feel the fear and do it anyway

You know, getting your heart broken really sucks – nothing new there.

I’m proud of myself cause I did exactly as this goal says, I felt the fear and did it anyway. It was a risk to take, it could work the same way as it couldn’t but I guess when you open up to the world you get the good and the bad, and I got the bad this time. But wanna know what? Despite the heartache I can honestly say I’M OK, and just knowing that is enough for me.
I prefer the pain to nothing at all.
I certainly learned something from that, even if I don’t see it right now, I’m sure I will soon enough, whatever is worth that’ll only make me stronger.
If I hadn’t tried I would never know what could have happened, and yes, now I know and it’s not nice but at least I had the guts to try. In the end I’m glad I put myself outhere.
It’s actually liberating knowing that I tried. =D
I’m remembering Hannah from Everwood on a scene when she’s crying cause she told Bright she liked him and he didn’t like her back and she was sad cause she was disappointed cause she really believed that things work when you try, take a risk and put yourself outhere.
I still believe that, not having done that would be like living a half life and not to the fullest, regreting what I’ve never done.
I just think it wasn’t supposed to work this time. I would hate to continue wondering what he felt, it was nice to actually know it. =]

Yesterday was my english course graduation party and I was really anxious and scared about going and thinking ‘what would happen if I went’, because everybody there is at that stage in life where you’re supposed to figure out what you’re gonna do. And a lot of my friends there are already in college and stuff and I’m still in this waiting room, just waiting for the college’s answer and the scholarship stuff, so nothing is really decided.
I’m completely aware that I’m not alone in this, but it doesn’t help the fact that I feel uncomfortable talking about this part of my life. I know it’s my problem and as soon as I feel comfortable with not knowing and with how my life is and where I stand, sooner I will be able to accept whatever situations may come.
You see, the uneasyness I feel about where I am in life, is not in the people I know,is not because of what they would think, not necessarily at least, but it’s in me.

That reminds me of the quote: “Remember happiness doesn’t depend on who you are or what you have; it depends solely upon what you think.”

Anyways, I felt the fear and went to the party!
Despite everything I really missed my friends there.
It was really awesome to view my friends again, and to chat and laugh with them, remember old stories. I really loved it. I had a bliss!
And all that I was scared of, didn’t even matter once I was there(not to me, and especially not to them). So, I guess that quote is absolutely true! It’s all in your head, what you think.

I’ll try to dare more from now on.

Is it what has been stopping me ?
Maybe… I’m pretty sure that’s what it is…
But this need to stop. I’ve been missing out on nice things, great even because of this stupid fear! Damn it! I’m human, failing is allowed!
When I get anxious and afraid of doing something and finally give up on doing it, I always remember that movie Holy Man in which Eddie Murphy’s character said something like:

‘Seventy-five years. That’s how much time you get if you’re lucky. Seventy-five years. Seventy-five winters. Seventy-five springtimes. Seventy-five summers. And seventy-five falls. When you look at it like that, it’s not a lot of time, is it ?
Don’t waste them. Get your head out of the superficial things that pre-occupy your existence and get back to what’s important now. Right now. This very second. And I’m not saying, drop everything and let the world cme to a grinding halt.I’m saying that you could be a seeker. You could be loving more. You could be taking some chances. You could be living more, you could be getting in touch with the part of you that lives instead of fears…‘

And that’s exactly what I want for me.