doing well on this for some time. I feel like I have been less and less negative. I mean, yes, I have my bad days and crappy moments, but I try my absolute best o find the good or silver lining in each and every one. A couple of years go, I was a hot mess, and was wallowing in pain in loss. It was not a fun time, but I am doing better now.
I have been in and out of a very mild depression (maybe just a mix of nutrition/supplement/social interaction/sleep deficiencies), but, even with that popping in and out, I have been doing pretty well.
With new changes in my life on the education/career front, I feel even better about being positive. I don’t normally like change, but I am embracing it and going to go where the winds take me…with a smile on my face. :)
I have may more upcoming goals geared towards positive vibes that will take this one’s place after this entry. I think I feel confident enough to mark this goal as complete.
Yay me. <3 1 week ago
Tonight is the final show of this season’s The Biggest Loser. I am writing this as i watch it. I am not one to watch all the reality shows, but this one is special for me.
About 8 years ago, I was just like those people on the show. I was much bigger than I am now and tipped the scales at about 265 lbs. I was on a diet. I called it a see-food diet. I saw food and I ate it. With the help of Weight Watchers, I lost a lot of the pounds. I took part in this program with a bunch of co-workers. I was one of the biggest in the group and they all called me “The Biggest Loser”. My motto then was, “The key to losing a lot weight, is to HAVE a lot of weight.”
But what I like about the TV show, is watching the transformation of everyone. Not only physically, but more so the attitude and confidence of all of them. They all come in with such doubt and despair. But seeing them all now!! They look amazing and to see those smiling faces. That is almost more amazing. They have their lives back and ahead of them. It is so cool to watch.
I’m rooting for Jackson. He is a cool kid with so much enthusiasm and energy. (I even voted for him on-line. I don’t do things like that either.)
So I am going to sit back now and enjoy the rest of the show. Enjoy all those great smiles these people are showing. How happy they all are. Maybe think a little about what great, healthy dinner I will make tomorrow.
Oh, I’m down to 174 lbs now. And no more see food dieting either. I am positive about that. 2 months ago
The last straw came when I learned ON FACEBOOK that one of them moved to NYC last week and didn’t even bother to tell me. Then I realized that I haven’t seen my so-called best friend since SEPTEMBER, and that this shit has been going on for so many years that it’s somehow become normal for us to not speak for months on end.
I was hospitalized for mental issues for a week in October, and I’ve seen neither of these friends since then. This is when I’ve needed them more then ever, but they haven’t been there for me at all, beyond a cursory “hope you’re okay” text after I got out.
I have one amazing friend left, and one I need to make more of an effort with. So I’m done with the other two. I have a feeling I’ll be better off for it. 2 months ago
At this point, after waiting for weeks to hear back about a potential job offer at the company, I am ready to be happy with either outcome. This is very unlike me, but I am ready to deal with it. If they give me an offer and I go there, it will give a large boost to my self esteem and help move my career forward. If they don’t, I will build on the resources we have acquired in the lab to streamline my workflow and increase the chances of a successful project. Importantly, I will also take greater advantage of the time I would’ve have otherwise spent commuting to spend more quality time with my daughter and invest it into her development. I will read to her on the bus, take her to swim lessons, make a budget for some occasional art classes that we could enjoy together. 2 months ago
I have tried to have a more optimistic view on life through setting myself some goals that excite me. I have tried to be a positive influence on the team and make them feel good about their achievements.
I have also held myself off from expressing negative opinions about situations until I have had time to think of things more and find some positives in the situation 2 months ago
I think I need to be more positive in work, I have a tendancy to focus on what is not working rather than what is,
i think this is partly due to me working too many long hours and resently them for it,
I find it difficult to gauge whether they are happy with me and I dont get any feedback 3 months ago
So I kind of had a bad emotional crash a few days ago and since today is Valentine’s Day, I decided it was a perfect time to overcompensate. I got all dressed up and handed out four dozen roses to friends and random strangers at school, and it made me feel good to see that people enjoyed them. I should do this more often….. 3 months ago
“Self deprecation is not a turn- on.” (!!)
I’ve been becoming more aware lately of just how self deprecating my sense of humor is and how disconcerting that is to people. I mean I’m really trying to not half- ass being happy. Years of emotional issues and I’m wondering if the dust is finally beginning to clear… I feel like I’m moving forward, though avoiding backsliding it is something that constantly has to be on my mind. Stuff has to work out, you know? It’s not an option for it not to work out.
Oh, and to quote that same friend: “Don’t panic.” Believe everything is going to be okay, the Universe likes positive affirmations. :) 3 months ago
challenge. . who is with me? :) 3 months ago
Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life – think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success.
Swami Vivekananda 3 months ago
