I sort of started an informal moms’ group, and I’m meeting more people through my daughter’s preschool. Will continue to try to make this a priority through lunches with friends and the like. 2 months ago
Entries from everyone
Started volunteering so looking forward to meeting new ppl 3 months ago
i dont have friends.so i think i can make some friends here. 3 months ago
I have a tendency with people I really admire and want to ideaise them. They are so perfect and I am so useless and inadequate. Inevitably I have a rude awakening when I realise that the person is entirely human (although perhaps still admirable, not worthy of pedestal-isation). Then I feel ridiculous and and idiot for projecting so much onto them and undermining myself so much.
I have a friend in work – a woman older than me who I admire greatly. I have described her as my girl-crush and the woman I want to grow up to be. For me, she is, was, grounded but soaring. Smart, successful, focused. In contrast, to myself, I was flighty and a bit daft. I was always a little bit anxious around her.
Recently, since Christmas when I had a career break-through, I have noticed that she may not be grounded so much as angry and depressed. Every suggestion or idea or possibility is shot down. I thin she is pragmatic and asks what is actually possible rather than just diving blindly in, but I also think that close-minded and judgmental and actually pretty sad. And frumpy. I think she is afraid of becoming the invisible woman, that she is indeed becoming. And instead of fighting it, she is finding excuses not to.
I said I was going to a play, before the words were out of my mouth, she jumped on it and said that there is nothing good in theatres at the moment (there’s only “shite” out). I pointed out that she doesn’t go to the theatre (her husband is above it) and she mumbled in agreement. Then asked who I am going with – wen I said my neighbours – well I’m not sure why but she sneered at that too. WTF? There have been many other incidents like – opportunities taken for her to cut the ground form under my feet.
I think she might be jealous. Maybe my life in contrast with hers looks like Easy Street. Also, I treat life like it is a payground of possibilities. She sees closed doors.
But for more than a year I have turned to her for approval, for endorsement, for validation of me, my choices, myself. I thwarted a grown-up friendship and turned it into mother and child, I used her to get the validation and support I needed. I do this far too often. I am invariably disappointed bc my expectations are unrealistic.
I need to be a friend and not just latch on to a support system. And I need to draw up boundaries. 3 months ago
So, today was the first day of the semester. I caught up with some old friends, which was refreshing. I only had one class today (which I arrived to just as it was starting) so I didn’t really have a chance to mingle with the people around me. However, as I was walking out of class, I managed to make some small talk with the girl who had been sitting next to me. It wasn’t much, but it was a start. And I must say, it made me feel good :) 3 months ago