idkbrblollearned to ski
Things started out with me trembling at the top of the psycho bunny-hill. After-which came the “rope of death,” which would drag you, in whatever mangled position you and your skis could manage, back to the top for another round.
After getting the hang of that comes the beginner’s slope – a heart-skip of a slope twice as fast. It even has a small bump to jump off of whicle practicing your side-swishing… and grinning with pride when your favorite teacher says “good job.” (At the bottom of this hill, they’ve placed an even-bigger hill to stare up into while you get to look into the blank stares of the lost souls who’ve just come off of it.)
When you’ve mastered your bowels and decide to tackle this, you get to the top and try maintaining your balance as you peer over the edge, holding this foot over the ledge, then that foot over the ledge; then with both feet swinging. This is the hill you actually learn to side-swish as a very-real way to save your own life and the life of any stray moose or mammoth that may get in the path of your descent, btw.
Finally you feel confident and safe in your capabilities, and can breathe a sigh of relief knowing you’ll be safe in bed at the end of the day; [Carefully note the deceptive word, “feel”.] – as there are the stares and expectations of one’s peers – peering at you… expectantly.
You glance over to the Lunatic Lunge. (You’ve been avoiding glancing that way all this time now.) “You’ve learned so much since breakfast,” you think. It’s the same height; only a little steeper. And if I start out on my butt, I’ll be that much closer to the bottom.
You go for it.
And before you have time to think, “I think I can handle this,” (which takes all-off .9364 seconds, right), you find that someone “not in their right-minds” has strapped rocket(s!) to your back and ignited them!! Apparently they’ve also prepared the ice-covered (invisible ice) slope, {if you want to call it a “slope” at this point}, with greased freeking lightning!!
So I’m flaming down this hill ,(“my screams will probably catch me at the bottom”). I’m off-balance on this foot, then I’m off-balance on that foot. The peripheral scenery is a wonderful shade of blur. Too slippery to steer. I look ahead, calculating the intermingling crowd-movements.
“Two of them!”
“Collision-course!!”
(“Kinda pretty!”)
[“How did I know that?”]
“Look out!”
I clip one with my shoulder, absorb the blow by twisting my torso, which gives me a chance to look back at her and say “Sorry! [“I think I avoided hurting her, at least. :-)”] Now my balance is “shot”. “Can’t recover from this;” I’m going down. “Just go limp.” {{tumble, tumble, tumble, etc. etc. etc. “sky, ground, sky, ground…”}}
I stop tumbling. At least I’m on my back (as I remember it). I’ll stop sliding in several feet.
The girls come skiing up to me like pros; somehow stopping right beside me in mid-air! “I think she’s going to say something” – I hope one of my classmates can see this – this pretty girl’s going to talk to me!
“Oh my God he’s bleeding.” [Preparatory breath for important message: Never say to someone on their back: “Oh my God he’s bleeding,” ok?](Not that it worried me any; just for someone else who it might have worried; right? ok.)
Anyway, they got the snowmobile out to me, said it was “the snow-snake,” and got me back to the hot-chocolate and let me rest.
Everything was okay and I started planning an afternoon of smooth-sailing!
. 8 months ago
