let people in

I praise myself on never letting people in,
on never investing myself enough emotionally to get hurt,
and on never being that girl who sits at home crying over a boy.

it’s a load of bullshit.
I’m one of the weakest people I know. The only reason I have this guard up is because I’ve been hurt in the past, and I hate that feeling of rejection, humiliation. I don’t even like trying to get to know people anymore, because my pessimistic nature leads me to believe it’ll be just a waste of time, like all the others.
the girls who have the ability to put their guard down, to let a guy in, even if it provokes the possibility of getting hurt, are the strong ones. the girls who maybe cry over a guy, but then pick themselves up, prevail through the tough times, and continue to to put themselves out there, those are the females who exhibit the greatest strenght.
my friends have always told me they admire my ability to never think twice about a guy who hurt me, my ability to never let anyone get the best of me.
the truth is, I admire my friends, and any other gal who can put her guard down.
because letting somebody into your heart, even when the possibility of being hurt lingers within the air, that takes great strenght and courage.
-to letting people in, goal number 1.

i don’t have an issue with this anymore. i don’t really care what people think about me and the fact that i have problems. i’m happy to share them with other people. and hopefully they can help me with them to better myself.

wow. this has always been an insanely difficult thing for me to grasp, but lately i’ve just been giving myself to people. who cares if they listen or not? maybe they can just learn from me if they can’t help me.. i can always help myself. but it feels good to open up.

i’m so absolutely terrified of making friends and trusting people. i need to work on this. i hate that i never let anyone in. trust is important and i want to feel it..

After a bad relationship I built these walls around me and didn’t let anyone in. Since then I’ve come to realise that it’s not all about me letting people in. If people want to be part of my life they will break down the walls too. That is what my boyfriend did. We started out as friends, he saw me get hurt, and as I began to let down some of my defences he fought his way through the remaining walls and into my heart. Sounds corny, but it’s true.

I LOVE ME I LOVE ME

This one is going well but it has taken a little while.

I have let some people in, such as coming out to a couple people at work. This has worked for me, to a certain extent.

The second part of getting this done was to realize more about my personality. I’m a bit introverted, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t have to become a social butterfly because that’s just not me.

The third part of getting this done was to know that I don’t have to let everybody in. To the homophobic racists idiots I meet, some of whom I have to work with, well I’ll just walk away and ignore them. I don’t have to let anybody in that I don’t want to.

Also, I think that I hide who I really am from people, but I have realized that this is not true. They see what they need to see of me. All the bad qualities that I was afraid to let anyone see, this isn’t actually badness in me, I was just judging myself too harshly, because I grew up with a VERY critical parent.

I am a veritable social butterfly. And yet, no one knows me because I simply refuse to let them.

I am cowardly and selfish, and I won’t share myself for fear of what may happen.

Well. That sucks. It’s stupid of me and I hate doing stupid things.

I’m going to learn to let people in—which means I am going to learn to trust them. It’s not fair for me to expect something from other people that I am not willing to do myself

That means I have a good amount of friends, but I’m mmore private, quieter than most of them. I’ve never really told people everything that has crossed my mind, or everything they wanted to know. Right this second, though, I’m having a pretty deep conversation with one of my best friends telling him anything he wants to know. It takes a great deal of trust, but I’m doing it!! I can’t cross this off yet, though because I want to be able to trust more people this much. Soon…soon…