OMG, it’s July 1st. No proposal. Close to just submitting anything, and I made a deadline for myself last Friday that I did not hit. Partly a result of life being ridiculous (cancelled sitters for watching my boys for me….car maintenance gone bonkers) and partly me somewhat-usual-but-not-completely-the-usual amount of “What the hell do I say?”
But I have this entire project in my head but the actual writing is tripping me up. The INTRO is tripping me up. As if that matters, but it seems to frame the project in subtlety different ways. And that holds me back. I won’t even bother expanding on the inability to tap keys at times problem I have….
July 1st. I mean, the clock is almost working against me. Of course, that’s typically when I get anything done, especially writing, but this is getting serious. 4 years ago
Yes, it is May ‘10 and this is not finished. Oy. Or written. And recently I had the few days of “I am quitting…this isn’t going to get done…there must be something else I can and should be doing…wow this feeling of peace and acceptance from letting it go is refreshing…”
But I can’t stop. I have to finish and see this through. I need to address the mood problem I have, but fortunately the intensity of my family going through hell and back (like 5 major life changes issues all in the span of 8+ months) has subsided a bit.
Oddly for me, I have struggled to see the vision of the project ever ending. Well, I have not been able to see the beginning. That might be more accurate. But on Saturday, I actually started writing something. I mean like reakly starting the flow of an intro. I found a bit of my voice. I was finally able to cut through a mess of maladaptive expectations, and by writing essentially about my relation to the topic, it began.
Super sick (wth, it’s May?!) and about to have 2 very long days as daddy daycare, but I am getting a tad bit excited and hopeful.
More soon. 4 years ago
Ugh, I look back on the entry two weeks ago and think, ‘was I really feeling optimistic?’ I went on vacation to reward my hard work and got sick on day 2, so three days laying around sick in a hotel that cost me $100 a night that has turned into an entire week off of work! So I have done nothing for two full weeks and I am going to have to work like a dog this Saturday to have any hope! Ugh! 4 years ago
Coming along swimmingly now that I have shelled out $$$$ for a dissertation coach. It really is worth the money to get me un-stuck. If I would work on the weekends instead of procrastinating, this would be going much quicker. 4 years ago
I’ll recommend to anyone the dissertation calculator at University of Minnesota, just plug in the date you want to be finished by and it gives you the deadline dates to monitor your progress for you. It can be found at: http://www.lib.umn.edu/help/disscalc/ 5 years ago
and not plans. This is good for me because I usually don’t accomplish things on my crazy time line then I feel bad when I don’t hit my target. So on tomorrow’s list is to hit the UNO library because they have a book I need, which means a two hour round trip. To top it off, I can’t check the book out without leaving a $100 deposit, which is ridiculous, but since I’m not a student there, I guess they have no way of claiming the funds should I abscond with a book on the roots of constructivist educational practice. I’m sure they have that problem with a lot of insomniacs. I am waiting on a dissertation from Florida State (which will have to go to MN before it comes here to New Orleans, and then they will charge me an arm and a leg for postage). I am hoping that it contains THE formula for my methodology! If I can use someone elses methodology, I might be able to move forward . . . July MUST NOT BE WASTED!!!!!!! 5 years ago
And I have to say it feels good! I’ve had a whopping 10 days off since 2005! Who can keep this pace! I am reading, reading, reading and thinking, thinking, thinking about a design. I really want to finish a proposal by September 30, which is over the top ambitious and I really need to get going on!!! 5 years ago
As an ex-whitewater river guide, River has taught me many things, possibly even more once I stopped guiding. So this is one of my main metaphors for this project. And I have some things lined up, like meds (!), time, and almost a bit of clarity. Drop me in the river dammit, because I know how to navigate and survive WITH holding on to a sense of wonder and awe while I’m in it.
Now (here comes Mr. Excuse) if only this neuropsych testing report would go away so I could just focus on this proposal…hard to cook and run a river, so having two big things at once is a reasonable cough excuse.
But I’m all for nudging others if in fact I can get nudged, too! Let’s have substantial (all??) portions of our proposals done by Monday, August 31, 2009. I’m done with my Internship on Friday, August 28, so I’m allotting a day or so to party and recover. It’s the least I can do after being torn about this year.
By the way, I also do not know what the final form will look like either. Qualitative is the direction I’m leaning, but if I can do a quantitative project, that would be cool, too. I haven’t done one full-bore before, and I’d like the experience. Of course, the best dissertation is a DONE dissertation, and I also have the option of doing a program design/evaluation that would line up what I would do with data, but by proposing a program, I don’t have to actually carry it out. A bit more work on the front end (proposal) but a great project nonetheless, and it might be something I can actually implement (like my own little business plan).
Ok, start paddling. “All ahead!” 5 years ago
I am out of excuses, the summer is here, ABD status is calling -MUST WRITE PROPOSAL!!!! Research reading needs a schedule starting next week when the elementary school year ends. I am going to be over ambitious and try to blitz it from June-September, because if I don’t, I have no idea how I will do data collection. I still don’t have a real design in mind, and hoping that the readings are going to make this really clear. My streams are professional development, constructivism, transfer, and whatever fluffy writing will get me the credential the quickest. That’s right folks, I need to get our before I completely lose my sanity and I don’t care how good it is!!! 5 years ago
Wow, that’s a great thing to mention. The past month has been filled with what really amounts to is hopelessness. So I think hope is relevant here.
I just had an image that might help just a bit. Imagine clicking “I’m Done” next to this goal on some random 43things.com website. Wow would that be sweet!
Of course, I have a fellow pre-doc intern who’s defending today and will be all done. Doesn’t do much for feeling good about how “far behind” I am, but she and I have much different life circumstances. Nonetheless, I want . . . this . . . done. 5 years ago