Fight a bear.

Because bears are the number one threat to America.

I’m gunna try this. I’ve set up a bet with my friends. Rules are: 5-inch folding knife and nothing else for me, but the bear can’t be taller than me when standing and has to be a black bear.

I just want to duke it out with a fuckin bear. Not a humongous one, but not a baby either. One that when it stands up comes to about eye level with me so around 6’. No weapons, anything goes.

Steps
1) Train for it, gym, martial arts, meditation, learn about the type of bear you wish to fight.
2) Speak to a psych.
3) Resolve any lingering personal issuse you have with family and friends.
4) Revisit the psych.
5) Know where the bear will be.
6) Go to the supermarket and buy blue paint (toxic is fine, non toxic would be best if you do in fact get lucky)
7) Also buy four rump steaks.
8) approach the bears habitat, if by car listen to ‘eye of the tiger’. If by foot sing ‘eye of the tiger’ as loud as you can.
9)Make your peace with God.
10) strip off, paint yourself blue. fix the rump steaks to your body with electrical tape. Also attach the receipt for the paint to your body.
11) Enter the woods.
12) As for the fight you would probably be best to locate a baby bear and just punch it in the face, mamma will do the rest. It won’t bee much of a fight.
13) Scatter yourself liberally about the forest making a great mess.
14) If you do survive make sure you tell the doctors if you used paint that contained lead. If you are unable to talk after you have been mauled its a good thing that you have the reciept stuck to your body and that doctors are smart. If that part of your body was removed during the fight, you’re probably licked anyway.

I want to throw a net over one and put a headlock on it and choke it out.

I recently learned that my great grandfather, while walking in the woods, came across a man who was being attacked by a black bear while chopping firewood. As the bear and woodsman went at it, unawair of my grandfather’s presence, the old man picked up the woodsman’s axe and chopped down upon the back of the bear’s head, killing it and saving the woodsman’s life. I feel that it is my responsability to uphold my family tradition of hand to hand bear killing.

I was in Sequoia – where they have quite a problem with camp-invading black bears. I arrived after dark, and as camp was being set up a bear came along and tried to steal some of the food.

Maybe it was because one of my camping companions was blind and I felt compelled to protect her, maybe it wsa because I was tired and hungry and desiring the food that Mr. Bear was stealing; something altered my judgement at that moment.

I charged the bear ready for confrontation. Clearly he understood who he was up against because he dropped the booty and ran. So really I haven’t fought a bear; though I was quite willing he backed down.

I just want to fight any bear, even a trained bear, without a weapon or armor or anything, at best a knife, i have alot of bears in my backyard but…well when it comes down to face to face with a giant bear, youd really rather take a trained one on, so thats probably the best place to start is with a trained bear

I do want to kill the bear! I’m going to use a spear. I might make armor, probably out of football gear and leather. I hope I can video tape it.
I’m going to start a website and this is where I’m going to document it:
Team-Adventure.org

Man, I don’t even want a weapon. I want to punch that bear in the face with my fist. I want to hit it in the neck to confuse it, grab the fish it took out of the river, and run.