Write a note to my younger self about something I know now that I didn't know then

Glad that I did it. Glad that it’s done.

You and your family will be moving within the year just as school lets out for the summer. Your mom is going to let you decide which toys to sell at your family’s moving sale and I advise you to keep whatever you have room to keep because someday most of them will be collectible. And when you get married and move out and your mom suggests that you take it and store it at your house, JUST DO IT! I’ll be reminding you about that again later on whenever you do have your own house. Also, don’t throw away your keychain collection. And start keeping a journal of all your favorite places here in Orange County, California abd their location. I’ll explain later. I’ll be writing again real soon.

Sincerely,
Your self 38 years later.

Hey baby,
Things have been pretty confusing lately haven’t they? I wish I could have written this letter to you a long time ago. However, I only recently remembered it. I guess our sub-conscience finally felt we were strong enough to deal with it. It was like I was listening to a safe open.. click… click… click. Then, all at once, I’m sitting in the path of an emotional wave of things that come crashing down on me/us. I want you to come over here and sit on my lap while I explain this to you. The first thing I want to say to you is that I love you. There is nothing that you could do or that will ever happpen to you that could possibly change the fact that I love you, not ever!
Secondly, nothing that has happened is your fault. David is not well. He is so much older then you and he is intimidating you and telling you lies. That is why you are so scared right now. I know that when you get older many of these memories will be blacked out of our memory, by our sub-conscience, for our own protection. Thirdly, it is because of the fact that our parents are so loving to us and each other; offering such an idealic world for us to live in that makes what is happpening with David so very confusing. It is like we are living in two diffent worlds at exactly the same moment in time! Two worlds that are playing the ‘oppisit game’ with each other! I can promise you that if we would have told Momma and Daddy what was happening they would have rescued us from him! As it was, we will go through most of our adult life confused, pulled apart, co-dependant and with a pretty low self-esteem in spite of how smart we are and how much we have to offer the rest of the world. We make it through honey. I want you to know that we get things figured out and that the grace that the Lord extends to us; we learn to extend to ourselves, finally. Should of/ could of’s will stop haunting us and we will be able to contribute to the world around us in ways that others can not. Do you remember Grandma Clements saying that ”...the stronger souls carry the heavier burdens?”. She’s right. We carried and survived the burden that many other young children could not have bared… that many don’t. And we live on to share the message, live the message.
Love ya gobs!
Me
P.S. As it turns out, the most perfect man for us, in the entire world, love us to distraction and we have a wonderful life full of love and grand adveture! I wouldn’t lie to you! How cool is that?!?

You’ve heard the expression; ”...I wouldn’t change a thing because it’s made me who I am…”. I am here as your older self to tell you the folly of that expression. Now that I am sitting here at 43 years of age, looking back over my life, I’m here to report to you that there are MANY, MANY things that I would change! “Like what?”, you ask. Well, here’s a few examples just off the top of my head:
1. Pray every day. There is nothing that will happen to you that the Lord and you can not handle together!
2. Stay away from the “bad boys”. They are violent and will end up breaking your spirit and your jaw.
3. Stay away form the drugs. It may be recreational at first but in my 43 years of life I have NEVER met a human who can do drugs long term successfully! That’s the truth!
4. It’s great to look out for the well-being of others but do not do it at the expense of your family. ie: If you meet a person living on the street, drive them to a local shelter and food banks. Do not bring them into your home. It’s the only home you have and you must protect it at all costs! Your family is counting on you to do just that! There are many ways to help others without putting you and your’s in harm’s way.
5. Hold your babies much, much more! Get as much “cuddle time” as you possibly can! Before you know it they will be too big to enjoy it and the next thing you know they won’t even be living under the same roof!
6. Take better care of your car! It’s much more expensive to repair your vehicle then it is to maintain your vehicle.
7. Journal! Keep an on-going conversation going with your self and God. Friends will come and go in your life. Make sure your best friend is yourself!
8. Set goals! Keep track of the progress you make with them.
9. Always do the BEST you can with what you’ve got where you are.
10. Learn to love yourself! If you do not love yourself you will NOT be able to love the ones you need to love in your life as much as you should/could! Not to mention that you will go through a nauseating and humiliating period of co-dependence that will make you and your young daughter miserable. I know that it doesn’t make much sense to you now but you will understand it more as you get older.

Well, that’s it for now. I’ll be in touch soon.
Don’t get too discouraged. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND THINGS WILL WORK OUT! I’m very happy now and have a wonderful life!