give myself a pep talk

...about a number of friends here on 43-T who are struggling with various health issues, and about several real-life friends who are also struggling. But worrying isn’t going to help them or me. Time to let it go, turn it over, and turn my attention to something else. Trust.

I was out and about this morning and early afternoon, and right now I feel very low on energy and completely unable to face the piles of papers on the dining room floor.

Note to self: It’s OK, self, to be tired. You did work a long time yesterday. Why don’t you take a break for a little while right now? Not for the whole rest of the day, but for a little while. Then, don’t think about what you can’t do. Think about what you can do. Pick out some little bitty baby step that seems manageable for today.

It’s time to get to work. This is your inner coach and cheerleader talking, and agreeing with your inner critic. You’ve got an hour this morning to get something done, and you can do something, even if it’s just a tiny babystep. Then when it’s time to go out, it will feel like a reward rather than an escape. You’ll feel a sense of accomplishment rather than a sense of guilt and foreboding.

Come on. You can do this! I know you can. See if you can find and spend an hour with your inner organizer. I know she’s in here too, along with me and the rest of the committee in your head.

How about starting with that pile of bills?

I think I can still get through with tracking March expenses before dinner. I’m going to give it a try!

You have less than an hour to keep working on de-cluttering.

You’ve done great so far, even though you think you haven’t. You’ve sorted through some stuff on your desk. You’ve sorted through some stuff in the kitchen. Now you’ve got some piles lying here on your office floor. Almost all this stuff is going to stay here in your office. It needs a home, permanent or temporary, off the floor, in a file or in your desk or in your wallet or in the garbage can or whatever. Somewhere other than the floor.

Your challenge is to get it back up off the floor within the next 45 minutes. You can do it. Just do the best you can. Whatever isn’t done can go back into a new stack on top of your desk, but it will be sorted, and at least you now know what’s there.

All right. (Deep breath.) Ready, set, go!

...will make New Isabella feel depressed at the end of the day.

I’ve been playing for hours now. Time for a babystep or two tonight. Let me see if I can at least open my mail, put it away, and track today’s expenses. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…

OK, Self. You’re getting a late start today. How about paying just one bill tonight, and opening up just one piece of the old mail? Just try for a babystep or two tonight. Babysteps are good.

It’s time to FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAYS.

It’s time to spend a few minutes looking at this scary pile of old mail here in the office.

You don’t have to spend all day doing it. How about at least 15 minutes?

You can do it. And that fear won’t go away until you do.

Right now is the time to find a place for your mail, and open it up, and track your expenses for yesterday and today.

Remember, even though you’re tired right now, you can do at least a little baby step or two. Don’t tell yourself that you’ll feel less tired by this evening. You won’t. That’s an excuse and a lie. You know that.

Remember, too, that if you just get a little bit done this afternoon, you’ll feel better about yourself this evening, and have at least a tiny sense of accomplishment, instead of guilt about more procrastination.

You can do just a little bit this afternoon. I know you can.

You need to sit down and settle down and focus on getting these notes finished this morning.

You don’t need to judge yourself for forgetting about them and for waiting until the last minute, or for trying to do too much yesterday and feeling tired this morning.

You don’t need to think about how many times in the past you’ve waited until the last minute, or speculate on the future, and day-dream about how you’ll do better next time, or predict that you’re hopeless, you can’t learn, you’ll never change.

None of that will help you. The only thing that will help is to pay attention to getting this month’s notes done this morning.

You can do this. I know you can.