Enjoy my work

but who does enjoy his or her work?
I don’t know anyone except artists or professional athletes maybe, or art history teachers on sabbatical (who aren’t working) 10 months ago

From an email I got:

“I have told the following to patients who’ve tried to place the responsibility on whether they commit suicide or not on me, “If you really want to kill yourself, you CAN outsmart me. I cannot know what’s in your mind and your heart unless you choose to share that with me. I cannot know everything you do during the week, unless you tell me. I’m here to help you and I can better help you the more we’re able to work together. But I cannot fix these problems for you.”

Here’s another example. I had a 22 year male patient with really severe OCD. He responded very well to high dose fluoxetine. The problem was he would skipped 2/3 of his doses and with (what sounded like pride) tell me about this during our med admin sessions. I did not get anywhere with him by encouraging and cajoling him to be more compliant or by giving him a pill box or by involving his mother. Then I noticed how angry I was getting at him for being so stubborn, for defying me! How dare he!

That’s when I started to understand the dynamic and changed my approach. In subsequent visits, I’d ask him how things were going. After some brief generalities, he would tell me how bad his OCD was and how he was skipping doses. Then he’d show me his hands, red and raw from washing with harsh chemicals – he had germ obsessions and washing compulsions. I’d say, “Boy they look bad… That must hurt… You’ve been on 80mg of fluoxetine. Let me write you a prescription unless you would like to take a different approach.” I stopped identifying with whatever his daddy projection was. I made it clear – not explicitly – that he wasn’t hurting me by hurting himself. After all, my life was good. I was here to help but I wasn’t going to shove fluoxetine down his throat or get angry at him if he chose not to take a medication we both knew helped him a lot. Guess what – after I released myself for the responsibility of his outcome, he started to take his med and his OCD improved. He even enrolled in school. So this story had a happy ending. Not all of them do, of course. Let me know what you think. Consider what – if anything – I wrote about my attitude would work for you. If you read what I wrote, you will notice that there are limits to this approach. Please consider what they are.” 12 months ago

I went to the farmer’s market at lunchtime with 2 co-workers, and I got kale and strawberries!
We also had a nice conversation. 12 months ago

I was driving and I heard some loud squawking and it was a peacock! 13 months ago

I went for a walk at lunch and I saw a cat hiding in the bushes. 13 months ago

feeling overwhelmed and disgusted and powerless at work to feeling okay about it
I think I can keep doing this
Well I’m going to have to for all my student loans
I do think I help people sometimes
This is one of my old professors
He is finally retiring this spring after 55 years of teaching
He helped me
He one badass 90 year old 14 months ago

I don’t want to go in but I just got called in. I do not want to go. I don’t want to do this work. I don’t want to work at all.
However, I spent the last several hours at the computer looking at ceiling fans. To go in and do the work, and get paid at 120% for it, is a more worthwhile use of my time and skills. I am going to try my best to put a positive spin on things. Maybe I will learn something new; it is possible to learn from all our experiences. Be positive.
I should also take my pills. 15 months ago

come on day’s half done 15 months ago

Need to complete each minute of each day
If I immerse myself in the moment it might make it easier
Also, please stop the negative thoughts

EDIT
I made it through the day 19 months ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ptr1R4r4h1Q

to exhort self to get through the day 19 months ago