get over him

Still awake. For some reason my top lip is swollen twice it’s size just on one half. I think it’s stress related. This just can’t be happening. All these years of my life now just mean what? They were a joke? Other than my kids, I feel so used and so wasted. Oh I wish I had been able to tell him “Don’t call me again” Of course, he wouldn’t have cared so that wouldn’t do anything for me but make me feel worse for that too….

How do I make it the rest of the night? I need a pill that will make me sleep for a month. Maybe I’d wake up and the pain would be gone. Maybe I’d wake up and he would be by my side, worried and sorry for the pain he caused me. Maybe I’d wake up and find it had all been a dream.

Maybe I need to wake up now and see how stupid I am.

He stopped taking my calls. He won’t answer my texts and he is humiliating me by showing me he is choosing the bimbo over our friendship. Over our kids! He said if the kids get mad at him then F them and when they are in their 20’s they will understand! We still have a house that’s in both our names and a few other accounts too and we have things we NEED to discuss (not just my pain and sadness) I just sit here with the phone in my hand not wanting to be embarrassed again by calling and being ignored. I don’t want to text him and know that his w#or* is seeing the texts and laughing at the fact he is treating me this way. I am crying all the time and I don’t know what to do next…

It hurts too much. 30 years married,since we were 17. We were going to stay friends. We were, he promised. we had a friendly divorce.he promised to help me get through it.he promised.over and over. he said he would never leave me.never. what happened? He got a gf. A stupid bimbo who is demanding he not be my friend. I am losing it! I have called her and hung up on her and called her a few names. I am acting like an idiot! And I know it! IT HURTS! He is telling me with all his words, all his actions, that he wants me out of his life. I need to let him go. He is my family. I don’t have a mom or dad. I have loved his parents and his brothers for years and years. They are my family too. I have our kids but it hurts to lose everyone else. I can’t take this pain. It feels like someone has died and they left a note saying “I never loved you” and you are left alone and with that feeling of rejection. I don’t want to say to myself “Look, he is a jerk. He is telling you to go. He can have his bimbo. Karma will come around for them” blah blah yeah all that is true but the other truth is HE WILL BE GONE OUT OF MY LIFE! I don’t want to lose him as my friend. I don’t want more than that….I filed the divorce…I have met someone else, but I am losing my oldest friend. I just want to disappear.