speak up

So far, I think I’m getting better at this. I almost thought my boss was going to fire me that one time.

I still want to gain courage to do anything I want to. 5 months ago

I was voted ‘most quietest’ my senior year of high school. Everyone knew me obviously, but I didn’t have any friends, was shy, awkward, etc. I am smart and I graduated with a 4.03 gpa but I am so much more vocal now, although, there are SOME people who still see me as shy. I was realizing tonight how different I am now. This man at Hardees didn’t give me a fork, dressing, napkins for the salad I ordered and walked off in drive through-ignoring me. I waited 30 secs before honking. A year ago I would not have don’t this, rationalizing that I have the stuff at home. But you know what, I shouldn’t have to take it. I PAID for a salad that COMES with utensils and dressing AND I WILL GET IT. I’m not going to be a pushover anymore because it never gets you anywhere. 5 months ago

This goal (as I initially intended it) was a success. I feel like I am talking to the boyfriend more, especially as the date of our moving in together approaches.

In regards to my sister, I feel there needs to be a boundary put in place. I need to limit her access to me. Therefore I will send or respond to her 3 messages/day via email. Reasonable, right?

Then at work I stepped in a huge steaming pile of it today. The most frustrating part is I know better. It’s not that big of a deal—my ego is only bruised. Character-building. 6 months ago

I overheard one of my neighbors talking about someone; I have a pretty good idea she was talking about me. She said my behavior was stand-offish & weird. It hits a nerve in me. This is not the first time I’ve heard this or the first person I’ve heard this from—it goes wayyy back. You would think I would be used to it by now, but it still hurts just as bad as when I heard it for the very first time. 7 months ago

I’m still not doing this. I think I’m too afraid of doing it “wrong” or what other people will think of me & say about me as a result, which is pretty silly because I have no control over that. I need to give myself permission to do this imperfectly—maybe even badly… 8 months ago

Sometimes I think it’s so not worth it, & things would be a lot better if I just walked away, unfortunately. 9 months ago

unfortunately they are after the fact. 11 months ago

I hate feeling like it’s pulling teeth for my boyfriend to get a verbal response from me, but my mind just goes blank sometimes. It’s mortifying. I get frustrated with myself, so I can’t imagine how he feels. 11 months ago

WEll I’m certainly learning to speak up with my boyfriend. In fact too often I speak too much and he is just the opposite and likes to keep quiet about everything. So this is quite difficult. And I’m good at being able to talk to other people like my friends just not so much my boss and higher ups. I’m working on it though. 16 months ago

exercise:
speak up once a week.
lesson to be learned:
nothing bad is gonna happen, + maybe something good is gonna happen. 19 months ago