i want to stop cutting

WELL ITS BEEN A WHILE SENSE I HAD CUT IM GUESSING LIKE 2MONTHS I FEEL GOOD THAT I HAVENT CUT BUT I THINK THA ONLY RESON I HAVENT DONE IT YET IS CUZ I HAVENT HAD A REASON TO…EVERYONE IN MA HOUSHOLD NOES AND THEY TRY TO MONITER MA ARM WITOUT MA NOEING…THE OTHER DAY THO I WAS PACKING MA STUFF AND I HAD FOUND OUT THAT SUMONE HAD TOOK MA KNIFE THAT I USE I WAS SO MAD THAT IT MADE MA WANNA CUT JUST TO PROVE TO THA PERSON WHO TOOK IT THAT I DIDNT NEED THAT NIFE TO CUT BUT I DIDNT…ALOT OF PPL NOTICE MA ARM SUM SAY SUMTHIN BOUT IT BUT OTHERS DNT…MA SCARS ARE UGLY AND FOR SUM REASON I DNT CARE TO TRY AND LIGHTEN THEM UP OR HIDE THEM I JUST DNT CARE WAT OTHER PPL ARE THINKIN WHEN THEY SHOW….BUT I HEARD THAT VITEMIN E IS SUPPOSED TO WRK…UR SUPPOSED TO POKE A HOLE IN THA PILL AND RUB THA LIGUID ON UR SCARS…ITS VERY CHEAP TO…...GGGAAAAWWWWWNNNN

well now have to go through therapy and i think i may have depression. damn its all fuked up….i havent cut in a week and a half now. i dnt noe i really want to stop cuz its the only thing that helps me with the stress. and this month has been so stressfull. a part of me wnts to stop and than at the same time i dnt wnt to…its just so confusing…...

i cant believe it but after almost three months of not cutting i finnaly did it again. this is the worst i have ever done. i have so many on my arm that i finnaly got caught up about it. my dad and stepmom knoes and they are trying to get me help. i dunno ive been so deppressed that i had to do it i dont care anymore im done with being miss good gurl i just dnt give a fuck anymore. im gonna continue cutting intill i get what i want and in till then when i need to cut i will. it makes me feel relieved and at this moment of my life i am so hurt, deppressed, scared, worried, and stressed its the only thing that helps me out.

I HAVENT CUT FOR A MONTH NOW BUT I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO, BADLY….I DNT WANT TO DO IT BUT IM LIKE CRAVING FOR IT…..MY BOYFRIEND DOESNT WANT ME TO DO IT AND T I THINK THE ONLY REASON I HAVENT DONE IT IN SO LONG IS BECAUSE HE TOLD ME NOT TO…..IM IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY AND WEVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 2 MONTHS AND IF HE EVER FOUND OUT I HAD CUT WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER HE CLAIMS HE’LL LEAVE ME…........I DNT WANT TO LOSE HIM SO INSTEAD OF CUTTING IVE TRIED HITTING THE WALL…..I STILL REALLY WANT TO CUT BUT FOR NOW IM GONNA TRY TO STICK WITH HITTING THE WALL…...

I havent cut for 2 and a half months and just yeasterday i had did it. the scars are ugly and ppl question me about them all the time. i dnt wanna do it anymore but everytime i stress or something is up in my fucked up life i seem do it. i love the feeling i get when i start to bleed it relieves me frm all the pain im going through in my life. i just want to stop but im so addicted that i dnt noe if ill be able to.