be the best mother I can be

... and I didn’t go back.

This is the first time I’ve done this.. ever.

My son and I woke up bright and early. I washed up, said my prayers, got dressed, had my morning coffee and inhaled the invigorating morning air… our day had started, and we were off

On the way to school, we stopped by On The Run. He got his juice and water (and cookie) and I got my biscuits and coffee :) so far so good, and we were off (again)

My child went to class, and I headed to my office.. a while later a matron brought him down to me, “he threw up and his stomach hurts.”

My heart sank :( I thought if it was something he ate, then now it’s out and he’d feel better. So he went back to class, and as I made my rounds, I glanced in through his window, he was working through his classwork and coloring his water bottle.

He wasn’t getting better, he was getting worse. He threw up again and all the color was draining out of his paling face.

I made phone calls to get early dismissal slips. My principal was in a meeting and I waited patiently (if you count my non-stop pacing outside his office door “patient”). He was very kind to me.. I quote him saying, “don’t even think of coming back to work today.” That hasn’t happened in my life since the first day I started working. Ever.

He signed my dismissal slip and wished my son well :) My mind raced and the beating of my heart slammed inside my chest. This kid is the best thing that I have going for me in my life, and right now he was doing a damn good job of breaking my heart.

By the time I got home, my son was quite fatigued. I got him in pjs, wrapped him in his snuggly (blanket with gloves), covered him up in his couch blanket, and started the procedures…

1. checked his temperature..

2. called his pediatrician..

3. called the pharmacy for medicine..

4. went downstairs and made him a piping hot pot of soup :) (made with lots of fresh TLC)

My son rested.. and is still resting cozy beside me.. I wish him a speedy recovery :) 16 months ago

My son is a little a spelling bee. He loves to spell, and he’s good at it.

There’s another little boy in his class that spells very poorly, and, “never gets a single spelling word right in the spelling game.”

I told my son two weeks ago that I expect him to help the other boy with his words, and not simply comment that the boy spells poorly. I explained to him that by helping the boy, he will be helping himself become a fantastic human being.

The next day, my son told me that he reminded the boy (before the quiz) that e-n-v-i-r-on-m-e-n-t, had a silent “n” before the “m”, and the boy spelled it right on the quiz.

My son recruited two other boys from the class and spent ten minutes each day helping their friend with “spelling words”.

Yesterday, the young boy in the class got a 9/10 on his spelling quiz and my son was so excited in the car on the way home. I asked him how he felt, having helped his friend do well, and his face lit up :)

So, instead of going home, and despite being fiercely exhausted, I took my son to the mall where we purchased a brand new soccer ball (his had gotten all torn up). Now, he and his friends will celebrate their collective success kicking the ball around and sweating profusely (rolling my eyes as I type this). But it’s good exercise and they clean up beautifully at home :)

I love being “Mom” SO much!!!18 months ago

My son is nine and loves to read. He reads a lot and is curious about everything. Last night, we finished The Phantom of the Opera, together. He didn’t hate Erik; he felt sorry for him.

My son is nine and loves to laugh. He tells jokes and laughs half way through them. These days, he’s amused by all kinds of “disgusting” things. He laughs when he sees someone burp or fart.

My son is nine and loves to care for people and things. He doesn’t fear stray cats; he runs to the kitchen to bring them food. He refuses to stay away from me when I’m sick, but instead insists that I need extra hugs and several doses of TLC. If a plant in our garden needs water, he reprimands us all for letting it thirst.

He plays air guitar and loves to rock out. He sings like Prince and dances like Fred Astair. Garfield is his idol and I’m his “best mother and friend in the world.”

These are not reasons, but merely facts…
He melts away the fatigue in my chocolate colored eyes…
My little boy is my greatest hero :) 19 months ago

...to miss my child when he’s just in the next room sleeping? 1 year ago

according to some, I am not very good at this :(

Perhaps when she grows up, gains perspective, maturity…wisdom, she will see that I have done nothing short of my very best under the circumstances. 2 years ago

N is not a happy girl, and it is reflected in her actions, the things she says…her demeanour in general. She tells her father and stepmother that it’s all my fault; I’m a terrible mother. If only she knew how much I have sacrificed, have cried for her.

I love her, I provide for her, I make time for her – what else can I do? I do my best not to judge her and I think for the most part, I am fair.

I haven’t seen Dr.K since the beginning of January, and I’ve been trying to carry on without my ‘candy’ for almost a month now. I know that I am not myself; well, the relaxed, happy self I am when I have candy, that is. Every day is a struggle to not be angry, it is a constant struggle not to cry and let my mind wander to the dark places it used to go before my breakdown.

I see her on Friday, and I guess I’ll tell her I’ve been trying to go it alone without the chemical ‘assistance’ – she will likely scold me for not calling in for a refill, but I really wanted to try it on my own. I guess I’m not ready yet.

I’m trying not to take all the shit N says personally, but it’s hard. She’s a girl who refuses to be accountable for anything she says or does – I know a person who was and is still like that. He’s 40 years old and going nowhere in life, because every time he chooses to ‘screw up’, it’s everyone else’s fault in some way.

I only want what is best for her, and I hope she will accept the help we are trying to give her. 2 years ago

TO MY LIL GIRL:

You are the one who makes me smile everyday
You are the one who gives me reason to wake up every morning
You are the reason why I laughed
You are the reason why I am eager to get what I want
You are the reason why I still keep fighting here in this world though Im so tired
You keep me strong
You make my world so wonderful
You enlighten my dark world
You are my angel who always guide me..
You are my Love that I will love FOREVER
You are my EVERYTHING here in this world..
I Love You Baby Girl :) 2 years ago

How you are beautiful, testing, stressful, wonderful, amazing and so full of character.
I wouldn’t have my life any other way then with you in it; the mess, the tears, the washing all joyous because it is for you.
xoxoxo 3 years ago

i love my son, and he loves me. i do everything i can to make sure he has everything that’s best for him! so far he is thriving! his weight is above average and his length & head circumference are spot on too :D i will always be proud of him, no matter what. 3 years ago

We are getting out more as a family. Before I started trying to get healthy it just seemed easier to stay home most of the time. Our oldest son has also started kindergarten this year. The other kids and I really miss him during the school day. We have been making the time with each other a lot more special for a while now. Life is good. Now we are working on teaching him to read :) 4 years ago