Necessary resources: a positive attitude and motivation 2 months ago
Entries from everyone
We’re trying to find a house. We’ve looked at literally hundreds of houses over the years, but it’s coming down to the wire. The house we’re in has a buyer, and if we’re going to sell it we have just days to find a place.
The thing is, there’s not much out there. Inventory is low, and we’ve got some specific needs that make it even harder. So most of what we see either won’t work, or we don’t like, or it needs way too much work.
Case in point: our realtor sent us some pictures of a house he thinks “might be the one”. Most of it’s pretty nice, though he says it has some maintenance issues he did not specify.
The kitchen was just remodeled, and its beautiful, but it’s just the dumbest layout I have ever seen. I mean that quite literally. No matter what you would need to do, something would be in your way. Usually, SEVERAL things would be in your way. For example, the refrigerator is inside the pantry. To open the door you’d need to be on one side of a wall- but to get anything in or out you’d need to be on the other side of the wall! So just getting the milk for your morning cereal would take several cumbersome steps.
There’s more too- an island that’s badly placed- the stove and cooktop and sink and dishwasher are right on top of each other in a too-narrow space, etc. it makes no sense- the kitchen itself has plenty of room- but it’s just a huge wasted space that you’d have to cross (multiple times) anytime you did anything in there.
This is really our best choice? The kitchen is a focal point of any house. This one screams stupid, impractical, inefficient and frustrating.
So I’m sitting here in the very early hours, unable to sleep, and just about done with the whole process. I have BEEN patient- for months and months and months. 5 months ago
I am learning everyday how to become alittle more patient and understanding with myself and with others. 9 months ago
and have trouble with monkey mind, I think as I breathe:
Centered, in a good place.
Neutral, on an even keel. 9 months ago
Inc.com published an article titled Be Happier: 10 Things to Stop Doing Right Now. I was happy to see that most of the 10 things were similar to what I found I had to do to be more patient, which in turn led me to discover that these were the same things I could do to be happier.
I summarized what I learned in the following two posts under this same goal (that is, the two posts prior to this one):
- I’ve been meaning to summarize what I’ve learned about this goal…
- Now that I finished documenting the beliefs which helped me be in a position to better myself
Since 43T displays your posts in reverse chronological order, it makes more sense to read the posts in the order I listed them, which is the order I wrote them.
Of course, it’s easy said than done to be happier. But I’m a believer we have the power to do what we want but conversely that means we have the power to prevent what we don’t want to do or more subtly to prevent what we don’t believe we can do. In other words, we have everything we need to be happy. It’s just that we tend to get in our own ways.
Anyway, the reference provides the link to the article, so instead of repeating what they say, I’ll put what they say in context what I’ve learned to be a more patient person.
I mentioned how bad blaming is as #5 here. Blaming implies judging. That you have determined some other party is at fault. While it’s good to learn from past experiences, blame does not accomplish this. This only harbors negative feeling and energy. Not blaming also means you should not blame yourself either. What’s done is done. The focus should be on how to make things better based on the current situation.
While I didn’t mention this explicitly, to me it’s related to unconditional love for yourself I mentioned in #10 here. If you love yourself unconditionally, you don’t need to try to impress others. You can then be yourself and then you’ll find true friends who like you for who you are.
This is also related to unconditional love. If you have unconditional love for yourself, you are not dependent on others for your own happiness.
I knew interrupting was bad but they make a good point. Hadn’t thought about it that way.
I didn’t mention it explicitly in my posts, but I believe it’s not what you say, but how you say it. This is also related to you are as happy as you want to be. In my opinion, if you are unhappy, I believe you’ll tend to whine more. If you are happy, you’ll have a more non-judgmental view of the situation. That is, whether one whines or not is a matter of state of mind. If you practice being in a good state of mind, this will help your overall happiness and find yourself whining less. I know some people feel that whining makes them feel better. The problem is if whining makes you feel better, then you learn (teach yourself) to do it more. You should learn other more constructive ways to feel better.
To me, this is related to #3 here about knowing what you have control over and what you don’t. That is, the Serenity Prayer. Honestly speaking, there’s very little you have control over. While you may be able to influence things, people, etc, the only thing you really have control over is how you feel and how you react to them.
This is similar to my comments on whining and blaming. I believe in constructive criticism, but you have to be aware that many people may not be open to it and since you have no control over whether other people accept constructive criticism or not, you should be aware that criticism could cause negative feeling from their part.
In #5 here, I grouped blaming and judging together. In the article, they wrote “Criticizing has a brother. His name is Preaching. They share the same father: Judging.”
Dwelling generally has to do with something in the past, which is something which cannot be changed. It also has to do with one’s state of mind, which is fortunately something you can control (with practice).
Fearing is generally based on worrying about some future event. There may be something happening at the moment which is causing the worry about a future event. Let’s try a non-emotional example (ie, most of you are hopefully not in this situation) that one has lost one’s job and without income, one then fears about losing the house. We may be able to have some influence over whether losing the house becomes a reality or not, but there’s no guarantee. So the future is also something which falls under the category of things we cannot control. Fearing or worrying won’t accomplish anything except cause stress, and as I mentioned as #1 here, stress is bad. Just because one has no control over the future does not mean we give up or don’t care. Having control over what happens in the future and how we live our lives are not dependent on each other. Another non-emotional example is an upcoming test. One might fear or worry about failing it. Fearing or worrying won’t accomplish anything. Study as best as you can and then accept the results. Some people say fearing or worrying help motivate them, but if that is what motivates you, I would be inclined to think you have the wrong things motivating you.
There is one exception I would make for fear. There is a natural instinct we have for survival. I would say do not ignore those natural instincts. It’s just that with all the stress and negativity which surrounds our lives, I think we are no longer able to distinguish what comes from instinct and what comes as a product of how we have lived our lives.Reference:
I had a child. My impatience affected him & I in negative ways. It took a few months, but my love for him overcame most of my inner anger and worry. Meditation REALLY helped a lot. My son has taught me patience through the power of unconditional love. 16 months ago