avoid drama

weve lasted three years and its all about not making a big deal out of things. just listen and dont hang up or walk away it makes things worse and with friends yeah i just walk away because most of them are pointless to discuss thing because they are very entitled to their opinions so yeah there you go:)

which seems important to me:

And if you hear the words “why don’t you trust me”, you have to realize that what you are really hearing is “I don’t trust you”. Whatever is going on may well put your relationship in jeopardy and they are (may be) afraid of loosing you. Time to put on your fire retardant long johns; and brace yourself for something you don’t really want to hear. That means it is most important to be calm, listen, ask questions – not accusations.

....

Yea, deleted that last part – a little over the top.

i realize I think about stuff way too much LOL

I have spent years carefully avoiding drama and I find I only end up avoiding “people”. This is not the resolution I had hoped for.

My conclusion, “drama” is part of being human. That being the case, I must reconsider. Perhaps I have not accurately defined the problem.

Recent events seem to bring some clarity to defining the problem. There seems to be drama that is not bad, perhaps even good.

My son was arrested for a DUI and spent the night in jail. We worked through it – together. Found an attorney, went to court, paid the fines, and jumped through hoops together. It appears that it was a great experience that brought us closer. This is drama but I don’t have a problem with this.

It almost didn’t work out that way. He was arrested on his birthday – Christmas. Bailed himself out of jail.
But he never spoke a word of it to me – until it was almost too late. Until it was almost an unmanageable inevitability.

And I realize, the drama is not what I wish to avoid. It’s the secrets.

Secrets that are really hidden lies. Secrets that require more lies and more secrets to remain hidden. Until, when they have finally incubated long enough, take on a life of their own and spill across the landscape of multiple lives destroying lives. Vaporizing relationships we have built our lives around. And I realize that the relationship never existed.

So the problem is not “avoiding drama” the problem is creating “good relationships”. We speak of trust and I realize that I do trust – if you use one sense of the word. However, a naive gullibility that accepts a “curious” circumstance and even “curiouser” explanation is not trust and does not promote good relationships.

I believed for years that my partner would “tell me”; would never have believe she was keeping secrets. And if she told me, I believed she would tell me the necessary details.

Listen. Ask questions. Who, what, where, when, why, how.
In a trusting relationship, these questions should be asked regularly, should be expected regularly, should be answered regularly – it’s called talking to each other.

And if you hear the words “why don’t you trust me”, you have to realize that whatever is going on may well put your relationship in jeopardy; they are afraid of loosing you. Time to put on your fire retardant long johns and brace yourself for something you don’t really want to hear.

Or you can put on your boots and find the closest exit – but if you do, you didn’t have a relationship to begin with.

Is it possible that we can live without drama?
Yea, I know we are human – drama is our life – right?

But what exactly is toooooo much drama?

I’ve almost done this… but it somehow keeps finding a way to weed itself into my life.

... now that I’ve weeded out all the drama.

I realized that I was allowing dramatic people into my life. They may be nice, wonderful folks, but they were really creating strife for me by being so overly emotional when it was unnecessary.

I noticed that people who gossip or say mean things about others were creating negative energy in my life. I also realized that I was devoting too much time and attention to a family member who is just plain selfish.

I let most of thoe dramatic relationships fall by the wayside. I just stopped calling and communicating with them. I didn’t tell them to get out of my life or anything silly like that, but by not responding to their drama I was able to send the message that I wasn’t interested.

With my family member, well, that’s another story. I told her off. I have to admit, the moment was a lot of drama. However, I got it out of my system, all the things I had bottled up inside. And it felt good. I’ve chosen to not be a part of the person’s life for now. Who knows, maybe we’ll repair the relationship someday, but for now I’m truthfully enjoying the peace.

I’m marking this goal as DONE! :)

is it even possible??!

I was afraid I was going to succumb to the quasi-misery of my peers in my Miami high school as we all planned towards college. I realized that everybody was staying local, and that was going to put a damper on my initiative to distance myself from the comforts of the same people I was with at that point (my friends were a part of the Advanced Placement group at our school: all enablers, depressed about petty issues, and uninspired, to say the least).

I was never one to follow the herd, and as I tired of their monotony, I also suffered a personal insurrection. I chose to drop out of high school and start attending college at a local school. After a year or so, I found this to be the same exercise in tedium as high school, with bigger rooms and different chalkboards. I didn’t want this. I wanted change. Severe and unimpeachable change.

So I joined the Marine Corps. I chose Japan for my duty station, and in my two years serving overseas, I gradually broke off connections with the old crowd. I’m in New York City now, with a larger and more real circle of friends that includes none of the old. And they inspire me to do good.

If you want change, break the cycle. If life isn’t giving you what you want—change your life. That’s my advice.

this should go under the suck it up goal.

I think grief is a private thing. I try very hard to keep my composure; it helps me get through it. When forced to talk about it, I have a harder time keeping my distance from it. And really, having been down this block before, distance is the only thing that heals. While I appreciate all the shoulders to cry on that are offered, my goal is quite simply not to cry. I don’t mean I don’t grieve, I do, I just like to cry in private, or with someone with whom I am very comfortable. When I am in public, at the studio, or the store, I want to be calm.

I spent part of the morning looking at photos from the past year. I noted the progression of my little dog from bright-eyed, head-up, ears cocked, to the pitiful little rug-like creature in the photo I took the night before I had her put down. I did the right thing, I know, and it hurts, but I know it will get better. Mom’s photos also show her decline, indeed her diminishment. This hurts also.

The thing is I don’t want to go around red-eyed, o-woe-is-me, even when I feel that way. I may be a marshmellow but I am cultivating a core of steel.