learn to love myself so I can love somebody else

I want to learn to love myself before I can love someone else I am in a very good relationship but I am afraid to tell him when thing bother me I know he loves me and I do love him but I have never been loved or told I was loved except by him and mu children now I may hve pushed him away because I didn’t know how to love please help me!!!

for the last 2 weeks I woke up and looked in the mirror and loved me. I am not 40 pounds thinner, I do not look any different but I feel differently towards the woman I see in the mirror.

Lovely butterfly.

without wine, I love me.

that the greatest ting I can do about this goal is respect myself. If I don’t respect myself, if I let others disrespect me without sticking up for myself, then I will nto grow in this area. I need to feel that I am worth it. I am worth fighting for. I think that defending myself will be the first recognizable act of loving myself. I have come a long way in doing this. I have let too many people walk all over me in the past but that has been changing and I just don’t allow it any longer.

as I learn more about myself, as my self-esteem grows, and particularly after an insightful conversation with a co-worker yesterday, I feel a greater value for myself. I feel that as I have learned to respect myself more, it corelates to loving myself more.

I know motherly love, I hope. But romantic love is not so clear.

After a long discussion with a friend about teh differences and the similarities between sexual vulnerability and emotional vulnerability it got me to thinking if i really knew love at all. One very messed up marriage that showed me what love “was not” did not clearly demonstrate what love really is. Is scares me to think that I have been married twice and still not really know what love is. Every memory of men in my life, shows signs of hurt, lies, betrayal. That men oly want sex, not love. My mother kinda drilled that one in our head when my sister and I were young. She still says that to me and she is going to be 70! I feel a sadness for her that she believes this. I keep holding onto hope that she is wrong. But I see indications that she is right all the time. Where is the love? Is there really such a thing? And then I spoke to a man at break who explained what love meant to him and how he showed it. how devastated he was when he and his wife divorced. I saw a little light. Here is a man who proves my mother wrong.

I read a beautiful entry yesterday of somebody being brave in allowing herself to be loved. It was beautiful. I long for a love like that. I wonder if it will ever happen for me. I am afraid that I still don’t know how to believe it will.

I would believe that this is a sign of loving myself. I am doing this more with my improved self esteem. I am a little more open with people, not so worried about judgements from other people. I know that I will stand behind myself more so I have no fear of making statements that are not the most popular view.

I am forgiving myself. I am taking care of myself. I am becoming more aware of my gifts, my talents, I am being kind to me. . I am not living in a state of self illusion. Taking care of my physical needs, emotional needs and planning my future. I am creating opportunities. I feel more deserving.

I am learning to accept love.I am truly learning to love me, like I have loved my children, like I would love somebody else. The way I want to be loved.

I figured out today why I have had more affairs than actual relationships in the 4 Why I believe that somebody who is already in a relationship is better to get hooked up with. They will have less opportunity to hurt me. They don’t want to get out of the relationship they are in, so I am expecting nothing from them. They are execting nothing from me. And if they get too close, it is easy to push them away. I just don’t answer the phone. I become too busy. What are they going to do, stand outside my door?

I figured out today that I don’t trust people wiht my heart. I realize that I have been hurt by every relationship I have been in up to this point. From my very first boyfriend, right on through two husbands. I have picked men who haved cheated or lied to me.

I want to be loved and equally important, I want to love. I first need t learn how to trust. I need to risk. I am afraid that I will never know how to do this.

I don’t even know where to start.

I really love me.