2006-09-11: join at least 43 other 43Ters in posting reflections on the anniversary this coming Monday

Being a neighbour from across the pond, I was invited to this task to give an overseas perspective.

Since the tragic events of 9/11 things seem to have been getting worse. The UK is a place of mixed feelings and all of them are negative. People are hurt, angry, scared and defeated. There are huge waves of hatred against Muslims and also against Americans. How will we ever move forward when our motives are greed and revenge? No one feels safe anymore. It makes me sick to think about all the lives lost on (and since) that day, and I only hope that we can move on and learn from this. Sadly, I don’t see that happening any time soon. Where is our hope for the future? I suppose I am frightened at the growing intolerance I see around me daily, and that our country seems to be turning into a mini-America.

On the more positive side, it makes me happy that there are some brave and caring individuals out there who have provided help and support to those who need it.

The fifth anniversary of 9/11 I sat in bed quite ill. It seems that I’d gotten a nasty case of food poisoning. But in a way, just lying there letting the day pass, being utterly wretched felt appropriate. I suppose because I am sick, utterly and completely sick of all of it. I suppose that may make some people angry. But, I mourn the loss of life. It rocked me to my core. And I wish that I could give those lives back. I wish that I could heal the pain of each person who lost a father or mother or sister or son or daughter. As Americans we see this pain and we weep. We look at television and we are twisted with empathy. I suppose I wish that we could extend our empathy for the women and children and fathers and brothers and sons who are being killed right now by this country. I wish that we could extend our empathy for the people of East Timor. I wish that we as a nation did not prop up dictators when it serves our purposes and denounce them when it does not. I wish we would do something to prevent these events from happening again, something tangible like actually protecting our ports, advancing the dispersal of information that might help people instead of terrify them. Doing something to improve our response in the face of national tragedy as we so sadly did not after Hurricane Katrina.

I try hard not to let all of these thoughts walk with me every day. The sorrow for my nation as well as the deep pain that I feel for so many other injustices and tragedies that happen globally. I suppose my wish is that we all stay conscious 365 days a year, not just this one. I know that there are good people all over the world fighting for change. Fighting to feed starving children, fighting for humanity and life during genocide. I know that there are good people who help others in small ways, I also know that small things add up to greatness. I know that there is a net of love and kindness all over this world. So I suppose on this day, this horrible day when we are asked to remember our loss, that we take time to honor all of those who do not speak our language, who are not from our country, but who have suffered unendurable loss as well. I also ask that we do something, anything to prevent the loss of more human life, more suffering on this planet. In the words of the beautiful poet Marvin Gaye, who died of violence at the hands of his father:

“Brother, brother, there’s no need to escalate, war is not the answer, for only love can answer hate.”

I worked at a day care. I thought I will lay over as many young bodies as I can if I had to…I will try to spread myself over them like a blanket. Children make you think like that. When we played in the back yard the lack of planes was very noticeable.
“Will the planes ever come back?” a child asked. I think so I said but I really didn’t know.

I talked to my ex husband on the phone. I bought a flag for the house. I gave a panhandler in front of Walgreens 2 dollars. He hugged me and I let him. I had only been to New York twice in my life..but I felt like a New Yorker that day. All day. and the next too. New York and its people seemed as close to me as the children in the day care. I wanted to be the blanket on top of them too..to protect them from whatever was next.

I often think about how many extra days I have gotten than the people whose lives were taken on 9.11. Have I used those days wisely? Have I?

A moving editorial cartoon – click on the picture so you can see what she is seeing (the reflection in her eyes)!

I awoke as usual to the news station on the radio. While getting ready for work, I heard the reports of a small plane hitting the tower, which then evolved into a big plane. By the time the second plane hit, I had the tv on. I dragged myself away and drove to work. As I circled the Beltway towards Alexandria, I heard that the Pentagon had been hit. I looked over out the window and saw the smoke billowing. It was quite shocking. When I arrived at the office, everyone was in shock. My office was just a few short miles from the Pentagon. A few minutes after I arrived, the entire building shook and the windows rattled from either an explosion or the fighter jets flying in. The VP of the office decided that no work would be done as general chaos ruled, so he graciously sent us all home. My roommate and co-worker was quite rattled, so she and I drove home, where we sat and listened and watched the news in shock. Calls started to come in from all across the country, as well as from family I have in Germany as concerned friends and family made sure that we were ok. We commiserated about the craziness and horror of it all. While I lost no friends nor family that day, I know we all lost quite a bit of innocence that day. It happened on our soil.

Our blindfold was ripped from our eyes in a violent gesture and we were forced to see that we are not invincible nor impenetrable.

I wish we would’ve held on to the brotherly love that flowed in the days after the initial events. I honor and remember the dead. Those that innocently went about their day and yet were taken, as well as those that knowingly entered into the horror in an attempt to help and gave their lives.

I gladly participate in an event that does not politicize this event, but instead honors the memories.

In the school cafeteria where I work, students watch Jerry Springer every day. I walked in Monday to see and hear the reading of the September 11th victims being read instead. Usually the students are absorbed by the sideshow talkshow, but today they paid little attention to the TV. They were having their own conversations and the names could barely be heard over their laughter. I guess there is a lesson in there somewhere, “folly of youth” or “how soon we forget” or something…

There really isn’t much for me to tell. I was asleep when the planes crashed into the twin towers. I hadn’t been feeling well, and couldn’t get to sleep the night before; I finally managed to drop off not long after the sun started to rise. I woke to the sound of my Dad’s car rushing to a stop in the driveway. My parents had rushed out of the office as soon as they could, when they heard what had happened in New York and that there were rumours a hijacked plane was on its way to Cleveland.

It took a few minutes for what my Dad was telling me to actually sink in, and then I ran to my computer to email a friend who lived in Brooklyn. She wrote back to let me know that she was okay, but that she had family members who were at the WTC for a couple of meetings (they made it out alive, thank goodness).

I spent the rest of the day either watching the reporters who were right there in the area, or sitting here at the computer. I’ve never seen my Dad look so stunned; he just sat down on the coffee table for a while, in front of the TV, totally gobsmacked.

What sticks out the most in my memory from that whole week is the people who were given airtime to ask after their missing loved ones. I watched every evening, and just prayed that they would get some good news.

to start…

on sep 11 2001 i was a new middle school teacher in California. I drove to work listening to happy songs on a tape, blithely unaware of what had happened, already, on the east coast.

as i retrieved my mail from the school’s office, i noticed a radio was on. odd, i thought. never saw that before… but i started to shrug it off, thinking perhaps that was one of the things they did in the office… listen to the radio right before school starts. (the mundane things you remember)

then, i started walking toward my classroom, mail in hand… some words entering my ears…. plane, tower, crumbled, world trade, new york….

odd, i thought, as i kept on walking. but my steps slowed. the words started penetrating. i got to my classroom, and sat down. hard. the words i heard had finally sunk in.

almost every member of my family who worked, worked in New York City. where their offices were, i didn’t know… i had never paid much attention before to the geographies of that city…

became hysterical.

rushed back to the office. called home. lines not working.
not working not working. finally got through to a friend in NJ. she agreed to call my mom for me and find out through her. the art teacher was assigned to babysit me, as i sat there in the conference room, blood running hot and cold.

nothing happened to anyone in my family or friends. it turned out that one friend of my sisters worked in the towers, but was late to work that day. well, never got to work that day, thank god.

the day was unreal, especially to us in california.

when i visited the east coast months later, everyone i knew was marked by the day in a way west coasters just weren’t, couldn’t be.

now, i work in that very same city.

the thing is, how much has changed since then?

I was at work most of us wore headphones while working cuz it was monkey work. As everyone came to the realization that something bad; very bad was happening we ran to the breakroom to watch it on tv. It was horrible and coming home to see more on tv and everywhere you turned were those images…flashes of the Federal Building bombing in Oklahoma came back.
It was a bad day for a lot of people.
I feel bad for what happened on this day, but I also feel bad for anyone who has a birthday or an anniversary on this day because they become the ones forgotten.
I feel this way because 5 years after the May 3 tornado’s in Oklahoma I still felt forgotten. Thank God for family or everyone would have forgotten my birthday.
The one thing I do remember on May 3rd was that I was greatful to have been sharing the day with my family or I may have had to endure the terror alone.

Ground Zero, New York, NY Victims killed: 2,749

Pentagon Victims killed: 184

Shanksville, PA Victims killed: 40

May God Bless them all, and their families