It wasn’t that good…
We were supposed to break up. I knew it was ment to happen, but I wanted to keep trying.
Had like two conversations with him the past two weeks and a half, and in both of them I was inescure and needy. Well, atleast in one of them. I was “small” and “weak”
I really shouldn’t let men make me feel like that…
Oh well… I’m great, and people love me. Loving myself is a tough one – but I can be relaxed ‘cause this moving on process will take some time. I don’t think I need to rush anything – for I have a lot to love in myself. Some people will like me, some won’t – whatever man, I’m a great person.. and a great girlfriend :)
Everything is defintetly looking up from here on… :) 4 weeks ago
He was the first man who I gave my everything to. Sure, he wasn’t my first sexual partner, but he was the first to figure me out inside and out. The first person I ever felt comfortable with completely. He cared for me. But later realized, he no longer wanted me.
I loved him. I loved him so much. But it wasn’t enough.
This is me, trying to move on and recover from yet another heartbreak. 1 month ago
7 months have passed since then and it still hurts til’ this day..This is going take longer than I imagined.. 1 month ago
it’s the first full day that we haven’t spoken, it’s been roughly 30 hours and I know this is the best possible thing to happen because I know you deserve better and I always saw that.
day 1 went better than expected, much better. in fact, sort of feels like a relief despite obviously noticing that they are no longer there, it actually feels moderately better (sort of) 1 month ago
I was going through some things packed away in a box and came across old poems and love letters written by you. The R that I used to know and love so much. And I came to a realization. The person who wrote those poems and letters to me, the person who loved me so, no longer exists. He died a long time ago and I’ve been holding on to a ghost. I am learning to accept that you will never love me like that again and I have let you go. You are finally free. I hope that you find what you are looking for. I hope that you will be happy. I hope that maybe one day you might love me again, but I know that will never happen. Still, I will always have enough hope for the both of us. And I move forward. 3 months ago
How is it possible that my heart can still break after almost a year? Even after everything that happened I don’t know how to stop loving him. It makes me wonder a lot about what kind of person I am that I could love someone so deeply who always hurt me so badly. In my head its easy to say “he doesn’t deserve your love and you deserve so much better”, but my heart tells me something entirely different. 4 months ago
I never want to be without income.
As a child, I needed to financially take care of myself, in the full sense of the term. This included housing, cloths, hygiene and dignity. All were in short supply with no immediately visible relief.
Street performance was a means to an end of suffering, but without food or shelter it was easy to find regrets in the community.
My hand and skull was fractured repeatedly. That didn’t stop me from fighting for my life, even if it did end my ability to create work for myself. 5 months ago
Today was a tough day. The desire to contact R was overwhelming. But, what would be the point of contacting him? To get into a fight? Demand an apology? Really M, have some self-respect. You’re a strong beautiful woman and you have so much going for you so don’t ruin it by bringing him back into your life because you need closure. Accept the fact that he CHOOSES not to apologize or explain and that he CHOSE to lie to you not once, but many times. You deserve better than that. Be strong. 9 months ago
For every mistake we must surely be learning, still my guitar gently weeps..
What I learnt about myself
Negatives:
1. I’m insecured and worry too much.
2. I like to keep bad feelings to myself.
3. I don’t stand up for myself when I’m being mistreated.
4. I get silent when I’m angry.
5. I’m needy and clingy.
6. I’m sensitive and emotional.
7. I care too muh and give too much.
8. I’m not as independent as I thought I was.
9. I get jelous sometimes.
10. I tend to lose myself in a relationship.
Positives:
1. I’m very sweet and romantic.
2. I’m sensitive to the needs of others.
3. I’m caring and considerate.
4. I accept my partner for who he is and I never judge him.
5. I always stand by my partner and be supportive.
6. I am able to be with someone through thick and thin.
7. I have the capacity to love so completely that it overshadows everything else.
8. I can have a serious relationship.
9. I’m not afraid of sex anymore. I’m actually quite good at it.
10. I am stronger than I thought I was.
11. I’m honest and loyal.
12. I am able to appreciate my partner.
13. I’m the one who will always stay in love with my lover like it is the first time.
14. I get alone well with my partner’s family and mates.
15. I’m smart and eager to learn/try everything.
16. I’m a beautiful girl with great personality
17. I am willing to change my weaknesses to make the relationship work.
18. I know how to compromise.
19. I’m good at listening.
20. I’m the best girlfriend one can ever get.
What I learnt from the relationships
1. If you’re someone’s second choice, don’t bother.
2. Honesty is the only way to relate that’s worth bothering with.
3. Love is not just through the good times but the true test of love is when the going gets tough.
4. Always put myself first. Don’t try to please anyone.
5. Don’t go out with selfish/self-centered people.
6. Don’t spend too much time together. Have a life of my own.
7. Don’t give up the chances to meet new people.
8. Don’t neglect my friends.
9. Take it slow. Don’t rush into sex too fast.
10. Be my own boss. Learn to speak out my opinions and stand up for myself.
11. Communication is priceless.
12. Tell him what’s on my mind. Let him know if what he does bothers me.
13. Not to give too much as people tend to take advantage of you and take you for granted. Don’t be too nice.
14. Don’t be fooled by false promises.Don’t believe it until it’s proven.
15. Don’t tolerate lies and dishonesty.
16. Nothing lasts “forever”. People change. But if you’re willing to put a lot of effort to make it work, it will last.
17. Don’t show your fears or insecurities; men see that as a weakness.
18. Not settling for less than what I know I deserve.
19. Don’t make someone your everything.
20. No one can make me happy. Happiness comes from within.
21. I am the one I can truly rely on.
22. Be with someone who appreaciates what I do for him.
23. Leave him if he can’t accept me for who I truly am.
24. Never ever beg if he decides to give up. Let him go and do it with a pride.
25. Only make big compromise when there’s a ring on my finger.
26. Relationships take lots of work from everyone, and sometimes they just aren’t sustainable.
27. Despite what the Beatles say, Love is NOT all you need.
28. Don’t date someone who doesn’t respect my culture.
29. I realized I was worth way more than I was given credit for. Now I know any man will be lucky to have me.
30. No matter how good looking, smart, funny, sexy, financially stable, nice, wonderful or perfect someone seems to be for me, one of the biggest factors is that THEY REALLY LIKE/LOVE me too. If they could let me go that easy, than they didn’t share my feelings and that issue alone makes them NOT the perfect one for me. 9 months ago
