I 'will' be happy

there are 4 things in the life make people happy
1.good work
2.good home
3.good wife
4.good car
that’s the most important things in the life.

Would like to mark this goal as done.
I’m back to my old self…I’m accepting that life is not perfect and that things will sometimes be crappy but I have to get over those things and focus on the good things. sigh…I missed myself and now I’m back so I’m happy…

To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.

I hate my life!! I hate those people who tell me I’m their friend while making fun of me. I hate those people who never believed in me. I hate myself for being so soft and understanding. I hate myself for putting others first instead of me. I hate myself for putting up a happy face every time I feel hurt. I’m tired of smiling in front of people while they laugh at me. Trying to be strong and then break down in tears when no one is around. I want people to know what I feel. I want them, even for just a while, to understand what I’m going through. I’m scared of telling anyone how depression has affected me. I’ll be just another “emo” girl to them. They will just make fun of my weakness. They will never understand. No one ever did.

I just realized I posted one entry on the wrong goal. lol…oh well…

I’m begining to not care about people who’s only goal in life is to make others feel inferior. People who pull you down are those people who are below you. So I don’t care anymore. As long as I know myself. I will be strong and not let other people judge me or affect my life negatively. I will not change for anybody. I’ll only change for myself and it’s for the better. Love me or hate me. This is who I am. Take it or leave it…lol….

Just now i felt a strange feeling that everything is going to be ok. Weird…well here it goes…

1. I’m happy coz my fever did not last longer than 2 days. although I did get a fever twice in 2 weeks it still is a good sign coz normally when I get coughs and colds my fever would last for a week or more and I have to go to the hospital. But not anymore!!!!!!

2. I got my mom an mp3 player. Not the super expensive ones but yeah.. I got her an mp3 coz my mom just shares mp3 with my dad and now she has her own so yay!!

3. I was going to buy my dad speakers for his mp3 but the good ones ran out of stock so I just got him rechargable batteries coz he was begging us to buy him extras. I’ll be checking on the speakers and will see if I can still buy him that…and a new protective case for his phone I guess coz my mom bought him a new phone.

4. Just fixed my pets cage…bought them tons of food…bonded with them…etc etc etc…we had fun!! Happy pets=happy mom

5. oohh I just remembered I also bought my sister a gift and she liked it a lot…

6. A package is coming…from my boyfriend…Not because of the gifts. Receiving packages from him makes me feel like he is there with me even for just a moment.

7. I bought a shirt that I really liked

8. Even if the new year didn’t start right for me atleast it’s still going to the right direction and I hope it continues.

9. The girl that I am jealous with just got a boyfriend and I’m happy for her. Good for her and I hope I overcome my jealousy too…

10. everything else that happened that I didn’t remember. I feel there is more but I just can’t remember…lol…gotta play more mind games…

It really is a HAPPY NEW YEAR after all….

My professor just told me that my planning was great. We are designing a structure and it has sooo many requirements that are co-related with each other. It was really hard figuring out where to put where but my professor liked the way I planned it so yay!!! happy happy happy!!!

This past few days have been sooo screwed up!!! everything around me seems to be wrong!! from the simplest things to just plain everything!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing is fair!! people actually run to you just to get you down! why don’t they just leave me alone?! It seems as if that person only becomes happy when he gets the chance to step on my pride and dignity!! His happiness is to make my life a living hell!! And what did I ever do to him??? Nothing!! I had nothing but respect for him. He should encourage people like me and not laugh to their faces when they fail. And of course he doesn’t know that I suffered depression coz I never told anyone. He never listens to any explanation. Even if you tell him that you did everything that you could. But no!! If he says I didn’t then I didn’t do my best! So what if he doesn’t know what I’ve done. Why would he care? It seems as if I just lived so he would have a clown..Someone to ridicule in front of others for the sake of his happiness. oh and by the way..that he is a profesor in our school. Someone who students expect to encourage them and not bring them down and tell them that they are not doing their best even if they rarely even sleep to do the assignments they give us. A profesor who should teach students not only academics but also what is right and wrong. It just makes me sad that instead of teaching their students to believe in themselves he talks to me like I can’t do anything. keeps pulling and pulling me down. oh yeah…During my sane times when I had time to think of happiness and what made me so depressed. guess what…I felt really really low because of the things that he told me before. Now he had another chance another reason. I’m never going to understand people like them. Those people who do or say whatever they like without caring for other peoples feelings. thanks to him I’m now begining to pity myself again.

Don’t mind me. I just had to let it all out. I don’t even know if I make sense. probably not. anyway I’m gonna go cry now…maybe that will help coz people around me don’t anyway.

It’s a really bad day. was late for class, wasn’t able to go to library, got charge sooo much from the phone repair shop…but guess what? at the end of the day I’m still happy. yay!!!

And I’ll change my goal to I “will” be happy instead of I want to be happy.

I read this and I realized…why do people care sooo much about what other people think of them? I’ve been that person, always thinking of what others will think of me. But I’ve realized something… why try to be someone you are not just to please people around you. people who don’t care actually. When will people stop judging others?

From now on I won’t care about what other people will think of me. as long as I do what is right for me and as long as I don’t do anything bad to anyone. I’m an individual and I should not be manipulated by anybody!!!