Wait until marriage

...and it was worth the wait. :)

In a ten days I will be done with this goal. Really, truly done.

This goal and I have been unsteady partners for a long time, and I think it will be strange to have it finally completed. I have put a lot of myself into the entries I have posted. Looking back it reminds me of what a long struggle it has been. Having a tangible place to record this goal, and the thoughts and emotions I’ve dealt with throughout my relationship has been indispensible. It has forced me to evaluate my decisions and it has given me a measure of accountability for my actions.

After all, it is a lot harder to justify your actions on a public forum than it is in your thoughts.

And at the end of it all, maybe I helped someone else make their own decision. Maybe one more person decided to wait for love, or marriage. If one less girl got her heart broken, or contracted an STD, or got pregnant… then my sharing was worth it for me.

All of the cheers and encouragement have helped me along my path, and I thank each and every one of you who supported me. Even those who did not agree with me, but cheered me for my resolve.

My path hasn’t been perfect, but it has been filled with mutual love and respect for my husband to be. We loved each other enough to save sex for the person we were going to marry, and to do that by waiting until the wedding night. Cheers to my fiance, for being everything I needed him to be!

Hurrah for the imminent end to my goal!

In 35 short days I will be married!

Can you all believe it? I am so excited I can hardly stand it! We just signed the lease for our first place together, and we will move in right after we get back from our honeymoon.

What a long journey… and it’s really just beginning.

I’m reading your comments, and I feel like I’m reading my own thoughts… two years ago.

I questioned my motives for this goal several times in the midst of my relationship. I’ve even had the same thoughts about the white dress and giving the bride away!

When it comes right down to it, only you can decide if you have the right motivations for finishing this goal. The hardest time to maintain this goal for me was when I knew I wanted to marry my boyfriend. We knew we were committed, we knew we wanted to be with only each other for the rest of our lives, and we knew we would get married. It cast a lot of doubt on my convictions. After all, one of the biggest reasons I decided to wait in the first place was to avoid multiple sexual partners. (No STD’s, no past commitments) Wasn’t I already doing that if we were going to get married (I reasoned)?

When I thought about it that way, it made it really easy for me to put all my other reasons on the backburner and tell myself they weren’t as important. After all, its just an antiquated custom, right? Value of the virgin and all that sexist jazz. Plus, I knew plenty of couples that were way less in love than us having sex, so why shouldn’t we get to have it? I felt jipped.

But was it just that, or was it because it was easier to quit and get the prize early?

After serious evaluation (and a lot of prayer), I decided it was right for me. It was still important for me to feel like I was doing what God wanted for me. And not just that, but to do it for myself and know I was strong enough to follow through on my goal.

Don’t get me wrong, I have never condemned others for their sexual choices. I believe everyone has their own choices to make about what they want… but I knew what I wanted deep down. I knew that on some level I would always be disappointed that we couldn’t make it to the last level. That’s what truly did it for me.

And the marriage stuff? My dress is a champagne ivory color because it goes better with my skin-tone, and my mom and dad will “give me away” because I want them to both share the intimacy of the moment with me. What people think I have or haven’t done is of no consequence, because my fiancé and I know the level of commitment we made to each other when we embarked on the journey to complete this goal after the alter.

I don’t think it has anything to do with my value as a person. The value thing is outdated. I am more than a virgin daughter with a dowry. We’re doing it for ourselves, and for God. I want that wedding night and everything it promises.

And before anyone jumps on me and says, “Here we go again, the old standby that God wants me to…” read some of my previous posts. There are many very logical, and nonreligious reasons that support waiting until marriage.

If it really isn’t right for you, it is your choice to make… but please seriously consider it before you take the final step. You can always “re-commit”, but it will never be the first time again.

If you really want it, it is possible. Good luck out there to all my fellow virgins and reborn virgins!

Wedding planning is moving along well, and I am doing my best to keep us honest. We have our honeymoon all set up, and quite frankly I am excited as can be! I try not to think about it too much, but it’s certainly on the edges of my thoughts.

It isn’t hard to keep myself occupied though: school, work, martial arts, and the rest of the world moves on around me. Time is flying by so fast! In a few short months I’ll be done with college, starting a new job, and a Mrs.! (squeal of excitement!)

Hey all!

Wondering why I haven’t posted in a while? I have been busy beyond busy… I worked two jobs this summer, got my black belt in tae kwon do, and started planning my wedding.

That’s right! We set the date for May 24th 2009, right after I graduate from college. I am super excited! There is so much to do, and it is all working toward one goal: spending the rest of my life with the man I can’t stop thinking about.

We’ve come so far together… and I can’t imagine a better ending to my ‘single’ years than marrying my best friend.

But before I get that far I have a lot to do, so I had better get going! Thanks for all of your support… you are all amazing. :)

So, we’ve broken up and it isnt that bad. A mutual understanding is what we came to. I thought I feel feelings of anguish and remorse but I actually feel light! Like a heavy ball and chain has been lifted off my ankle. Im single again and it feels so good and…...right!
Just when I thought I’d spend some time focusing on ME, an unexpected visitor walks into my life and sweeps me off my feet…literally! We practically grew up together but never spoke. Our parents are best friends and we went to the same church and highschool but our paths never crossed. He was the jock, I was the um…goody two shoes, who got good grades was still cool with the cool kids. So he calls me up out the blue and says he has to see me. Puzzled and all I respond letting him know he can come by. He’s all smiles as he approaches me and I wonder what this is about. The essence of the short epistle he unravels is that he likes me. It’s summer and flings are a given. But this…what was about to happen was more than just a fling.
Funny thing is that I liked him back. Strange right. Yet as he said those words it was if something clicked! We spent all summer soaking up each other’s company. It was surreal! He kept saying that. Then came the thing I dreaded the most…the end of summer! Fortunately we’re still interested in getting to know more about each other. He seems real serious about this and I want to be as well. Here I go again back into another long distance relationship…am I falling too fast? This feels so right though. I’ve never felt this way about a guy….it’s crazy. In spite of it all, my goal to remain chaste until marriage is very clear.

After dating my borfriend of two years, I’ve realized that we were growing apart. I didnt feel the same about him and he was behaving differently. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder but I but my experience certainly proves otherwise….sigh. On second thought I thought that I was tempted to stick it out and try to patch things up. But I feel absolutely nothing for this guy anymore. So I ended it. He’s a great guy nonetheless so I hope he makes some other girl happy. I gotta be true to myself and him.

Guess what?

I’m engaged! I’m so happy and so in love! Do you know what this means? In one short year I will be done waiting! I am officially 4/5 done. I have waited four entire years (+ 18 of being single) to have sex and I only have one year to go. One year!

I get to plan a beautiful wedding with the man I love, and at the end of all the planning we get our reward for patience: No STD’s, no comparisons, no babies, just the beginning of our life together in all ways. I can’t imagine a better start for the two of us.

I know this last year will be hard, but I don’t care. We have dealt with hard, and we can do it and make it to the end. No one thought we could do this, and we are going to. I can’t even begin to explain how proud of my fiance I am. The fact that we were willing to commit ourselves to this goal together makes me feel like we can commit to our marriage entirely.

And do you want to know the best part? I feel like through our relationship, we have inspired others to follow the same path. My boyfriend’s (oops, I mean my fiance’s) little sister is waiting. I don’t know if she’ll wait until marriage but she is waiting for love! That is something in this day and age! And my best friend from college has decided that in her next relationship, she will not have sex until marriage. How great is that?

I have helped some people I am very close to see how great this goal can be. No matter what they choose to do, in the end I feel like they will take sex that much more seriously. I have proved my point the only way I can: practice.

And now I can’t wait for the reward! I am so excited and thrilled to be engaged to this man, he is who I want and I am who he wants. So yay for us, and for all the others who are closing in on this goal! It is possible, and I’ll let you know in a year if it was worth the wait. ;)

A few interesting quotes that gave me some food for thought:

A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is…. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in.
~C.S. Lewis

You must admit you have self-control before you can use it.
~Carrie Latet

Nothing makes it easier to resist temptation than a proper bringing-up, a sound set of values—and witnesses. ~Franklin P. Jones

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell. ~Author Unknown