a good day to remember the importance of this. It has been full of emotional twists and turns and it isn’t yet noon.
My mind, heart, and spirit feel unbalanced. Self-talk is very negative, I feel incredibly sad and lonely, and my back is very sore. I have stretched and cried and stretched and cried. The only thing left for me to do now I s to let go and breathe.
We are all packed up ready to go to the city for the day and hubby needs us to make a detour an hour north. City is south. Going to be a day of a lot of driving. Somehow this feels very okay and comforting to me. I will be able to be still inside and yet be in motion.
One moment at a time. 1 month ago
a work was a whirlwind. Baby Fi was with my folks along with B. Each day at work I had to keep focused on what was directly in front of me. 16 months ago
and smiled. That was almost 4 years ago. I can’t say the same of today. In fact, as I was browsing my list it occurred to me that this may be one of my most difficult daily goals.
Just tonight I found myself getting very riled up over the most recent antics of my co-worker. She drives me nuts! I just need to breathe, breathe, breathe through this. It will pass. AND I have to remember:
“she is doing the best she is able to do at her current level of consciousness”
It is what it is… 20 months ago
about being a mama is that I find it easier and almost necessary to let go and be present in each moment. S has changed my life in so many ways. I no longer give priority to my daily tasks and to-do’s. His needs come first. Several times a day I am reminded that the laundry can wait, the answering machine can pick up the incoming call, and my computer time isn’t THAT important. Inevitably as soon as I begin something, he gives a cry or murmur beckoning my love and attention. For him, I stop and become available. Hopefully this new approach will be long-lasting because I am finding myself less stressed and more content. 5 years ago
visiting parents and so far it’s been okay. Hubby is helping me out a great deal by letting me know when I am picking at my mom or getting conflict brewing. Somehow I have a knack for both those things.
I have had one mini cry session when we first arrived and after that I’ve been doing well going with the flow. Hubby is verbalizing to me some of what he is seeing happening when my parents “over accomodate” and he has told me that it’s starting to make him uncomfortable. I did speak up tonight when a potential conflict situation occurred with my dad and the end result was good. I find that I am more able to speak up and deal with these issues when they arise if I pay attention to what’s happening now. The answer always lies in the present. 5 years ago
and the week ended up on a positive note.
Things came to a head on Friday morning and we hashed things out as our family does. Honesty was key, feedback was candidly given, and I did a hell of a lot of listening.
Most important out of this discussion came the fact that regardless of my intentions, sometimes my words hurt the feelings of my parents. I went from feeling ultra-stressed to ultra-awful to ultra-relieved in a matter of hours. The discussion was necessary to get us moving forward and into a direction that feels healthy and good. One of the big things that I’m still working through right now is letting go of the guilt I feel. Sometimes I feel as if I am a horrible daughter. This feeling isn’t anything new and the self-pity really doesn’t benefit me at all.
One baby step at a time. We will see my parents in a month when we travel to Michigan and we all agreed that having jumped this hurdle is a step in the right direction. 5 years ago
My parents are visiting this week and I’m finding it very difficult to maintain my groove. I think it’s a mix of lifestyle differences and slipping back into old habits. The longer we are here in California, the more I see us growing into ourselves the way we want and need to be. Somehow this seems to be different (or at least appear to be) from how we were raised.
Today I reached a breaking point and just vented to hubby for about 15 minutes! I told him that I feel like each step I take I am digging myself deeper into a hole. I am not sure how to move forward and feel myself getting stressed out.
So while they are catching up on world news, I decided to log on to 43T and I remembered that I once had this as a goal. I decided that this is simply my answer. It’s not about what further actions I need to take, but letting go of the need to control. I need to ride these waves as they come and not react emotionally. I also need to not be too hard on myself. 5 years ago
I feel like I am achieving this daily by being aware when I step out of the present and bringing myself back. I am at a low-stress time right now and it feels good. 6 years ago
has been so fulfilling! I started back at work this past week, though it’s a slow start. We have the month to set up the classroom and get to know one another better. Having a break from classes has made all the difference. I feel relaxed. The kinks are slowly leaving my body and my shoulders are relaxing. Ahhhh… 6 years ago
to be away from home for a while. I have really enjoyed reconnecting with my mom and dad. It’s nice to not have much of an agenda, but just be with one another. We’ve done some yardwork and cooking and talked/visited. I miss hubby, though, and really wish he could be here too.
While I’ve been away he has had a job interview. He should find out next week whether he’s offered the position. I hope he get the offer – he sounds so excited about the prospect. I want him to be happy enough to stop looking for jobs. I imagine that the biggest shift will come when the legal shit is finalized, but until then I would love for him to be excited about his work and invested fully.
It’s been a long transition since we moved to California, yet I feel like we are sinking in and it’s more and more becoming home. I have thought a lot about it while being here in the town where I was raised. No matter how much I miss my parents, I can’t see us being back here. I think we are where we need to be. 6 years ago