do what i want to do

to sleep last night at a quarter to ten. Just because I wanted to. Self-determination is lonely.

feels hot, even though I can’t feel my toes.

I don’t just want to do ‘whatever I want’ and then be an ogre. What I mean is that I want to do what it is that I do best, the thing I care about the most. I guess that underlying this is a desire to be the best person I can be, across the board. I want to do what it is I am meant to do. I want to do what I love. I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to be clueless. In the words of that wizened felt puppet, I want to be me. I hope that at bottom, I am sending some kind of positive and productive energy out into the world. This is important.