lose 6 pounds

this whole dieting this is proving to be very hard!! I did so good yesterday, and then today, It seems I can’t stop eating. I feel guilty after I eat, but its like I dont stop and think about what I am doing. That is so bad on so many levels. I sound like I should be 400 pounds. *sigh….I just want to look good in mexico. I want to feel confident in my bathingsuit and finally feel proud of my body.
Do you ever feel like your body is in limbo… until the day you’ve come to terms with it? I heard once someone say that their body was no longer a “work in progress”. I can bet that most of us feel that way through out most of our lives. Idont want that. I want to start loving my body now, I just want to obtain this goal so badly I feel a surge of desire well up in me.
What is stopping me?
my own obsticals… my own, lack of self control. I wish I was one of those people where food didn’t rule my day. It does if I am honest…I think about what I eat, what I haven’t eaten, what I want to eat…how I’ll burn it off… It controls me abit. I want to learn to enjoy the other pleasures in life.

I feel very disppointed in my lack of control. I didn’t need those cookies… I could have gone straight to bed…and yet, here I sit, angry at my impotence.

I guess I’ll get back on tomorrow, I just pray, i’ll be able to last longer than a day this time…. maybe three?

everytime I look in the mirror, I feel a burst of three things. anger. frustration. and disappointment. I hate the way my body looks now. It is so f’d up. I don’t understand, I work out at least 5 times a week and I am trying to watch what I eat, and yet, my thighs are huge and my love handles aren’t budging. I feel disgusting, I hate the way I look in jeans, dresses, sweatpants….what else is there?! I feel terrible. I think something is wrong with me. I am looking into a supplement…anyone hear anything about “6pack” my sister used it, I think it might help. I’m hoping because, I’ve already been down the eat disorder road, and it leads to knowhere good, and I dont know what else to do.

I want to loose 5 lbs because I feel like right now I am confident and feel o.k., but I am always afraid of gaining weight, so if I lose 5 I wont be fearful…if that makes sense?