Ever since my hellish day, things have gotten a little better. I still feel very lonely and lost and empty, but I am trying to get past those feelings. I didn’t pull for 3 days and that’s an accomplishment. :) 4 months ago
Entries from everyone
Today started off really poorly because yesterday ended really poorly. My mom won’t talk to me for some reason and it’s really upsetting to me. It makes me stressed out and I pull. Last night I pulled and now, this morning, however I am trying to stop. I am just so lonely and sad and it’s frustrating to worry about whether my mother is mad at me or not all the time. It feels like I am walking on eggshells sometimes. I love my family, but it can be hard. And worse, I feel like I’m putting my brother in a difficult position and I do not want to do that because he’s my best friend. It’s my duty to protect him. 4 months ago
I pulled no hairs on the 8th. A few on the 9th and then stopped. None on the 10th, and then just one today. I am doing pretty well! I am proud of myself. I think I’ve just been too tired and worn out to have the time to relax (which is when I tend to pull). I need to make sure to give myself a rest though…. 5 months ago
Day 7: I spoke to my family today about some heavy topics and I had a rough day yesterday, so I pulled a 3 hairs, but I stopped myself each time. 5 months ago
I didn’t pull at all today… my hands were too busy holding onto rocks so that I did not plummet to my death as a climbed a mountain.
Today was a very emotional day for me… I am a vase and all the cracks are starting to show. I am broken beyond repair. 5 months ago
Today I pulled two times. Each time I immediately stopped! Onward and upwards! Tomorrow, I will be climbing a mountain, so I might be too tired to write, but I will mark my progress on the next day! I am excited. I think I will be able to squelch this before it gets too the point of baldness and having to hide. 5 months ago
It’s day four and I didn’t pull at all. I felt like pulling and I stopped myself. I think keeping this goal in the corner of my mind made me reconsider those times when I thought, “it’s only one hair,” because it’s never really ever just one hair… is it? I always pull again and again and again. That one small action, a pulled hair, triggers a land slide. I must stop myself from pulling, from going off the cliff. I always wanted to be a Catcher in the Rye, and look, here I am saving myself from falling off. Maybe I can help some other people from falling off along the way. I know how it feels because I’ve fallen and gotten up to fall again and again. But it’s not fun to fall off metaphorical cliffs. Literal cliffs are fun, metaphorical cliffs are painful. No, they aren’t fun at all. I think I’ll try my best not to fall again if I can. I’ll be my own Catcher in the Rye. How sad that we all must fall in one way or another. How sad that we think we can save others from falling. How sad that we can’t. How sad that we will keep on trying. But what would we be if we didn’t even try? Maybe in trying, we make a difference, even for those who still end up falling. 5 months ago
Day 2, I pulled about 4 or 5 times, but I stopped myself each time so that my pulling did not continue after the initial pull and spiral out of control.
Today, day 3, I only pulled one hair.
And the days Progress. 5 months ago
Lune Fromage: Born of Stardust "If we don't change, then everything that we do to ourselves will just happen again."
“If we don’t change, then everything that we do to ourselves will just happen again.”
I was reading a blog post about Paranoia Agent (my favourite television program) and someone used the above quote to describe the main theme of the show.
I have been pulling my hair on and off and the quote really hit me. In the show, everyone repeats the same mistakes over and over again and rarely does anyone take responsibility for their actions. I need to stop making excuses. When I do things that hurt others, I take immediately responsibility and try to stop, but when I hurt myself, I let it continue on. It’s not fair to treat myself that way. It’s embarrassing to keep having to come back to this goal, but if I do not admit that I have a problem, then I will never stop for good. Perhaps I will always have the urge, but I need to keep it at bay.
As for today, I did not pull at all. A good start. I know I will make mistakes, but I need to be better organized. I am going to buy a planner after school tomorrow. In it I will keep track of my lesson plans. I will also post here everyday about my hair pulling progress (unless I am for some reason out of the range of my computer or on a trip, but if that is so, then I am less likely to pull).
Today is a new start. Ganbaru 頑張る (I can do it)! 5 months ago