve even lost 6 pounds!!) – and I’m practically bombarding my face with ointments, essential oils, scar healers, natural masks, gentle cleansers, etc. Oh, and I’m trying to pick less. :-\

Well, I have to say that with all the extra effort, my face does seem to be getting a bit better. Right now, if I don’t look too closely, I only have a couple active ones on my face, plus a couple scabby things from last week, plus the uneven tone from years of picking. I have some hope, I guess, that things will improve.

But I know I need to totally stop picking. :(

Are any of you thinking of making this a New Year’s resolution? I am. My sister will be staying with me for about a week, and I will challenge her to do the same. (We’re both pickers.)

Maybe the new year will help me to make a fresh start. I must stop doing this!!!

You might remember from my last post that I thought I was having some hormonal issues that were screwing up my skin. Well, I got a call from my doctor yesterday, giving me the results of some bloodwork I had done recently. They think I have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). I don’t know that much about it yet, but I learned that it messes with your hormones, and some of the symptoms include acne! GAH!!

I am mad. I feel like I won’t be able to succeed even if I try to break the habit. I will just have to accept that the pimples are going to happen, and that’s that. :-\

Well, they said they’ll try to put me on some medicine to work things out, but I don’t think it will “cure” the problem. It sounds like it would just level things out – but only while I’m still taking the medicine.

So…I’ve been working on adopting vegan eating habits – to see if getting animal foods out of my system helps my skin/health at all. I’ve read that it can, but we’ll see if it works for me…

Love you all.

Hello loved ones, it’s me again… The picker… :-p

Well, I went 16 days, which was pretty great. Then I got so tired of fighting my desire to pick, I gave in – a little at a time, a pick here and there, and then an all-out pickfest. Ugh. I felt so defeated!! But 16 days was an accomplishment. My face didn’t look perfect after those 16 days – I think I was having some major hormonal issues that added to the struggle – but I did practice some self-control, which was good for me.

I’m so tired of picking, and the scars are getting worse. I’ll be 30 next year, and I want to have this behind me!!! I’m going to try again. I’m starting over. All those gold stars on my calendar were awesome, but I haven’t had a single star since I broke my run two weeks ago. :(

This morning, however, I got a star. :) Yay!

(For you newbies, I have a calendar on my bathroom mirror. For each third of the day – morning, workday, evening – that I don’t pick, I stick a star on the calendar – 3 stars per day. After a week, two weeks, etc., of no intentional picking I reward myself…)

Cross your fingers for me. This is so hard!! But I want to succeed. I think I can do it. I have to.

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/

Have you all seen this video? It doesn’t seem to work in Firefox, but I could watch it in Internet Explorer.

It’s really good – especially for those of us who are soooo critical of our appearance.

**P.S. – 15 pick-free days and counting!! :)

I’ve been trying for a week to send an update from my new office, but they must have some kind of weird security thing that won’t let me do it. So, I’m finally writing from home!!

Well, I started over with my star chart. I tore down my old page for October, bought little gold star stickers (the previous ones were red dots – not good!), and put up a new page. The old one was discouraging with all my missed days, plus this one is bigger and covers more of the mirror!

I also (finally) decided on some rewards for myself:
One week = Buy the new CD of my favorite band
Two weeks = Get a massage!
Three weeks = Get a pedicure at a spa!
One month = Have dinner somewhere fancy w/my husband!

So, with my rewards in mind, I’ve gone 10 DAYS with no intentional picking! (The longest ever – and I bought the new CD!) My skin is still uneven and is still making new pimples (I think my hormones are being weird), which makes me really frustrated, but there aren’t any big dark ones like before. I’m just trying to stop touching the new ones so I’ll quit messing up the pH! I’m SOOOO impatient though! I want my skin to clear up NOW!!! :)

However, even though I’m not picking at them, I know where EVERY SINGLE ONE is because I keep looking for them and scrutinizing their progress – or lack thereof. I need to stop doing that! No one else looks that closely, so nor should I.

(Also, when I take out my contact lenses, I can look REALLY REALLY closely at every teeny bump, which is like using a magnifying glass! Does anyone have this added problem? Using just a nightlight does help with this, when I remember to do it…)

Anyway, I’m just glad to finally be addressing this destructive habit. I want to be free! Thank you all for your support and great ideas. Good luck this week and hang in there! Victory and freedom are possible!! :)

(BIG HUG!)