Finally we get a banner of doom. I’ve downloaded all my entries, backed everything up and moved over to PopClogs (because heaven knows I need a way to motivate myself!). 43Things has been such a wonderful place with such wonderful people. I’m so sad to see it go. 5 months ago
Entries from everyone
This is the end, my only friend, the end.
And so 43Things slowly fades out. With everyone slowly moving onto PopClogs and whatnot and 43Things steadily getting emptier and sadder. The photos have disappeared. I’ve downloaded all of my entries and it will soon all be gone.
I’m so sad.
I’m gonna miss this place so much, and all of the lovely people that come with it! Come find me on PopClogs! 5 months ago
I haven’t disappeared from 43Things completely. I’ll be here until the end. But I am trying to make the transition more smooth by posting on PopClogs.com (If you’ve not come and followed me already, do so!) as goldilocksrocks
You should all definitely head over to PopClogs. It’s not 43Things by any means but it’s great and it’ll do. While I was editing one of the names of my goals today I noticed that they have options to put a time limit thing on your goals and one of them is ‘before I Pop My Clogs’ and now the name of the website makes perfect, kinda adorable sense!
I hope to see you all over there soon ♥♥♥ 5 months ago
My past haunts me in ways I never prepared myself to face. It’s nowhere near as dramatic as I make that sound.
I’ll be caught by a sudden ‘oh shit’ realisation that a present problem is caused by the past. And I fucking hate it.
I was so careful to rid myself of all of it. I went to so many precautions and put so much effort into ridding myself of all that ick but it’s still there. Lurking in the ripples that still remain from that time.
What’s worse is that I can do nothing about it.
However the good thing is that now I can recognise what is a product of my past and what is a product of my present which means that it is easier to deal with them. 7 months ago
So there I was, minding my own business fast asleep when suddenly I wake up. This in itself is not unusual but tonight really was.
I woke up and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t move my arms or sit up or move my head. No matter how much I tried I simply couldn’t move.
It was like my bones had turned to lead. I felt heavy. Heavy and also really warm. I tried to move, to sit up. I tried to turn my head to see what on earth was pinning me down. But I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried nothing happened. I could only move my eyes and make pathetic little squeaks.
When I could finally move I started crying. I was so terrified and shocked. When I had turned the light on and looked in the mirror I notices I had marks on my face. Big bluey splodges of colour scattered over my face. And there was a big egg-shapes red mark on my arm surrounded by what looked like a fading bruise.
I don’t know what happened. The only explanation I have is sleep paralysis. But now I’m tired and too scared to sleep.
I have enough trouble sleeping as it is; I find it incredibly hard to actually get to sleep and when I finally do I find that I’m riddled with nightmares and I constantly wake in the night.
Now I can add paralysis to my list of ‘reasons I really don’t want to go to bed’. 9 months ago
Maybe it’s that annoying British quality of taking responsibility for everything or perhaps my desire to avoid conflict that makes me apologise all the time. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been essentially brainwashed into thinking that I need to. Whatever the reason, I have a serious problem with apologising.
If I’m honest, my reasons for doing so are all of the above (and probably more) but mainly the latter.
Sometimes I do genuinely believe I have a reason to apologise and I think it through before I do so. But other times I just blurt it out. Those are the worrying times. I feel like an utter pillock when I say sorry and when asked ‘what for?’ I simply just don’t know. I’ve got to admit that it is almost concerning. The only thing stopping me from being like ‘woah now wtf is up with me?’ is that I already know the answer to that question.
It’s a habit. I said sorry so many times without really knowing why so much that it’s just become a habit. It normally happens when I’ve already apologised on purpose, or I’m feeling pretty shitty.
And I know that this might seem concerning but it’s not. If I meant it it would be, but most of the time that I blurt our random apologies I do not have a reason for doing so. Just that it is a habit for me to do so.
Habits are pretty hard to break, but this is one I want to stop. 9 months ago
You were one of the happiest creatures I ever met. You would always come and greet me when I came home, or when I left, you’d say hello and ask me how I was and you smiled when I gently stroked your head. You wouldn’t leave me alone when you were hungry and you were always so grateful when I fed you, no matter what it was. You were chatty and friendly and charming. Everyone thought you were charming. You were Tom Cat in real life, and we were your gang.
Nobody owned you. You owned all of us. We all did our best to make sure you were always safe, warm, well fed and loved. You united a close of people.
You were so brave. You endured scorching hot summers and icy cold winters. You dealt with torrential rain and hurricane force winds, often at the same time. Yet you were always so happy.
You will not be forgotten, not by any of us. With your loud cried for food and rough purrs when we showed your attention. With that signature ginger and white fur with the distinctive black patch. We will remember you for your bravery, your charm and cheek, your tenacity and your handsome face.
You were so loved and I think you knew that.
My last memory of you is one of you relaxing in a flower bed, leaning against the brick barrier and grooming in the sunlight. You seemed so relaxed and happy that it made me smile. I watched you for a while before carrying on my way. I was happy that you were happy. There is no other way I would want to remember your last day.
You were happy, loved and free. I cannot think of anything better. 9 months ago
Being strong isn’t about not crying or not being upset it’s about being upset and sad and crying but still getting through anyway.
It’s hard to believe that when you’re upset and sad and crying though.
I feel so low right now and I’m in such a dark place it’s difficult to see the positives without something tainting them. I’m trying though. That has to count for something about being strong. I really am trying to be positive and be okay.
Sometimes I have to accept that I need help. Someone to talk to, someone to tell me that everything will be okay. I think we all need that sometimes. I have to stop beating myself up about it. It is okay to tell someone that you need them and to ask for them to be there for you, especially if they are someone that love you. I know if someone I loved asked me to drop what they were doing and be there for them I would and I wouldn’t be angry so I shouldn’t expect it to be such a feat for them. It’s okay to ask. If I feel like I need to, I should. I can’t let myself get any deeper into my deep, dark hole of stupid gross emotions. 9 months ago
Let’s break this down.
As of now (16:25 on Sunday the 23rd February 2014) there are 39 days and 21 hours until the end of the next half term.
Six weeks. 40 days. Those six weeks consist of 30 working days and 10 weekend days.
That’s all I’ve got to do. Just focus on getting through those six weeks.
As Jamie said; Jamie Lent. 10 months ago
I have these peculiar fears that seem to be all I can think about today. Completely irrational thoughts that I just cannot seem to shake no matter how much I tell myself that they are idiotic and based on absolute bullshit I just cannot get rid of them.
Things are overwhelming and scary and I just want to be excited. 10 months ago