Dear 43 Things Users,

10 years after introducing 43 Things to the world, we have decided we have met our last goal: completing the incredible experience that has been 43 Things. Please join us in giving one last cheer to all the folks who have shared their goals with the world, as well as all the people who have worked at The Robot Co-op to build this incredible website. We won a Webby Award, published a book, and brought happiness to a lot of people.

Starting today, 43 Things users can export their goals and entries from the site. Starting August 15, we will make the site “read only”. 43 Things users will still be able to view the site and export their content, but we won’t be taking any new content from users. We hope to leave the site up for folks to see and download their content until the end of the year. Ending on New Year’s Eve takes us full circle.

It has been a long ride (one of our original goals was to "build a company that lasts at least 2 years” - we beat that one!) While we wish the site could live on, it has suffered from a number of challenges - changes in how people use the site, the advertising industry, and how search engines view the site. We wish the outcome was different – but we’ve always been realistic about when our goals are met and when they aren't.

As of today, you will be able to download your goals and entries. See more about that on the FAQ page. Thanks for 10 great years of goal-setting and achieving.

- The Robots.

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2 people want to do this.

Talk. Confess. Enlighten the world. Let it go already.


 

Entries from everyone

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CrunchyBreadPopClogs

Well, I’ve made a PopClogs account now. It seems it’s what all the popular kids are doing, so I had to join in. It’s actually pretty nice. Mostly it’s nice just SEEING so many familiar friends.

The end of this place isn’t the end of our friendships.

Look me up if you go there. Same Crunchy name. Same Crunchy avatar. Ya can’t miss me. 3 months ago


CrunchyBreadare we still here?

Well… the sky hasn’t fallen yet… do I dare hope the site isn’t closing?

I’ve been acting like a little girl whose father is leaving on a trip, so she won’t hug him or speak to him, because she’s mad he’s leaving and she knows how much it’ll hurt being lonely for him. In that same way, I’ve been reluctant to add many new entries here, because I know how much it’ll hurt if/when they disappear.

I’ve heard counter-rumors that the site really won’t close. I wouldn’t mind so much if it just got abandoned. It’s the deleting of all my/our history that I find so offensive. I would be very glad if it would please just stay up and let us live here on our own terms until WE decide we no longer want to. 3 months ago


CrunchyBreadlost

People have messaged me about 43T closing soon. I have a hard time wrapping my head around it. I’ve invested seven or eight years of my life into this place, with thousands of entries and maybe hundreds of friends. I’ve changed so much. The support and love and encouragement and acceptance I’ve found here are like nothing else I’ve ever known, and has been largely responsible for the positive changes I’ve made in my life. This place has made me a better person.

I don’t know if I can go to Popclogs or any other site, though, and expect it to take the place of this site. I have written so many entries here, and there is no way I could just lift that history and transplant it somewhere else. I feel very angry that all my words are going to be deleted. It’s like someone coming in my house and throwing away all my diaries.

I’m kinda devastated, to tell the truth.

I can’t quite face this. I know I should be making every effort, getting all my friends’ e-mails, making new accounts other places I’ll see them, etc. But I can’t quite believe this is happening. I can’t understand why this place needs to disappear. Even if nobody wants to monitor it or whatever, I don’t see why it has to be erased. I feel betrayed.

I don’t know what will happen with me next. I don’t know where I’ll go from here. I don’t know where I’ll be able to invest my heart after this betrayal. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to put so much of myself out there again, just to have it all thrown away. I’m so lost. 4 months ago


CrunchyBreadAsexuality

I’ve been researching asexuality lately. I’m beginning to think I might identify as demisexual or graysexual. I do like sex, sortof. But I also seriously, deeply enjoy NOT having sex. I like the freedom I have in a world where I need not worry about anyone else’s sexual opinion or needs concerning me because I’m just not connected that way.

I have a lot of trouble defining my own sexuality to myself. I know it must be hella confusing for anyone who would ever want to be in a relationship with me. I used to be willing to do pretty much any sexual thing with anyone I was in a relationship with, and I thought that was fine. But often it seemed “not quite good enough” for them to know I was willing, but not actively pursuing sex. They wanted me to want them, not just “participate”. Personally, I thought that was plain greedy of them. If I’m giving you all the ACTIONS you request, why must you encroach on my FEELINGS/THOUGHTS as well?

I think guys have often been mad at me, feeling somehow like I had an unfair advantage since I had the thing they wanted, but they didn’t have an equivalent thing I wanted. I think they wanted to use my sexual desire to manipulate me, though I never used their sexual desires to manipulate them. The truth is, I just wanted love. I wanted affection, and cuddling, and protection, and friendship, and financial solidarity, and parenting help. But sex was just optional to me. I generally don’t feel deprived for not having it.

TMI warning!

About once or twice a month I get a sexual urge that bothers me enough that I have to “deal with it”. It feels like a sort of maintenance, rather than like anything even vaguely relationshippy. I’m as likely during these moments to be thinking of nothing in particular, or thinking of a woman, or an alien, or a natural process like a river or something as I am to be thinking of a man. Yet I still consider myself basically straight… sort of. Mostly. Kind of.

I just found the online asexuality forum AVEN, and a documentary on Netflix called (A)Sexual, and a YouTuber named SwankIvy. These are helping me learn more about this brand-new movement to identify and help introduce language to people with different attitudes towards sexuality than others. Having no words to describe it, having no discussion about it, it makes me feel like my experience is not just not validated, but is erased from being a part of public reality. Adding these new concepts into the mix to raise awareness grants a certain hope of possible acceptance.

I do still want love. I need relationships. I need friends, and I want to have romance. I want someone to cuddle, and I have so much adoration I could shower on someone! But in my ideal scenario my “someone” would be someone who was rather like me, instead of someone so hyper-sexual that they could not appreciate or accept me for being different. I would not want to be put again into a position where I am somehow made to feel guilty for being who I am, wanting what I want, giving what I am able to give.

I don’t know whether it will be possible for me to get involved with the asexual community, though. It is estimated there might only be 1% of the population that might identify this way, and it isn’t like there are any “Asexual” bars out there. I would like to join a meetup or something, just to have a chance to feel the energy in a room full of people NOT all thinking on some level about trying to get each others’ pants. I would love to strike up close, intimate friendships with both men and women, and not have to worry that they are obviously going to lead to sex sooner or later and be blamed for being a tease if that’s not where I want to go.

I’m not sure what my next steps may be. More research, I suppose. There is a lot to think about here.

6 months ago


CrunchyBreadA lesson learned from meditation practice

Once, I studied meditation. Didn’t follow it much, never got much out of it, except I learned one thing. A technique.

It was this: While meditating, though the goal is to keep your mind clear, thoughts will likely intrude. Rather than grind on the thoughts or berate yourself for having them, just notice they are passing by, and let them keep on passing. Perhaps imagine setting each thought on a leaf, and sending it downstream, or in a bubble to float away on the breeze. Recognize they occur, but do not indulge them much. You can think about them later, when it is their turn, perhaps. Right now, you are fully occupied with holding an empty mind, so these thoughts are welcome to depart.

This is how I’m dealing with my thoughts of dying lately. They are thoughts that pass through my mind frequently. I treat them like cottonwood seeds, floating past on the breeze. My job is simply not to give them a place to sprout. I am impermeable, like a well-paved cement street. They may collect in the gutters like drifts of snow, but eventually they WILL be blown or washed away.

In this way I allow that even when thoughts of death or suicide come at me in a flurry, seeming to fairly choke the air with their multitude, I still remain somewhat untouched. This is a fact: thoughts of death occur, and they seem innocent, fluffy, and attractive as they drift past. It does NOT follow that “I want to die”.

I am not to be blamed for the occurrence of thoughts or impulses. I am only responsible for how I respond to them. Since I know these particular thoughts are antithetical to the life I choose to pursue for myself and my family, I do not take ownership of them. I do not welcome them, water them, or tend them. I watch them drift past. Sometimes singly. Sometimes in a flurry. But they do drift away if I simply let them go.

6 months ago


CrunchyBreadComputer Issues

Dear 43T Friends:

My computer is on the fritz. I won’t be able to communicate much until it is fixed. My only computer access right now is at the library, for up to one hour per day when I’m able to get there, so obviously that is very limited. Please don’t think anything’s wrong with me, or that I’m ignoring you on purpose!

I have no idea how long it will take for me to get things back to normal. Until then, I hope everyone here takes good care of themselves. I love you all!

Crunchy 7 months ago


CrunchyBreadBad Dreams. VERY Bad Dreams.

For the past few nights I’ve had bad dreams. Normally my dreams are weird, and that’s fine. Often I have lucid dreams, and if I know a dream is becoming a nightmare I can either change it or wake myself up. But lately my dreams have taken a new tack and I don’t know what to do about it.

I always think my dreams mean something. Generally they mean something really mundane, which boils down to “this is the way your life is right now, and this is what you’re afraid of”. But I don’t understand these two dreams. I’d like to share some parts of them, to get others’ reactions. But they are rather horrible. Please do not read further if it will disturb you. But if you do read, please give me your impression of what you think such images might be trying to communicate, if they were speaking to you.

First nightmare: I am in the house I grew up in. I am in the garage, where my father keeps all his tools for woodworking and cars and stuff. It smells like car grease and oil. A man rides up on a motorcycle that I’ve never seen before, but I somehow know immediately he has a gun and will likely kill us all. But he’s acting nice for now, and asks to see my father. I act nice and say I’ll go get him. I’m about 16. I go call my father and try to explain that a scary man just came up, but the dream ends before I can say anything. That is very weird because normally things get pretty gruesome before I start feeling scared, and in this dream I woke suddenly with that heart-clutching feeling even though nothing in particular happened.

Last night a much more revolting dream happened. I dreamed I was at a very large school with thousands of students. While using the bathroom I found a stall that had severed body parts stacked neatly in it, as though it were standard procedure for a certain number of kids to be dismembered and disposed of there. Yet at that point my dream did not “feel” like a nightmare yet, and I continued sleeping.

It gets worse. Later I dreamed that I was at a place I called home. There were neighbors living on both sides of me, like an apartment. I liked this home, it was beautiful and full of freedom and interesting things and I was happy. Somehow I stumbled into the house of a neighbor and to make a long story short I found that she was a witch who killed, dismembered, and ate children, and the two kids living with her now were about to be killed. I managed to take out a cell phone and take photos of some professionally wrapped meat parts labelled with the child’s name they’d been taken from, that were found in her refrigerator. As I was snapping the photos for evidence, thinking to prosecute her, a child ran by me and I heard a loud noise that told me the witch was coming, and I woke knowing she’d found me and probably killed me, and I would never be able to show that evidence, and I had saved nobody.

These dreams were very disturbing. I don’t normally have such graphically horrible dreams. I don’t watch horror movies. I don’t think nasty thoughts like this. I don’t know where this is coming from.

I got up, took some headache medicine, spent some time browsing the internet to distract myself, then went back to sleep and finished sleeping the rest of the night in relative peace. But I feel very upset that I had those dreams, and I want to know what message may have been intended by dreaming of people, especially kids, being cut up like that. It is too horrible to forget, while simultaneously being too horrible to contemplate. Especially the professional wrapping, like anything you might see in a grocer’s meat case.

I am not a vegetarian. My mother was a meat wrapper, so I’m very familiar with meat cases and I don’t think of them as horrible in any way. It was the violated humanity of those children which was the nightmare.

Please share any thoughts you might have, which might shed a bit of perspective on this terrible night’s sleep for me. What might my subconscious be trying to tell me? 7 months ago


CrunchyBreadit's unspeakable

Someone once told me a long time ago that she heard of a therapist who used this technique: they would say an awful phrase, and you’d repeat it. Like: “I’m stupid.”—“I’m stupid.”

They’d go down a list of various bad words that one might call one’s self. When they got to the word you couldn’t say, THAT was the word you really believed. “I’m pathetic.”—“I’m ppppppppppp…..”

All the other bad words were ones that didn’t really bother you, or that you didn’t really believe about yourself.

Kinda like that old bit from “Happy Days” when Fonzie couldn’t say he was sorry, or wrong. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwkU8-d1gIk

I know what my unsay-able word is. It has been the same word my whole life. I knew it the first time I heard of this technique. For a while there, (sometime in the last five years) I remember I thought I was cured because suddenly I was able to say the unsayable word! I didn’t believe it anymore.

Today I found that once again I cannot say it. I can barely think it. It’s weird, because I know it isn’t true. But obviously on some level, I must “know” it IS true.

Le sigh.

My question for everyone is: (You don’t have to reveal your unsayable word—that might be impossible anyway. But just…) Do you have an unsayable word, or know what yours might be? Please leave me a comment, if so. Just saying whether or not you find this to be true for you. 7 months ago


CrunchyBreadfood affecting mood?

Does anyone have any experience with food vastly changing your mood? I felt like I was gonna die earlier. I felt like my soul was rotting in my body.

What did I eat? I’m trying to think… I had salad. I had a salad that was all greens, grated carrots, with sesame seeds and dressing. Sounded healthy for a change. I normally eat mostly protein.

I also had some apple juice.

That was lunch. For breakfast I had leftovers from yesterday – beans and rice, and homemade enchiladas.

After feeling so bad this afternoon I had a bacon sandwich, and began to feel better. Then for dinner I had chicken (nothing else) and now I feel almost chipper! I feel almost entirely better, except for my back being sore still. But my feelings are all okay again.

I know salad is supposed to be good for you, and excessive meat is supposed to be bad. But somehow that doesn’t seem to be how my chemistry is working right now. I better keep better watch on this for a while. 7 months ago


CrunchyBreadNot good, and getting worse. Need help.

Definitely seeing a downward trend in me. Going from having “some” happiness to having to scrape to find any. I have plenty of gratitude, plenty of love, plenty of comfort. I’m not sick, my housing and income are not threatened. I haven’t had any recent heartbreaks. Everything for me is fine. But I feel myself sliding down and down into deeper feelings of “I can’t find any joy anywhere”. Living is becoming a battle, like every action must be performed while fighting through flames.

I’m going to call Kitsap Mental Health tomorrow, and see whether there’s any hope I might be able to get on some medication. I’ve tried meds before, and they didn’t work for me at all. But I can’t keep going down like this now and not at least try to do something about it. If they don’t work it’s okay. I am allowed to sleep or whatever, since I don’t have a job. But if they do work I might be able to start functioning again.

I’d like to go back to Pacific Fabrics. I want to clean my house, make dinner for my kids, go shopping, etc. All I’ve been able to do for weeks is sit and sew. I feel terrible. I want help. I hope very much that maybe I can find it. I’ll call first thing tomorrow. 7 months ago


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