keep a daily rule of prayer

now that i am done with my novella editing (for now), i must do this. i know it will be helpful for me. i’m just sliding by, and it’s not good for me.

i wanna start praying before I go to the monasterio.

i am not yet doing this. but i want to!!! i am kinda at the moment so stuck on this idea of finishing/editing my novella that it’s become….well…it’s kinda like when you leave a term paper to the last minute and all you do is think about that. so maybe in 1 or 2 days I will really start this. maybe tonight i will.

I am terrible at this. When I do morning prayers, I try to do the Jesus Prayer, read my NT, say the standard morning prayers in the St. Tikhon’s book (for self) (tho not always the whole thing), and then say prayer for others.

For Evening prayers i try to read the evening prayers in the book, and then do the jesus prayer.

lately have i been even trying???well last couple weeks not so much…when I do it changes everything and makes it better.It makes ME better.

I want to read the Paraklesis to the Virgin every once in awhile too.

I’ve been saying the Novena, and I’m switching between the Eastern evening prayers and the evening prayers of St. Aidan. I’ve also suceeded at saying some morning and mid-day prayers. I’ve found that it helps to attend Vespers Wednesday and other feast day liturgies- it’s praying in concert with my family of church members. It’s encouraging!

I have always had issues with prayer. Well, I always pray. I pray constantly throughout the day, but I think that carving out a specific time to pray thoughtfully and purposefully is good. It’s being deliberate about our relationship to and with God. So while I don’t feel disconected from God, I know that I need to be more deliberate about this.

Honestly, when I was a Protestant, I had the worst time with this because it was so unstructured, and also a source of guilt. The Sunday School teachers always made it seem like you were a “bad” Christian if you failed to have a daily “quite time”. Ahem. Um… I disagree. And they also offered no assistance, saying that “preprinted” prayers were bad. One had to just “feel” like having a quiet time and conjure up things to say to God.

Now, I know that prayer is part of our sanctification. It doesn’t make me a bad person, or a bad Christian, to not pray every day in a structured way, but I do know that the discipline of deliberate prayer contributes to our sanctification, in our becoming more like Christ, as we were meant to be. It’s also a sacrifice of time and thought, showing God we mean what we say. It has helped so much to have a prayer book, and to know that thousands and thousands are praying the morning and evening prayers with me. I know that the words I’m saying have centuries of thought and meaning infused into them. I dont’ have to come up with “heartfelt” things to say to God (when I just feel empty and want his presence) like before. I can of course when I have things to say, but I’m not obligated. Thank God.

But I still have issues- I fall asleep, or don’t get up early enough. I’m going to try this in steps- first, we as a parish are praying a novena for our Fr. Michael- I will do that every night. I will also try to pray evening prayers every night for the rest of the month… and then I’ll take the next step…