I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…
I am doing well! I felt like pulling once today and I stopped myself. I didn’t pull at all today and I am doing very well.
If I keep this up, then soon I will be back on track and atop the mountain again.
I can do it! I know that I can. The hardest part is starting to stop and admitting to myself that I am pulling and I’ve already done that. 3 months ago
I haven’t pulled in 3 days and it feels really great! Keeping busy and riding my bike helps a lot. I use my bike as my main method of transportation, so by the time I get home, I am too tired to even feel like pulling my hair!... I usually just want to pass out on my futon! 3 months ago
Picked a day I knew I’d be too damn busy to have many chances. I’m coming into a pretty jam-packed weekend, too, so hopefully by the time things slow down on Friday I’ll have enough momentum to keep me going.
Three days, here we come.
P.S. Has anyone else tried staving of urges by brushing their hair/scalp really, really vigorously? I’m finding the sensation really kills the urge for a bit, especially if you work over your scalp hard. 3 months ago
I did so well for so long, and now it’s getting worse each day. This needs to stop before it becomes noticeable again.
Going for one day today. 3 months ago
I started pulling again and so I am keeping track to stop myself.
I did not pull at all today, though, and I am proud of myself. I decided to stop putting myself down so much. I should not hurt myself; I am a good person and no one has a right to hurt me. 3 months ago
Day 27 I didn’t pull at all and Day 28 I only pulled once.
I wanted to repel off of the side of skyscraper today, but I had to work instead. :(
I have been constantly exhausted and I feel as though I am swimming as hard as I can and barely keeping my head above water, but today I barely pulled at all and that is a victory. 6 months ago
On day 25 I pulled 5 times and today I didn’t pull at all! I am super tired because I worked until 11:00 PM tonight and I have to work at 7:00 am tomorrow!
I am proud of myself for not pulling at all today. 6 months ago
I have been pulling. I am mad at myself, but I recognize that being mad won’t help me stop. I just need to really keep track and not say “one pull is okay” like I have been doing—- because it is obviously not okay. I can do this when I put my mind to it.
I cannot use stress as an excuse to hurt myself. I need to keep a pen on me so that I can draw when I am stressed and want to do something with my hands… 6 months ago
I pulled a few times on days 18, 19, and 20, but not too much. Today, just now, I have been so nervous that I was pulling without stopping. However now I realized what I was doing, consciously decided to stop, and I’m stopping.
Today at work was horrible. The other day I accidently broke the disk drive of the photo machine because the photo person was on his break (I am training in photo, so I took his place) and the machine said that the media needed to be replaced, so I opened the machine to replace the media and the disk drive was open (I didn’t know that a disk was in the drive) and it broke.
Then today the machine was not printing photos the way it should have. I asked a manager for help several times and eventually (when the photo machine stopped working an error message popped up) the manager told me to call the support number. I asked him for the number and he told me that I should have been given it. I wasn’t. I ended up calling 5 different numbers and being on hold for about 3 hours until I spoke to someone who told me that she needed to have a technician call me back at the store. S/he never called during my shift and I think everyone is mad at me and blames me for the machine not working. I was so stressed out and crying in the car on the way home. Also, I haven’t been taking breaks (to earn extra money), so I am largely tired and hungry most of the time.
I am just really stressed out. Plus I have to worry about keeping up with JET, Teach for America, my sign holding job, family responsibilities, cleaning at home, and attempting to spend time with my loved ones.
It’s probably obvious to anyone who has read any of my recent posts that I am just stressed out all the time. But this Monday/Tuesday I will have two days off in a row for the first time in months! It will be a real weekend! I am so excited to be able to finally rest 6 months ago
I worked in the cooler for about 8 hours for two days straight. But when I got home, I took a walk with my brother and played Stratego with him and made Cinquo De Mayo (and Sixo De Mayo) dinner with my mum. I am trying to become more myself. I don’t like when I can feel myself slipping away. Of course, change is necessary. Change is the only constant in life. We are creatures in flux. So, instead I will say that I am constantly slipping away and becoming someone new. But I want to like that person and I want her to like me. I don’t want to hurt myself. I think that if I can remember what is important to me, if I can remember to always rely on my own logic and compassion, if I can just breathe and not allow bad situations to eat me alive, then I can get through this rough patch in my life. Better yet, I can make this the happiest time of my life. I can’t wait for the future to be the happiest time of my life, because that is a time that might never come.
I pulled twice yesterday and four times today, but I stopped after each time. 7 months ago